Wake-up Call Challenge

birdlady

Ive started to wonder about my 'friends' score (3), I say I would like more friends and truly believe that , but I also think it's a relief to come home and shut the door. Last sunday I went to a BBQ, I came home at 7pm even though it carried on to the early hours, that was the earliest I felt I could get away without seeming rude, and I think back to times when I was invited out but always came up with an excuse not to go, and now these same people don't bother asking. I only seem to want friends on MY terms.
I'm not sure if it goes back to a confidence thing but really when I think about it I find socialising very stressful , maybe it's just easier to be on my own, or maybe I am happier being the recluse I was worried about becoming? :think:

Cath x

JoKay_2

Morning all

Just spent the last half hour reading through this thread, and am keen to join in myself..!

I'm going to drop DD off to a friend's house shortly, then will come back to do my wheel - report in later!

Lula-Hula

Morning all,


Thank you for all the lovely posts of support & encouragement :A.

I have always been a 'thinker' & 'ponderer' but since starting a new job in November I am now so busy with the physical practicalities of life that I dont seem to find much time for it anymore.

I am happy with my main job; great people to work with - 98% men which has helped to redress the uneven gender balance in my life; I am getting the male company, banter & views I craved but in a safe & non threatening way I would give that job an 8/10.

I dont enjoy my second home-based job; but it's easy, doesnt require any childcare expenses & it's helping to clear the debts quicker so as long as the debt exists, it stays.


Krisp, well done for that little bit of time you needed, I clearly need to be a bit more commited .

After many years of searching for the spritiual path that felt 'right' I met a fellow pagan who was further along the path than myself & took me along to a few events where I met others, felt very welcome & at home. A combination of events & circumstances means that I'm no longer able to commit to regular moots & meets so I felt it best to withdraw & continue alone, which I was happy with ... until the new job curtailed the amount of solitary time I had avaialable.

Having just re-read what I've typed, I realise that my first comment is the most pertinent here; I need to be more committed.

I now want to join my DD playing Just Dance on the Wii - my exercise for today, but should do the ironing, photograph some items for my maiden ebay selling trip, clean the bathroom, hoover & wash the floors, do some weeding & tidying in my garden, take a load of stuff to the tip, ring various relatives to catch up & go to the allotment ... *sighs*

Different_Corner

birdlady wrote: »

Ive started to wonder about my 'friends' score (3), I say I would like more friends and truly believe that , but I also think it's a relief to come home and shut the door. Last sunday I went to a BBQ, I came home at 7pm even though it carried on to the early hours, that was the earliest I felt I could get away without seeming rude, and I think back to times when I was invited out but always came up with an excuse not to go, and now these same people don't bother asking. I only seem to want friends on MY terms.
I'm not sure if it goes back to a confidence thing but really when I think about it I find socialising very stressful , maybe it's just easier to be on my own, or maybe I am happier being the recluse I was worried about becoming? :think:

Cath x

Oh Cath, yet again I could have written that word for word !

I am quite happy in my own company though. I guess it stems from being an only child, parents had two businesses as I was growing up, not neglected or anything just happy being with me.

Sometimes I wonder if society actually demands that we be party people, social butterflies, I know I was in my 20's, but don't feel the need to anymore.

Good to know I am not alone in the scary social event dilemma

Anyway I'm avoiding the task in hand..back to the wheel...

elantan

Lemon_Tree wrote: »

more homework and i haven't even plucked up the courage to do the second piece. Why do i find it so hard to be truthful with myself? maybe i will find i really am the horrible person i sometimes suspect i am.

i think you will find you are more nicer than you thought ... you just have to be more gently on yourself whilst still being honest

elantan

birdlady wrote: »

