Hair Cut, pierced ears and parental responsibilities

maggied_2

Caroline73 wrote: »

But if there is the possibility that the daughter maybe keeping both parents happy and the only way to find out how she wants her hair cut is to ask her then they have to get her to answer to both parents. If she isn't involved in the discussion. it will just end up 'but with she told me' and it won't get anywhere.

I agree it's a petty argument and getting solicitors and courts involved is totally pathetic. It's only hair and it will grow!

I do agree in principle and it's a difficult situation - I just think while feelings are running so high that it would only be to the little girl's detriment to have to be put on the spot. If it could be done in a 'nice' way then obviously that would be better. In fact if the little girl knew her mum and dad were able to talk to each other like adults, and that they did discuss these matters then she wouldn't be able to tell them different things as she'd know she'd be caught out - this doesn't sound like one of those set ups though.

I feel for the little girl - I know my DSD feels she has to 'manage' her loyalties and it's vile.

meritaten

right now OP has parental responsibility and while the childs wishes should be taken into consideration - her exes fiances arent! or even her exes!
while its all nice and civilised that daughter is going to be a bridesmaid at exes wedding if HIS fiance is insisting on cutting her hair - then sorry but daughter WOULDNT be bridesmaid! and if ex didnt see how this is so much his new 'wife' having her own way and the probs this will bring in future then I see further problems after the marraige.
YOU have parental responsibility - YOU set the rules. Take charge hun or trouble will follow as they undermine you. and please find out why exes fiance 'shouts' at your daughter! this concerns me.

bestpud

meritaten wrote: »

right now OP has parental responsibility and while the childs wishes should be taken into consideration - her exes fiances arent! or even her exes!
while its all nice and civilised that daughter is going to be a bridesmaid at exes wedding if HIS fiance is insisting on cutting her hair - then sorry but daughter WOULDNT be bridesmaid! and if ex didnt see how this is so much his new 'wife' having her own way and the probs this will bring in future then I see further problems after the marraige.
YOU have parental responsibility - YOU set the rules. Take charge hun or trouble will follow as they undermine you. and please find out why exes fiance 'shouts' at your daughter! this concerns me.

I guess it depends whether they were married when their dd was born as parental responsibility will be shared in that case.

delain

If she is seven and has only just turned seven in the last few months then she could have been born in 2003 when the laws changed, meaning if dad is on the birth certificate he has PR, married or not.

maggied_2

meritaten wrote: »

right now OP has parental responsibility and while the childs wishes should be taken into consideration - her exes fiances arent! or even her exes!
while its all nice and civilised that daughter is going to be a bridesmaid at exes wedding if HIS fiance is insisting on cutting her hair - then sorry but daughter WOULDNT be bridesmaid! and if ex didnt see how this is so much his new 'wife' having her own way and the probs this will bring in future then I see further problems after the marraige.
YOU have parental responsibility - YOU set the rules. Take charge hun or trouble will follow as they undermine you. and please find out why exes fiance 'shouts' at your daughter! this concerns me.

Why isn't her ex important? He's her father. 'All nice and civilised'? It's his wedding - of course his daughter should be there. Fathers do not have to disappear into the background when a relationship breaks down. Why so disparaging towards his fiancee? (you called her 'wife').

This isn't about who sets the rules. Why are the mother's wishes more important than the father's?

If you follow this advice OP then please be prepared for the question when she's a a bit older "why wasn't I a bridesmaid at daddy's wedding" you can tell her it was all over a haircut. I'm sure she'll understand.

As for the shouting - I don't buy this for a minute. So the man you thought was good enough to bring a child into the world with is suddenly such a bad father that he wants to chop his daughter's hair off against her will and turns a blind eye to his fiancee being horrible to her?

I think I've contributed enough towards this thread and am pleased to be stepping away from Hysterical Over-Reactors' corner.

