Hair Cut, pierced ears and parental responsibilities

needtovent

Fang wrote: »

It's also possible that your daughter is trying to play you off against her dad's fiance. What about the pierced ears? Have I missed that bit?

Yes, my sisters nieces did that. They also told their mother one thing and their dad something else-trying to tell all parties what they thought they wanted to hear, instead of being honest for fear of upsetting anyone
Unless i've missed something i don't think pierced ears has been mentioned (apart from in the title of the thread)

minimoneysaver

I can't see where the pierced ears part comes into it either. The OP doesn't seem to have mentioned it, apart from in the heading. Maybe she was hinting to find out how we single parents would feel if the NRP had the child's ears pierced?

Fang_3

SugarSpun wrote: »

If someone cut my daughter's toenails against her will I'd be furious.

The bigger issue to me seems to be that your daughter is afraid of upsetting the new partner because she shouts. I would seriously consider seeing your solicitor with regard to a "do not change my child's appearance" order (yes, that's the technical name for it...) and in the meantime suggest a trim for neatness and a pretty updo.

The problem is that the person wanting it cut is the other parent. Ignoring the other partner for the moment, if her dad thought his daughter should have her hair cut and he was still married to the OP then there wouldn't really be a problem would there?

They are equally responsible for their daughter and so the OP should be very wary of acting like she has the right to make every decision and has the final word, because if one is the wrong decision it will be her that gets it in the neck and rightly so. I'm going to stick with my theory that the daughter is playing her parents off against each other. Not necessarily in a malicious way, but more in trying to tell each one what they want to hear, and obviously the OP isn't willing to have a face-to-face meeting with her ex and daughter to discuss this, then the problem will probably only get worse.

Person_one

Fang wrote: »

The problem is that the person wanting it cut is the other parent. Ignoring the other partner for the moment, if her dad thought his daughter should have her hair cut and he was still married to the OP then there wouldn't really be a problem would there?

They are equally responsible for their daughter and so the OP should be very wary of acting like she has the right to make every decision and has the final word, because if one is the wrong decision it will be her that gets it in the neck and rightly so. I'm going to stick with my theory that the daughter is playing her parents off against each other. Not necessarily in a malicious way, but more in trying to tell each one what they want to hear, and obviously the OP isn't willing to have a face-to-face meeting with her ex and daughter to discuss this, then the problem will probably only get worse.

There would be a problem if the daughter didn't want it cutting! Its her hair after all, and they may be equally responsible for her but she gets the biggest say I think!

Fang_3

Person_one wrote: »

There would be a problem if the daughter didn't want it cutting! Its her hair after all, and they may be equally responsible for her but she gets the biggest say I think!

I would agree if she had said that to BOTH her parents. She hasn't. It sounds like this little girl is too scared to tell the truth to avoid upsetting either of her parents. And that just isn't right.

suzannewysiwyg

No Unapproved or Personal links in signatures please - FT3

kutsu119

Sounds like you just want to put a spanner in the works for their wedding. Jealous much?

Oh and, a 7 year old should have most say in having their hair cut? get real, a 7 year old CHILD should not be making any decisions, at all. They can have input, to a limited degree, but they are still a child and unaware of context, etc.

Curlywurli

kutsu119 wrote: »

Sounds like you just want to put a spanner in the works for their wedding. Jealous much?

Oh and, a 7 year old should have most say in having their hair cut? get real, a 7 year old CHILD should not be making any decisions, at all. They can have input, to a limited degree, but they are still a child and unaware of context, etc.

Mm, because not getting a haircut is going to stop a wedding isn't it! Did you only sign up on here to be rude to people because that's what it looks like to me.

neneromanova

suzannewysiwyg wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Thank you for all the comments. Another sleepless night for me here :-(

I have drafted a letter to my ex, can you please give some advice on wording?? The pierced ears thing in the title, thats another thing thats come up. My DD wants them done, but I have said we need to discuss with her Dad first!


Dear **


Further to our communication yesterday.

I was very surprised to learn of such plans through **. When we both have parental responsibility a major change in ** appearance, i.e a hair cut, ear piercing etc is obviously something that has to be agreed between both parents, and I don't agree with ** having her hair cut.

** has always had very long hair, she is very proud of her hair and also very proud to have the longest hair in her class. I do not think at the age of 7 she is old enough to agree to anything that will change her appearance so drastically. ** has told us she does not want her hair cut.

In order not to ruin you big day, and as a compromise I am willing to have ** hair tidied up with a good trim. (you may of course attend the salon if you so wish). After the tidy up this will then enable her to have her hair in one of the many different styles for long hair of your choosing as a temporary measure for the day, without the need for further cutting.

Please let me know your thoughts.



Many thanks

The Bit in bold stuck out most to me. You're contradicting yourself by saying you don't think your DD should say what happens to her hair then you say DD doesn't want it cut. Take that line out or change it to "you both need to be aware that at 7 she is fully aware at making her own choices and her choice is to not have her hair cut" or something like that.

beks

Can people not just talk to each other these days??

You had a relationship with this man, just meet with him and discuss it face to face if it such a problem for you.

I am sure your dd is just agreeing with each different party as she doesn't want to upset anyone. And I am sure the 'new woman' in your ex's life is trying to please your daughter and make her excited about the wedding. I doubt very much that she is trying to cause problems.

You are BOTH her parents and have an EQUAL say as to bring her up in the way you see fit.

I would love to get my sds hair cut because it is long and messy (IMO) and she cries every time we go near her with a comb but I would never do anything without discussing it with her mother first. I know she wouldnt agree so would not even bring it up but, even so, if I felt as strongly as you do, then discussing it would be the way to go.