Ive started to wonder about my 'friends' score (3), I say I would like more friends and truly believe that , but I also think it's a relief to come home and shut the door. Last sunday I went to a BBQ, I came home at 7pm even though it carried on to the early hours, that was the earliest I felt I could get away without seeming rude, and I think back to times when I was invited out but always came up with an excuse not to go, and now these same people don't bother asking. I only seem to want friends on MY terms.
I'm not sure if it goes back to a confidence thing but really when I think about it I find socialising very stressful , maybe it's just easier to be on my own, or maybe I am happier being the recluse I was worried about becoming? :think:

Cath x

i'm exactly like you ... thankfully i have like minded friends ... if we dont hear from each other in ages then it's ok ...we just send a wee text going hows things and leave it at that (sometimes we just dont like to be disturbed lol) ... we tend to do lunches etc ... so i have a few hours free on sat what you got ... yep a few hours free too where will we meet kinda thing ...

i did loose some friends of that their is no doubt ... but in retrospect i felt uncomfortable with them ... i would have to get all dressed up to go to a bbq or something and i was like eh i cant be bothered with this ... the conversation bored me and as soon as i could i disappeared ...

i can live without those friends no probs ... i have good ones now

MrsMoo2U

Hello all,

I just found this thread and I hope that you will allow me to join. I have read the first few pages and skimmed through the last two. So I thought what a great challenge and definitely something that I need right now. About 9 years ago I did a personal development course with work called Springboard for Women (they also do Navigation for Men) and it was very similar to this. Working on it helped me to focus completely on my life and how to identify what I wanted from life and why I wasnt getting it. The truth part was the hardest struggle and with 30 of us doing the course we all said how emotionally draining the first part of the homework was. I have to say that doing it worked amazingly for me. In short I ended up changing some things about myself that, in the end, led to my husband leaving me. Now that sounds like an awful thing to have happened but in hindsight I realised that I had been living my life for him and so I was miserable without really understanding what was making me miserable. I spent two years single and whilst it was hard at the beginning I ended up really enjoying my life and understanding what makes me happy. In the last 15 months I have changed my life completely. Moved to Wales, got a new job (gained promotion) and living with my soulmate. Now you might be asking what I need to do this challenge for. My answer would be that since doing that course I havent gone back and reviewed the work I did. I will use that workbook (very similar to the wheel of life) as my challenge start. I will review the areas. I can already identify that I need to improve my social life (my new job has been consuming my life), make new friends (all my friends live 150 miles away), and keep up with my family.
So if it is ok I will join in. As I said my job is very busy but I will aim to make time at the weekends to do homework.

Re the spirituality thing that people have spoken of. I was raised a catholic. In the last few years after reading many books I came to realise that religion (of any kind) is not for me. That isnt to say that I am not "spiritual" I am an atheist but my upbringing led me to believe that I SHOULD believe in a higher being so I searched and searched. Only when I came to understand my own thoughts did I find that I was happier.

Sorry for my long rambling post. I will post something later about the areas that I want to improve and the goals that I am setting myself in the one area that is the highest priority for me. (does that make up at least part one and two of the homework?)

JoKay_2

Ok, here's my list - its very thought provoking writing this down, isn't it!!

Health/Fitness - 6 want to be 10

Like many others, I have a fair bit of weight to lose (50lb ish) - I lost about 35lb a couple of years on the Cambridge Diet only to put it back on

However, I went to a Paul McKenna I Can Make You Thin seminar last weekend - and all I can say is WOW! I am eating much less than I normally would, still eating things that I love (just less of 'em!) and am feeling that maybe this is the way to do it - I've lost 5lb in 2 weeks!

As far as my fitness is concerned, I am supposed to be doing a triathlon in two weeks time :eek: - but I won't be, because I've not done half enough training to complete it. I signed up, hoping that the deadline would incentivise me, but it hasn't. Need to think of another strategy....

Career - 8 hope to increase to 9 as develop further

Thanks to a new HoD, my role has expanded dramatically over the last 18 months, and I am currently seconded into the job I've always wanted. However, this brings feelings of inadequacy (from myself, not others!) and I am learning literally minute by minute - but loving it!