Caroline73_2

maggied wrote: »

Why isn't here ex important? He's her father. 'All nice and civilised'? It's his wedding - of course his daughter should be there. Fathers do not have to disappear into the background when a relationship breaks down. Why so disparaging towards his fiancee? (you called her 'wife').

This isn't about who sets the rules. Why are the mother's wishes more important than the father's?

If you follow this advice OP then please be prepared for the question when she's a a bit older "why wasn't I a bridesmaid at daddy's wedding" you can tell her it was all over a haircut. I'm sure she'll understand.

As for the shouting - I don't buy this for a minute. So the man you thought was good ebough to bring a child into the world with is suddenly such a bad father that he wants to chop his daughter's hair off against her will and turns a blind eye to his fiancee being horrible to her.

I think I've contributed enough towards this thread and am pleased to be stepping away from Hysterical Over-Reactors' corner.[/QUOTE]
:rotfl:brilliant!

January20

It might just be a haircut now. But what will it be in the future that the ex and his (then) wife will object to: her clothes? her hobbies? her friends? her aspirations for the future? What will it lead to if she really doesn't want to have her hair cut and nobody listens to her? How will it affect her as she grows into a teenager and a young woman? How will she cope if she feels criticised and judged by her father?

But is it really just about a haircut? In my opinion, it's not. It's about a little girl being a pawn. Dad and fiancee want a beautiful wedding and they don't really care about the little girl's feelings as long as she looks good enough to be their bridesmaid! Fiancee wants her own way and probably thinks that the mum is a pain in the bum. Otherwise, Dad and fiancee would listen to the little girl.

7891368

If anyone cut her hair without her permission is battery, tad extreme in this case but it's true. Also you want to have your child's ears pierced but don't want her to have a hair cut?

meritaten

Caroline73 wrote: »

maggied wrote: »

Why isn't here ex important? He's her father. 'All nice and civilised'? It's his wedding - of course his daughter should be there. Fathers do not have to disappear into the background when a relationship breaks down. Why so disparaging towards his fiancee? (you called her 'wife').

This isn't about who sets the rules. Why are the mother's wishes more important than the father's?

If you follow this advice OP then please be prepared for the question when she's a a bit older "why wasn't I a bridesmaid at daddy's wedding" you can tell her it was all over a haircut. I'm sure she'll understand.

As for the shouting - I don't buy this for a minute. So the man you thought was good ebough to bring a child into the world with is suddenly such a bad father that he wants to chop his daughter's hair off against her will and turns a blind eye to his fiancee being horrible to her.

I think I've contributed enough towards this thread and am pleased to be stepping away from Hysterical Over-Reactors' corner.[/QUOTE]
:rotfl:brilliant!

and why would you disbelieve the OP who hasnt even made it a main point of her post? its ME who is bringing up the fact that in her original post her daughter says that dads fiance 'shouts' at her. OP has seemed to ignore that.

I think I've contributed enough towards this thread and am pleased to be stepping away from Hysterical Over-Reactors' corner.[/QUOTE]

Good, step away!

Fathers do not have to disappear into the background when a relationship breaks down. Why so disparaging towards his fiancee? (you called her 'wife').

????? and your point is??????????????????????? why is it disparaging to call someone 'wife'?

hope you are several steps away by now as I find your posts incomprehensable.

maggied_2

meritaten wrote: »

Caroline73 wrote: »

and why would you disbelieve the OP who hasnt even made it a main point of her post? its ME who is bringing up the fact that in her original post her daughter says that dads fiance 'shouts' at her. OP has seemed to ignore that.

I think I've contributed enough towards this thread and am pleased to be stepping away from Hysterical Over-Reactors' corner.[/QUOTE]

Good, step away!

Fathers do not have to disappear into the background when a relationship breaks down. Why so disparaging towards his fiancee? (you called her 'wife').

????? and your point is??????????????????????? why is it disparaging to call someone 'wife'?

hope you are several steps away by now as I find your posts incomprehensable.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I think you mean incomprehensible pet.