HaHa my parents are having me over!

Person_one

nollag2006 wrote: »

It amazes me that grown adults still expect their parents to virtually wipe thier nose for them.

You are a grown up. Your parents owe you nothing.

You need to grow a spine and move out into the big bad world on your own.

It amazes me that people with caring families are seen as weak or childish for accepting help from them. Its not just a parent/child thing, I am currently receiving some support from my parents during a tough time (back home after break up and redundancy within 10 days of each other) but once I'm back on my feet I will always be prepared to help out a family member who's struggling, be it my parents, my brother, my nephews or my grandparents.

The idea that individuals are supposed to be totally self sufficient and families are supposed to wash their hands of each other once everyone reaches adulthood is a pretty new one even in this country and a completely alien one in many cultures.

Ulfar

Person_one wrote: »

It amazes me that people with caring families are seen as weak or childish for accepting help from them. Its not just a parent/child thing, I am currently receiving some support from my parents during a tough time (back home after break up and redundancy within 10 days of each other) but once I'm back on my feet I will always be prepared to help out a family mr who's struggling, be it my parents, my brother, my nephews or my grandparents.

The idea that individuals are supposed to be totally self sufficient and families are supposed to wash their hands of each other once everyone reaches adulthood is a pretty new one even in this country and a completely alien one in many cultures.

Your argument can be applied both ways too the OP.

She is whinging they are asking too much and shouldn't because they are family, it can be looked at the other way in that they need the extra to keep the house but the OP doesn't want to pay it.

Personally I think the OP moving out would be the best option. The parents can then get a lodger, downsize or move into their other house and rent the current one for more money.

As I have posted previously when living at home and working I paid 30% of my net income in rent. Even with this my family provided help with things and I help them out, even now after I have moved out.

This is especially true with my father being in the building trade. I help out with finance, IT and legal help which due to my work I have the knowledge about.

What my parents expect of me as an adult is to stand on my own two feet. There is mutual respect on both sides, this is something that I think has been lacking from the OP towards her parents who thinks they are being unreasonable.

motherofstudents

Can you not talk to your parents about this? My son pays £200 a month and that includes everything, his girlfriend lives here most of the time but only pays £40 because she does go home. It is difficult to have someone from outside the family as everyone, even parents, need their own space. I think that I don't charge enough but my idea was to let my son save up for his own home, I am his mother so I don't see it as me charging rent, it is just a contribution from an adult member of the family and to be honest we would struggle without it - of course if and when he leaves it will be our problem to sort out. I don't expect him to stay to bail us out. I think your resentment is about your brother only paying a small rent and now you have to pay so much more. I wouldn't begin to advise you on whether to leave or not but I would say give it plenty of thought and don't just base it on finances. Your parents have been there for you but there comes a time when it becomes difficult on both sides. I do hope you can work things out which will suit all concerned.

Person_one

Ulfar wrote: »

Your argument can be applied both ways too the OP.

She is whinging they are asking too much and shouldn't because they are family, it can be looked at the other way in that they need the extra to keep the house but the OP doesn't want to pay it.

Personally I think the OP moving out would be the best option. The parents can then get a lodger, downsize or move into their other house and rent the current one for more money.

As I have posted previously when living at home and working I paid 30% of my net income in rent. Even with this my family provided help with things and I help them out, even now after I have moved out.

This is especially true with my father being in the building trade. I help out with finance, IT and legal help which due to my work I have the knowledge about.

What my parents expect of me as an adult is to stand on my own two feet. There is mutual respect on both sides, this is something that I think has been lacking from the OP towards her parents who thinks they are being unreasonable.

From what the OP says, she has offered to help in ways such as looking at their outgoings, trying to save money by switching providers, better budgeting etc. but this help has been turned down as they would rather just have the cash than make any changes. You can't always help people who don't want to get on board with helping themselves!

I agree with you that the OP should move out in this particular situation. My comment was mainly in response to nollag's very general rant.

Chinkle

As soon as I saw your post I knew this would be a long thread. It's a recurring theme here "how much should parents charge adult children who live with them".

This can be:

• Nothing, wouldn't dream of charging your own family
• Peppercorn rent - a token of their contribution
• 1/3 of salary or some other multiple - so they understand the concept of budgeting etc
• Full market rate - so they appreciate what it's like in the "real world" or there is a genuine need to help cover costs. Or milking their children for profit

There's no right or wrong answer and ultimately the parents decide and if you don't like it then move out. You may want to remind them what the government rent-a-room limits are before they start incurring tax, but this could sour relations all round.

If you can rent a room (inc of bills) elsewhere for that price I would do so. Sounds like you and your partner could do with the space/privacy.

meg72

HaHaHa No I do not think they are. I think you need to grow up a little bit. Your parents have heavily subsidised you and your Brother and now you expect them to do the same for your Boyfriend.

Have a look around your area what can you get a double room for, including gas, electricity. council tax, water rates etc. The going rate for a single room around my area is £85 a week. I think you still have a good deal at your parents. and accordingly show them some respect.

banwa

Ulfar wrote: »

£400.00 pounds a month is nothing.

Your monthly bills will end up roughly, depending on area :

£400-£500 rent for a flat(possibly much more if you are in London)
£100 Council tax
£30-40 Electricity
£30 Gas
£30 Water
£20 Insurance
======
£610 to £720

This is just the basics not including, broadband, TV licence, Sky, etc.

I wouldn't be angry at your parents at all, you should be grateful they have let you have an easy ride.

This also means that Leanna and her boyfriend are paying over half the bills (if they have a mortgage of around £80k or less) so I can see why she's miffed.

Raggs_2

People have had a good look around. The OP can get a better deal elsewhere (between 50-100 pounds better).

When the OP was on 35 all in, then yes, it was heavily subsidised, once food was removed, not so much, at 100 a week, not including food, there's no subsidy at all (not even close).

banwa

Sorry I hadn't read all the way to the end.:o I think I'm agreeing with you Raggs, £35 was too little, £100 is too much, if they can't find a compromise, they could really do with finding a place of their own. I'm just repeating what's already been said though:p

She has been berated and called ungrateful but I can understand why she feels like she's being taken advantage of.

erichamster

Oh my God, move out, move out now!! Seriously for your own sanity, your relationship with your boyfriend and your relationship with your parents DEFINITELY MOVE OUT!

Honestly, moving out of home to live with my boyfriend at 20 (he was 24, and had been living out of home since he was 18) , into a not very nice shared house (with a hole in the floor, and a landlandy with an incontinent dog no less!) was the best thing I have ever done! Seriously, even if the place isn't that nice, privacy is worth so much, it is so good to be able to do want you want, come and go whenever you want without having to answer to anyone.

Also my relationship with my parents has improved so much now that we no longer share a roof, fo some reason once a child moves out, parents seem only able to remember everything they miss about you and not all the bad things you did.

And its so much better for your relationship . No more, "Shh, Mum and Dad might hear!" IYKWIM.

The best advice I can give you is consider a shared house if its all you can afford (its the acid test for any relationship, my boyfriend and I never argue and now really appreciate our one bed flat). Try and live with other couples and don't worry about having a shared living room, a bigger bedroom is more important as chances are you'll want your own space. Its nice if you can get on with your housemates but don't expect them to become your new best friends. Also don't expect the kitchen and bathroom to be kept pristine, if you want it clean you probably will have to clean it yourself.

Oh and my best bit of advice is try to live near your friends and where you want to go out and have fun, rather than where you work, you're always going to find time to travel to work but you might not find the time/money to travel to see friends and you risk isolating yourselves and living only to work.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.