Not very amicable split

pollyanna24

pinkshoes wrote: »

Because custody normally goes to the parent who has spent the most time looking after the child, which in this case is the father...

Granted, but I am pregnant with our second child. So would the Courts or whoever it is who decides let him keep the first child and me the second? That would mean us both out of work and separate the siblings.

He is only the full time carer cos he couldn't find a job. I am being penalised for working as much as I can to bring money in to look after a family that isn't even really a family.

He might "look after" her during the week, but she gets "dumped" when it comes to the evenings and weekends as I am around and he just goes off and does what he wants. Do stay at home mums just forget about their kids when their partners come home? No, they don't.

katglasgow

Put your salary and nursery fees into entitledto.com and see what sort of tax credits you are looking at as a single person, it might be not so impossible.

pollyanna24

katglasgow wrote: »

Put your salary and nursery fees into entitledto.com and see what sort of tax credits you are looking at as a single person, it might be not so impossible.

I have never been able to figure out this website. It says I get too many tax credits now which is scary!

I would just be able to cope on my 3 day salary and tax credits to pay mortgage and bills.

I would be reliant on him (or my mother who would give up work - almost reitrement age anyways) to mind the kids. I think it is fair that he looks after them. He gets his time with them and it would work out that it is like joint custody. Half the time with each parent.

I want to keep the house and not sell it as we are locked in a fixed rate and think we would make more money keeping it in the long run. I would be paying the mortgage, but he would eventually benefit by still getting half the proceeds when we sell. I think this is fair as he would have to move out and pay rent and there is no "investment" in that, so wouldn't begrudge him any money he would be owed from the house in the future even though I am the one paying the mortgage.

DKLS

Get legal advice, preferably a rottweiler of a solicitor, if as it already looks like he will play silly sods and will need sorting by a savage solicitor.

katglasgow

I would just be a little bit worried about entering into a situation where you are relying on him to be able to get to work incase it becomes bitter?
Def get some advice now and speak to your mother to find out where the land lies. You will be exhausted in late pregnancy and once baby is born - plan ahead.

RAS

Pollyanna

How are you going to fund a full year's maternity leave?

Pee

I do really feel for you as the situation is obviously very difficult.

Your OH is right though that lots of couples do work on the basis of one parent staying at home with the baby/ young children and the other parent being responsible for fully maintaining the family and that the working partner is usually the father.

You on the other hand are not comfortable with being the sole earner.

Presumably at some point it was agreed that it would work like this and you are changing your mind? Eitherway, if it's not working it's not working and he should want to come to some compromise that works for you both, especially with another baby on the way.

Has he worked in the past? I say this because I had an ex who couldn't work and wouldn't work for any longer than about a month and in fact I know other people like this and to my mind there is very little you can do about it. If you do separate, you can't expect any maintenance in the future.

There are two things you should do, one is take lagal advice on what would happen if you divorced and the other is talk to your OH about what you want, possibly suggest Relate, and see is there any chance that you can rebuild this relationship.

pollyanna24

RAS wrote: »

Pollyanna

How are you going to fund a full year's maternity leave?

Already rang the bank and they will let me have a payment holiday on mortgage in exentuating circumstances, maternity being one of them.

Other bills I can afford out of maternity pay and tax credits.

RAS

Thanks.

Soory to be nosey, but it seems to me that part of what you need to do is wait until you are on mat leave, take over the day to day care of DD as much as possible and then give your lovely BF the boot.

Is he named as joint owner of the house.

pollyanna24

Pee wrote: »

I do really feel for you as the situation is obviously very difficult.

Your OH is right though that lots of couples do work on the basis of one parent staying at home with the baby/ young children and the other parent being responsible for fully maintaining the family and that the working partner is usually the father.

You on the other hand are not comfortable with being the sole earner.

Presumably at some point it was agreed that it would work like this and you are changing your mind? Eitherway, if it's not working it's not working and he should want to come to some compromise that works for you both, especially with another baby on the way.

Has he worked in the past? I say this because I had an ex who couldn't work and wouldn't work for any longer than about a month and in fact I know other people like this and to my mind there is very little you can do about it. If you do separate, you can't expect any maintenance in the future.

There are two things you should do, one is take lagal advice on what would happen if you divorced and the other is talk to your OH about what you want, possibly suggest Relate, and see is there any chance that you can rebuild this relationship.

Thanks for your reply. It was decided when during my maternity leave, he was made redundant. I was up for it as it was the most sensible option and he didn't get this great job that he was going for. One thing he did say to me at the time though, albeit tongue in cheek, was that he might be begging me in six months to give up work cos he couldn't stand being a sahd. But hey ho, the situation is reversed, but he doesn't care as he is happy with the way his life while I'm at work has panned out.

But I found it so tough going back to work full time when she was eight months old. It certainly hasn't panned out as I thought. He expects me to do than what I think is my fair share when I get in at night as well.

We aren't married, so divorce isn't a option thankfully. He doesn't want anything to do with Relate.