meet the parents (not)

dobs

hiya just wanted to say sorry for the awkward situation your'e now in. I'm shy too and would also baulk at the idea of doing the whole big family party thing at first. It would be much easier (and less awkward after all this time) to meet them without anyone else around so i think inviting them over, meeting up with just them informally and with your kids would be a great idea.
Do they know you have children and that your'e a bit shy of meeting lots of people?Hard to know if OH may have said that to them (men don't always think of things like that), so they may be wondering why you've turned down the parties!
Anyway big hug, deep breath and get it over and done with - you might really like them x

mazinmouse

My DH knows that if we're at a social and my brain stops or I am fed upand I am unable to summon up any of the usual strategies for dealing with this, then I either take myself off for a walk or I go and listen to the radio or read in the car. Could it be that you hate the thought of being trapped/cornered in a boring situation and that concern is overriding your curiousity at meeting the parents.

Pollycat

missprice wrote: »

yep your right

i was being invited and he declined on my behalf (for 2 years!!!)

just had this conversation last night

am slightly reeling from this now

oh hell i have been stupid

will post again when i can make more sense
thanks guys and gals

Wow, no wonder you're reeling.
Never mind about YOU making sense, I think your partner needs to explain why he's declined invitations 'on your behalf' for 2 years.

I did say in an earlier reply that I thought there might be something wrong with your relationship.

Pollycat wrote: »

I do think that there may be something wrong with the relationship with your partner.
Why don't you read through your original post and count how many times you say you "demanded" or "I told him....."?

January20

Oh my goodness I cannot people on here are being so nasty to the OP. If you want to be nasty, please go into discussion time. Not here! How can you say from the OP's few posts on one topic, one situation that she is an awful person? It's also interesting how people read what they want from the OP's posts and leave whatever would go in her favour.... How unfair!

OP, why won't your OH not let you arrive late/ leave early? Is it his decision or what his family like to happen. I must say I would find it difficult to spend that amount of time with my family, never mind with somebody else's family who I've never met! that's not because I'm a diva but because I become restless and need to move on somewhere else! I would feel trapped having to be there from 11 to 10. And what if you OH abandons you to your own devices? When he had a drink my ex-husband would do that. And there was no way to get him out until the last drink was being served!

Why did your OH decline invitations on your behalf for so long? Is he afraid to tell his family that he is moving abroad and therefore didn't want to risk you letting the cat out of the bag? Or are his family particularly weird? What was your meeting with his sisters like?

Personally, I wouldn't like to meet the whole family at the same time, and yet that is what happened to me. It was terrifying because I was quite shy and unsure of myself at the time. And they were so different from my family. So I understand completely where you are coming from.

And if you are moving abroad, does it really matter if you meet his family? You could leave it until they visit Canada? If they ever do....

missprice

mazinmouse wrote: »

My DH knows that if we're at a social and my brain stops or I am fed upand I am unable to summon up any of the usual strategies for dealing with this, then I either take myself off for a walk or I go and listen to the radio or read in the car. Could it be that you hate the thought of being trapped/cornered in a boring situation and that concern is overriding your curiousity at meeting the parents.

in a way yes its the trapped thing and no way out, i am fidgetty anyway so to be in one (i think small) house with 20 or 30 people i barely know
trying hard to be nice to people that as far as i could see have ignored my existence for over 2 years seems like my idea of hell

i like the idea of sitting in the car and reading

although after last 2 days who knows if i will even have to meet them now or ever

missprice

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

You are thinking about this waaaaaaaaaay to much. Sure 11am to 10pm is one heck of a looooooong day but TBH I would just suck it up and go. Get it out of the way. You're over thinking this and trying to second guess people you haven't even met. Hell you might even have a good time

The fact is family functions can be events that we have to go to and don't enjoy as much as being with our mates - but that's what grown ups do, they make the effort even when they might not really want to. I've got a family party coming up - I'd rather be having teeth pulled but I am making the effort more for my parents sake.

cheers but it was suggested bank hol mon at their house and have excuse made to leave really quickly
and thats what i am going with
the party thing aint for weeks yet anyway so i would meet them sooner

missprice

Pollycat wrote: »

Wow, no wonder you're reeling.
Never mind about YOU making sense, I think your partner needs to explain why he's declined invitations 'on your behalf' for 2 years.

I did say in an earlier reply that I thought there might be something wrong with your relationship.

you did indeed and i have thought for some time, well last year and a bit that he must be ashamed of me. and now its all ' well you have to meet them sometime' like i had said nothing about it ever or as if i had delayed it.
i dont yet know wether to stay together because of this. he has reasons for us not meeting and they not unbelievable but they are petty
we shall see and i am not sure i should meet them now as we may be apart next week but the bank hol monday plan is a starter if not this one another one

anyway thanks to all whp replied good and bad alike

euronorris

I hope it all works out in the end.

I think a long and honest talk between you two is in order and you need to let him know that lying to you and his family for so long is not acceptable, and if you are to stay together, then honesty from both of you will be needed in the future in order to make it work.

xx

Pollycat

I too hope it works out for you, I'm sure you're feeling confused and upset but don't do anything too hasty.

Think about what you really want and balance that against what your partner has done.