Hair Cut, pierced ears and parental responsibilities

suzannewysiwyg

No Unapproved or Personal links in signatures please - FT3

maggied_2

How new is the partner if they are getting married? What sort of relationship does your daughter usually have with her dad and the new partner

I'm sure you can resolve this without using the courts. I was going to say would you ask for his permission to cut her hair (I'm not sure where the pierced ears come into it) but if she really doesn't want to do it then maybe a letter to your ex would be the best way to go.
What about something along the lines of:

"I realise this hair cutting issue has boiled over but DD has said to me that she really doesn't want it cutting shorter but doesn't feel she can disagree - please reconsider this as she is getting very upset about it. I hope your wedding plans are going well and that the day itself is lovely"...etc.

By making a huge deal out of this your daughter will feel put in the middle. I'm not agreeing with what your ex is proposing IF your daughter really is unhappy about it but creating a huge drama will ultimately upset your daughter and make her have to consider her loyalties - and make you out to be the ex from hell trying to interfere in their wedding.

Good luck.

Bubby

I would simply write a letter to them if they are refusing to listen and tell them that your daughter does not want her hair cut and you do not want her hair cut therefore it is not to be cut.
I would also inform them that if you both have parental responsibility then all decisions regarding your daughter need to be discussed between the pair of you. Obviously when she is at their house she is to abide by their rules etc but making her have a hair cut that neither you nor your daughter are happy with is ridiculous. What about instead suggesting if they feel her hair is too long/messy etc that you and she are happy for her to have her hair put up for their wedding?

The woman who is marrying your ex should be trying to befriend your daughter not make her feel so uncomfortable:(

pigpen

I have 5 daughters all with long hair and if theirs dads partner even thought about cutting their hair I'd shave her bald!!!

I would be absolutely livid .. and if necessary tell them if she so much as waves scissors in her direction you will have her charged with assault!

Of course this is a last resort and you must get dad on his own and TELL him and if she will have DD tell him how you both feel about it.. he may be being railroaded into agreeing with his new woman. Discuss how DD will wear her hair on the day and if necessary yes you can get a court order stating he is in no way to change DD's appearance.. my friend got one after her ex sent their son home with a shaved head.. down to scalp shaved at 3 not anything like a number 2 or whatever..

ailuro2

Tell them she is not to have her hair cut, remind them that DD does not want this done either. Suggest (tell them!) that if they employ a decent hairdresser on the day she may have it curled or put into an 'updo' for the day, which will take a lot of the length away.;)

nunnygirl

I had this happen to me when I was a kid. Biological sperm donor and his new wife decided I needed my haircut for their wedding and didn't tell my mum

The words used by my mum when I got home were not suitable for half 7 on a Wednesday night!

Hope you and your DD manage to get something sorted between you and your ex

needtovent

I have girls with long hair and would not be impressed if they had their hair cut against their wishes. Maybe you could suggest that you have her hair trimmed/tidied (so as not to lose much length) before the wedding and then they can either have her hair put up or left down - but this would show you are trying to help but ultimately you will have the control of how much is trimmed off.

meritaten

I dont like the sound of this - leaving aside the hair issue, why is DD afraid of this woman? she should be all sweetness and light - not shouting at the kid! and is that acceptable to you? does your ex leave your daughter alone with this person? I may sound paranoid but, I think there are deeper issues here and its up to you to find out why your daughter feels so intimidated by this woman she would agree to have her hair cut when she really doesnt want to!

oh, and I would stipulate that daughters hair is NOT to be cut, may be put up or curled. or she DOESNT become a bridesmaid.
Time to stand firm here I believe.

Jo_R_2

My two DDs both have beautiful hair (of course it's my motherly duty to think that but they really do!:D) and if the ex decided to take the scissors to either of their barnets without my consent I'd be bloody furious! So I completely understand.

Have they said anything else besides the fact that she'll "like it" - which to me sounds like code for "this is what we want to do and plan to do anyway despite what you think?" Tbh I can't see why your DD having a complete restyle is integral to their wedding really?

I'd go down the compromise route, suggest something inbetween to keep the peace if you like, would they be happy with a cut and blow dry maybe if you sorted that out (like a favour) then she has a fancy do like having her hair curled and pinned up or a french plait or whatnot?

Fang_3

It's also possible that your daughter is trying to play you off against her dad's fiance. What about the pierced ears? Have I missed that bit?

SugarSpun

If someone cut my daughter's toenails against her will I'd be furious.

The bigger issue to me seems to be that your daughter is afraid of upsetting the new partner because she shouts. I would seriously consider seeing your solicitor with regard to a "do not change my child's appearance" order (yes, that's the technical name for it...) and in the meantime suggest a trim for neatness and a pretty updo.