Pregnancy's Best Kept Secrets

Iona_Penny

That labour is NOT like 'bad period pains' (childless health visitor)

Breathing excercises are a waste of time (just remember to breathe at all!)

Sh***ing a watermelon is physically possible only for some (2 c- sections)

The first pooh after feels like you are ripping apart!

Feeding from one boob results in the other leaking like Thames water

etc etc...:rotfl:

Triker

deaththecat, what a unusual name, I'm intrigued, anyway don't be put off, ignore me, it all happened 13 years ago ............and yet...........despite the propaganda by the soft focus Mothercare catalogues......I haven't forgotton that fateful day when my body transformed into non functioning, incontinence suffering, large busommed, strrrrrreeeeettttttccccchhhhhhhhheeeeeeddd marked, big lady mother.

In my head I'm a supermodel.:rotfl:

Foxy106

oh happy days!


my youngest is now 11, no more babies for me, but how you've all refreshed my memory (as if i really needed it???? lol)


cheers to you all!

Triker

Iona_Penny wrote:

That labour is NOT like 'bad period pains' (childless health visitor)

Breathing excercises are a waste of time (just remember to breathe at all!)

Sh***ing a watermelon is physically possible only for some (2 c- sections)

The first pooh after feels like you are ripping apart!

Feeding from one boob results in the other leaking like Thames water

etc etc...:rotfl:

YES, YES AND YES, and also that other people's babies that are crying in Morrissons set them boobage's off like niagra falls.

zombiecazz

How god awful it is to be in hospital in the first place.
Have Dr's treat you like a piece of meat by putting his fingers inside you without even saying good morning first and demanding you relax your leg (testing reflexes) when he's holding your thigh in mid-air. I swear if I hadn't been the size of an elephant he would have felt my foot in his rear end.

Not all babies take to breast feeding like ducks to water. It's not your fault.

Allow yourself to release that first poop. Your insides will not fall out.

I could go on and on and on.

mandi

That the midwife, smokes next to the O2. . the doc comes in when your in agony , and asks.. " are you ok luv".. :rotfl:
Your in labour for days, and your given paracetamol!!:eek: ..and when its time to Push.. the midwife says pant....:p ( the poo bit happens then )...:D

Triker

And when you have given birth after 28 hours of hard labour, and the word 'dignity' belongs to another language, the staff ask if it's ok if a student midwife can stick her hands inside you to check if 'everything is as it should be' and through the exhausted sweaty mess that you are, with legs akimbo, being english and polite you manage to mutter ' be my guest'.

whatamess_2

:eek: Nobody warned me about the after pains!!!:eek:

Baby delivered in to your arms contractions over. Not a chance!!! By baby number 3 felt like I was going into labour again.:eek:

Strech marks have got to be the worst thing ever. My first didnt slowly engage he dropped into my pelvis like a stone. Que road map of Great Britain,
did anybody else po!h themselves. When baby engaged.

whatamess_2

Bless I do hope poor Gingam isnt reading this.:rotfl: :rotfl:

mandi

whatamess wrote:

:eek: Nobody warned me about the after pains!!!:eek:

Baby delivered in to your arms contractions over. Not a chance!!! By baby number 3 felt like I was going into labour again.:eek:

Strech marks have got to be the worst thing ever. My first didnt slowly engage he dropped into my pelvis like a stone. Que road map of Great Britain,
did anybody else po!h themselves. When baby engaged.

My second son, was quite happy where he was.. stayed in me 42 weeks.. and then refused to " play the game"... Little begger.. Head no down even after 16 hours..:rotfl: :eek: