meet the parents (not)

JimmyTheWig

Ok, so the nickname / Jordan thing was all a bit of a red herring. Sorry about that.

Right, it's a bank holiday weekend.
What are you doing Monday?
Why not pop round and say hello?

I think the problem is that this meeting has been made such a big deal of. Probably sue to mis-communication at the start. Just get it over and done with.
Then you'll have met them and you can carry on your relationship (either liking or disliking his parents) like any normal couple.

missprice

poet123 wrote: »

Try putting yourself in the OH's parents shoes;-

Your son is living with a woman with kids, and who, when invited to visit on 3 occasions declines, (being a man he probably told them exactly why you had declined).....and who, unknown to them is actually about to whisk him off to live in Canada. How would you be feeling?

You do sound very juvenile, at a family party surely you can find somone to chat with? and your OH will be there. Neither of you have to be there all day. Arrive at the appointed hour, with wine, and flowers, smile and be pleasant, and let them see your OH has really got lucky. Stay a reeasonable length of time, say until other guests are making a move, and make your apologies and say youneed to get off because of your sitter. Be grown up, and if your nickname is used, laugh and say "xx sometimes calls me, that but I prefer xx .

If you go into the experience as you would to a dental appointment, then that is the sort of day you will have, if you go looking for the best in people and determined to be nice and pleasant, then you may just enjoy it.

its 2 occasions and the second one has yet to happen
its a mutual decision to move abroad
yes apparently he has to be there all day from 11am til around 10pm
kids are teens so sitter not an option
agree about the attitude to go in with
if i go many thanks for your comments

missprice

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Ok, so the nickname / Jordan thing was all a bit of a red herring. Sorry about that.

Right, it's a bank holiday weekend.
What are you doing Monday?
Why not pop round and say hello?

I think the problem is that this meeting has been made such a big deal of. Probably sue to mis-communication at the start. Just get it over and done with.
Then you'll have met them and you can carry on your relationship (either liking or disliking his parents) like any normal couple.

ok see this sounds like a plan
am working monday but not all day
will suggest it
many thanksJTW

euronorris

missprice wrote: »

possibly you actually wanted your partner to meet your family???
maybe you invited him without him having to mention it
maybe its automatic in your family to just invite OHs along as soon as something comes up
it seems to not be that way with my OHs family hence a 2 year wait to be invited
despite at least 3 gatherings

I understand that, but then they reached out to you, and you effectively rejected them.

And, I wouldn't be so certain that his family isn't inviting you. I could be wrong, and I'm not trying to upset you here, but it is very likely that his family are inviting you all the time and he's declining on your behalf without even telling you about the invite in the first place.

The fact that you wanting to meet his family after a year caused rows would ring alarm bells with me. What was he upset/angry about when you brought it up?

As for the moving abroad thing.....if he's seriously considering it, or made up his mind, then he would have already mentioned it to them. I told my parents, family and friends days after I made the decision to move. And I let them all know it was a possibility well before then so they had time to get used to the idea.

Do you have a garden? If so, why don't you invite them round for a BBQ one evening/weekend? That way, everyone is relaxed because of the sun, food and drink and you'll have the comfort of being at home and can just disappear into the house/kitchen 'to get something/pre-cook something' etc if it starts going bad.

Although, I have to ask, why do you think it will go THAT badly anyway? Is it just based on the no previous invites thing? Or, is there something else?

poorly_scammo

Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick but I think there's more going on here than meets the eye.

euronorris

missprice wrote: »

yeah ok maggied
have already asked this
answer is no
answer is no
no car currently so only his which leaves me or him to get taxi
as he also has to drop his kids off so therefore has longer journey he would prefer to have car
and no money am doing min wage jobs at mo
so if he that botherede that i meet them he can pay and no guarantee i would need to use it, therfore he would get it back

i didnt just say no outright when he asked me
i asked all these questions and then declined.

Can you not get there by public transport?

If you told OH that you had something to do during the day, would he be willing to come and pick you up around 7 or 8ish?

And, from your posts I am beginning to get the sense that meeting new people (especially large groups) makes you very uncomfortable. Is that right? If so, does your OH truly understand how you feel in these situations.

My OH is like that, and it's really hard for me to understand it (I'm the opposite), but I try really hard, and if arriving at a party later than usual would make him feel more comfortable, then that's what I would do. What is your OH's reasoning for not doing that btw? Is it just that he doesn't want to?

JimmyTheWig

poorly_scammo wrote: »

Apologies if I've got the wrong end of the stick but I think there's more going on here than meets the eye.

What makes you think that? What's going on, then?

poorly_scammo

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

What makes you think that? What's going on, then?

I'm not sure. Just that the OP demanded to meet his parents and then declined to meet his parents and yet they're planning on moving overseas. The OP has children: do the parents know about the children? The other thing is that whenever posters have suggested ways to meet his parents the OP discounts them and places obstacles in the way, it seems. It doesn't add up somehow. It just feels odd.

Perhaps I just have a suspicious mind.

JimmyTheWig

poorly_scammo wrote: »

whenever posters have suggested ways to meet his parents the OP discounts them and places obstacles in the way, it seems.

No, she's going to go with my suggestion of popping round there on Monday.

poorly_scammo

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

No, she's going to go with my suggestion of popping round there on Monday.

Right-o .:)