Elderly dad may be being conned

SallyUK

Hi Ma

You're welcome, glad you didn't take offence at my bluntness. I just hate to see people being gullible and taken advantage of, especially elderly people! It makes my blood boil.

Do you have any relatives or know of anyone who could perhaps try and check out this person for you?

I know you said it would be hard to follow him as he goes on the spur of the moment but how about his friend who was also giving her money? Are you able to maybe get any more info from the friend at all?

What about trying to get a name and then doing as someone suggested, checking on Facebook - although I know not everyone uses their own names on the Net, but then again she might not be even telling your Dad her real name?



Sal
x

Ma_Boswell wrote: »

Sal you are a woman after my own heart! I knew it was happening 8 years ago and we fell out over it badly. Then many other things happened and we slowly made up and the subject wasn't raised. Over the last year we've got properly closer and dad has been spending time with one of my sons who was back from travelling and he mentioned it to me cos he was very worried - so for the last few months i've been trying to "talk some sense" into him - thought i'd done it and then she asked for the £400 - initially he said "no" cos he didn't have the money - she asked again and he gave it her - it was the last straw for me - I realised i had to try to do something and I'm so glad I came here. I've contacted Action on Elder abuse to see what I can do - if anything and I'm looking into the possibility of her being in the country illegally as well - I agree she shouldn't be allowed to get away with it - as RAS said he knew someone who lost their house through a similar scam.. We'll see what happens - thanks for the support

Ma xx

Ma_Boswell

My next move has got to be to find out her full name and address, I reckon, then do some online checking, then see what London son can find out. Not ruling out the Police but as he's "giving" the money they will prob say its not in their field. Social Services might be good though - hopefully the elder abuse people wll come back to me with something.He said she had a laptop ( who paid for that?) - cos, bless him, he asked me how they worked - no, i didn't really know- so she could be on Facebook.
She has an unusual first name - will see what comes up on Facebook

Many thanks and hugs

Ma xx

coolcait

I can't say that I disagree with what the others have said, but there is another possibility.

Your dad may see, and treat, this woman as somewhat more than 'a daughter' , and that may be the reason why he gives her the money.

It doesn't mean that he's not still being conned, but be prepared for finding out more than you wanted to know if you do decide to start investigating the relationship further.

I hope you get it sorted out one way or another.

Ma_Boswell

I have considered that possibility - oddly that would actually seem better in some ways - still not a good relationship but less of a con if you see what mean. However he says thats not it and as he is quite open about such things and also has some rather strict religious principles ( I won't go into too much detail but his religion doesn't consider his and my mums divorce valid, so he is supposed to act as if he's still married and he goes along with it - I know it sounds crazy in this day and age and we've had many a lively debate over it, but thats how he is) i tend to believe him. But thanks for the warning - i'll be prepared for a shock. And your concern is really appreciated

Ma

C_Mababejive

Could she have been/still be an escort or prostitute?

Ma_Boswell

That possibilty was suggested to me by a friend - but if he was paying for "services" i don't think he'd talk about giving her money to me and my sons - and he is 87 ( tho I know thats not neccesarily a problem in that area). Or maybe he's got in too deep and is panicking - but that possibility would incline me to do a little digging of my own rather than try the police. I don't think thats it, but then i wouldn't cos he's my dad. Worth keeping in mind - so thanks for thinking of it

Ma

C_Mababejive

Leaving aside the escort issue for a moment, she obviously does have some emotional influence over him. He is a man of a certain age, almost certainly vulnerable,maybe a little frightened because of his age and impending death..she has probably manipulated him either in a cold and calculating fashion or perhaps a little more subtly. At 87,i doubt he would be having rampant sex with her but some..ermmm..comfort might be given and then she spills out her sob stories.

But what can you do? Well there is a real danger that if you intervene in the wrong way,you could hurt this chap and perhaps fall out with him and he will still go on seeing her.

I'd pursue the line of wanting to meet his friend. Put on your best faux friend face and get to meet her. You want to be her friend too dont you?

Once you have got yourself on the inside, she may well start to back off.

If you dive in with police and other agencies too soon,it may cause big issues with your relationship with your dad.

Ma_Boswell

Thats very much the situation - in fact thats what happened a few years ago which is why i had tried to ignore it once we made up again. Trouble is she shied off from meeting my son when we tried that ( and Dad was really keen for them to meet) so I don't know if it would work - still worth a try. Thanks for the advice

Ma x

nikki2804

I certainly don't envy your situation and it would certainly would make my blood boil if it was any of my relatives.

Now I may be going a step too far here but is it possible for you to get (even temporary) power of attorny (sp) or such and take control of your fathers money? Even on a temporary basis to show your father that once the cash stops that this [STRIKE]scumbag[/STRIKE] woman will just disappear!

I hope you get it worked out in the end!

RAS

MB

Please see if you can get this woman's full name and address.

Your London son can go to the main library in the borough and check the electoral roll for that address. If she is non-UK, she may still be entitled to vote, or have just added her details sop that she finds it easier to get credit.

You also need to try the social network web-sites.