Elderly dad may be being conned

meritaten

I would be straight down to her home and asking the neighbours who lives there, what the relationship is etc! then confront her - ask why she is taking money from dad!
tbh - it DOES sound like a scam to me too!

Abbafan1972

I hope everything is ok Ma and that you are closer to sorting this out.

Mankysteve

Sorry I'm going to a bit harsh but kinder times never existed. Scams like this have been around for generations in some form or another.

My grandparents are older than your dad. My grandma talks about these scams all the time is fully aware of them. (she can talk for England)

You need to truely look back at the past and ask yourself was your father always generous to this level. I bet he wasn't too me. This doesn't mean it part of mental decline although it is possible

One thing for certain as people get older they get more stubborn and less likely to admit there mistakes. Also depression can be great factor in this age group. It could be the effects of depressions making him enjoy the extra attention of a young lady in return for some his money.

It may well have started out as slightly larger than normally tip and moved on from there and your father wanting the quiet life has carried on.

If he has hit 80 he is unlikely to suffer from dementia especially if he can navigate around london fine .

I would try to speak to someone like age concern as well.

Bufger

lynzpower wrote: »

Good luck hun.

The issue is really- does he MIND.

I mean, truly does he mind? He might like it, like giving money away? I have to be honest Ive given money to people that "i dont know" or "sound like scammers" including a few posters on here over the years, Ive never so much clapped eyes on. Although others might think Im bonkers, rest assured Im not!

I just like giving money away ( sometimes) and have a hunch when its "right"

I've PMed my account number!

Bufger

OP you have every right to be worried! Unfortunately younger and older people are easy targets to the most simple of scams. It just sounds like she is completely taking advantage of an old guy with a bit of money.

The hard bit now is getting him to realise without hurting your relationship with him. You can either intervene by finding out her contact details and contacting her directly with the threat of calling the police (or whatever you think would work), contact the authorities and find out what they can do or have a word with your dad and do it that way.

I personally would do it without your dad knowing you've been involved as older people can be really stubborn and if shes been showing him more attention than you he could well choose his relationship with her over yours.

MrsE_2

coolcait wrote: »

I can't say that I disagree with what the others have said, but there is another possibility.

Your dad may see, and treat, this woman as somewhat more than 'a daughter' , and that may be the reason why he gives her the money.

It doesn't mean that he's not still being conned, but be prepared for finding out more than you wanted to know if you do decide to start investigating the relationship further.

I hope you get it sorted out one way or another.

Thats my guess too & she stringing him along milking him for every penny she can.
Maybe the reason he can't go to her house is because she has a man friend of her own age there.

honey9

It does sound like a scam and it's worrying that he extended his overdraft to help her - what if she talks him into taking out a loan next?

I wonder too if it's just your dad she's taking advantage of? She might have a whole lot of 'friends' that's she's stringing along! I hope you manage to get this sorted out Ma, people preying on the elderly makes my blood boil.

omen666

MA Boswell, can you PM me her name and address and I will see what I can find out about her?

Primrose

I think you are right to be concerned, especially if this woman is keeping him at arms length and he's not allowed to visit her. I'd be tempted to express your concerns to his neighbourhood police team on the grounds that he is elderly and you fear that he is being conned as this woman's passport has been taken away and presumably she is now an illegal immigrant. From what you say it sounds as if you father lives a long distance from you. It may well be that if he has known this woman for 10 years he was using her as a daughter substitute if he didn't see his own children as often as he would have liked, but it sounds to me as if your father is being put undue undue emotional pressure and some more regular input from his family might well help to clarify exactly what this relationship is all about.

Ma_Boswell

Hi everyone sorry i disappeared for a while - i got a new job (phew!), mum was seriously ill ( gall bladder - she's okay now but will need an op later this year) and catastrophic computer failure.Still working on dad - he knows he can't afford to give her the money but says he cares about her - i pointed out that its a two way street and if she cared about him she wouldn't put him in this position -funny how when his dividends come in she "needs" £1000... and she never asks apparently - just "mentions" it and keeps mentioning until she gets it. Primrose, thank you for your comment - we do live fairly near but were estranged for some time ( won't go into it too much but his religion didn't help as in their eyes i am doomed to eternal damnation as i rejected my faith so he isn't supposed to bother with me) so she may be a family substitute to some extent - sad cos he could have always had a place in our lives if he hadn't put his religion first. He does get regular input from me ( only child) and from the son who is nearest, eldest son tries when he comes down but Dad is difficult with him( me and middle son have witnessed this - he just doesn't seem to like him at all, though they were great mates when eldest was a child - again its hard for his generation to see that under the tattoos he is still the same person). Youngest is in London but Dad never suggests a meeting and as youngest is Gay and dad doesn't know ( the fallout would be horrific - religion again) youngest doesn't push it. He has asked me for money to give her and i have refused on the grounds (true) that i don't have it and that when i was a struggling single mum i had to manage.Omen i will pm you - thank you for the offer. Will be around more now that mum is better (ish) and i have a working computer.