Money - 7 but want to be 10

We have £4925 left on a 0% card to be paid off by its expiry in Feb 2010, and according to my super duper spreadsheet, we should be able to do this, as well as save for a holiday in Florida at Xmas. My OH has just had a promotion, giving us approx another £300 pcm income, and for the first time in years - we're in a good place and able to plan for the future.

The reason this score is not higher is because I'd like to have more control over our day to day expenses - I have the mechanisms in place, but lack the commitment to use them regularly - definitely something to work on...

Relationships - OH - 8

We had a very rocky patch at the beginning of the year, but have worked through it and are in a better place than we have been for years - however, its easy to see how we can slip back into our old ways, and we need to ensure that we commit time to each other and communicate!

Relationships - Family - 6

Its just my brother and I now, our parents have both died in the last 5 years, but we have a bit of a stilted relationship. He lives approx 300 miles away, and rarely visits here, I usually go to him. I do need to make an effort to prioritise regular calls to him, but do feel that he should equally make an effort!

Friends/Social Relationships - 7 want this to be a 9

I am a friendly person, can chat to people I don't know, but am not known for being a great talker - but am told I'm a great listener!! I have about 4 close friends, and lots of acquaintances, and am happy with that, but I do want to join a club of some sort to meet new people - trouble is, I don't know what!

Community - 4 want this to be an 8

I don't do anything in my local community - I volunteered at a youth centre a couple of years ago, but couldn't keep up the time commitment needed.

Spirituality - 3
Until I started full time work 5 years ago, I was a regular churchgoer, but this has tailed off completely, leaving me feeling guilty!

Craftyscholar

birdlady wrote: »

Ive started to wonder about my 'friends' score (3), I say I would like more friends and truly believe that , but I also think it's a relief to come home and shut the door. Last sunday I went to a BBQ, I came home at 7pm even though it carried on to the early hours, that was the earliest I felt I could get away without seeming rude, and I think back to times when I was invited out but always came up with an excuse not to go, and now these same people don't bother asking. I only seem to want friends on MY terms.
I'm not sure if it goes back to a confidence thing but really when I think about it I find socialising very stressful , maybe it's just easier to be on my own, or maybe I am happier being the recluse I was worried about becoming? :think:

Cath x

Different_Corner wrote: »

Oh Cath, yet again I could have written that word for word !

I am quite happy in my own company though. I guess it stems from being an only child, parents had two businesses as I was growing up, not neglected or anything just happy being with me.

Sometimes I wonder if society actually demands that we be party people, social butterflies, I know I was in my 20's, but don't feel the need to anymore.

Good to know I am not alone in the scary social event dilemma

Anyway I'm avoiding the task in hand..back to the wheel...

Another one who struggles with the sociability thing.

I am also an only child - spent a lot of time with my parents, but not much with my own age group. So got used to my own company.

I can chat happily to strangers, but for most of my life had real difficulty making proper friends.

I realised that strangers were OK they would hopefully go off remembering the nice person they had met. Long term was best avoided as they would discover what I was really like and not want to know me, so it was simpler not to waste their time.

I have now worked out why I felt that way and I think I have overcome those feelings, but that still leaves me out of the habit of having friends and working at sustaining those friendships.

OK another area I need to work on :rotfl:

birdlady

Thank you everyone who has helped me feel less of a freak for being antisocial I'm not an only child, I have a brother who is quite a bit older than me (who wouldn't have been seen dead with little sis!), my father vanished and my mother worked full time (in the 50s and 60s when there were very few benefits so she had to) and brother was supposed to look after me. So yes, I also spent an awful lot of time on my own as a child too. I guess it makes us self sufficient.

The more I think about my wheel the more I come to the conclusion that if truth be told I don't really want to change very much . It reminds me of the saying that you should ' want what you have, not have what you want'. More a case of little tweaks I think (yesterday I signed up for a free course on basic home maintenance, and that sounds more like fun than a night socialising lol!) It's tough if other people think I'm a billy-no-mates

Cath x