HaHa my parents are having me over!

nollag2006

Person_one wrote: »

It amazes me that people with caring families are seen as weak or childish for accepting help from them. Its not just a parent/child thing, I am currently receiving some support from my parents during a tough time (back home after break up and redundancy within 10 days of each other) but once I'm back on my feet I will always be prepared to help out a family member who's struggling, be it my parents, my brother, my nephews or my grandparents.

The idea that individuals are supposed to be totally self sufficient and families are supposed to wash their hands of each other once everyone reaches adulthood is a pretty new one even in this country and a completely alien one in many cultures.

You have completely missed my point. This is nothing to do with family bonds.

The OP needs to take responsibility for their own life and their actions. If your parents put the rent up due to financial hardship, then your options are twofold:
1) Accept the rent rise and get on with your life
2) Do the adult thing, take responsbililty for yourself and move out into new premises.

Even the very peculiar title of the thread (HaHa my parents are having me over!) suggests a complete lack of responsibity and immaturity.

nollag2006

Ulfar wrote: »

...What my parents expect of me as an adult is to stand on my own two feet. There is mutual respect on both sides, this is something that I think has been lacking from the OP towards her parents who thinks they are being unreasonable.

Hear ! Hear !

Rosie75

I think some people are missing the point here (or maybe I am - in which case, I apologise in advance). The OP's rent has gone up. Fair enough, it's her parent's house and up to them how they put a price not only on the extra cost, but also the inconvenience, of having two extra people in their home.

However, it also seems that there is a degree of emotional blackmail here. The OP is not entirely free to move out since mum and dad are dropping hints that they are struggling financially and need her support. I can understand those posters who have implied that, as their daughter, she should help them out and, in normal circumstances I would agree. But given that they also seem to be frittering money away - it's not a case of need so much as want.

I agree with everyone else, though, that you should move out before this whole situation impacts negatively on your relationship with your parents. You can't put a price on that, or on your own freedom.

kelloggs36

Leanna86 wrote: »

What you haven't picked up on is the fact that I haven't refused nor has my partner refused to pay the rent, it isn't the amount it is the fact she won't tell me this is how much it costs so split 4 ways heres the costs. She doesn't have to! She doesn't have to justify her decisions to you - you are her daughter, not her partner. Bottom line is either like it or lump it.If I knew how much it was and I was paying less then I would offer more to even things out. Do your own sums - find out how much it would be including all bills and then make up your own mind - stay or go, it is up to you.

May I also add that neither of us are young, naive and as you put it a 'toerag' I am 24 and my partner is 25, so the fact that we decided to have a baby wasn't a contraception fault! We were living seperately at our own parents houses when I started having problems and my parents asked him to move in to help me, this was only supposed to be temporary until I had the baby then we were moving out, irrelevant of the fact my daughter passed away we were then asked not to move out.

Yes maybe I am being ungrateful but all I asked for was a break down of costs...that to me isn't being ungrateful its just being cautious with my outgoings.

I am not asking anyone for sympathy, but maybe this subject is just bringing out the nastiness in some people, I just wanted a few peoples version on whether I should stay save and leave, stay to help my parents, or just go now save hassle.

Seems I have my answer now, best to go and we will have our seperate lives and have a better relationship for it.

I will remove this post because I have my answer. Thanks everyone for your takes on this

.......................................................................................................

socks_uk

Leanna86 wrote: »

They have paid of the mortgage on that house and got a new mortgage out on this larger house, which they didn't realise the banding was top level, extra costs becaus eof the area, utility bills etc are higher than they anticipated etc. they have told me all this.

I'm sorry but rightly or wrongly I started to think that your parents didn't want you to move out 'to protect you' from a life of renting in a poor area where you might find the 'cheap houses' for rent. I might be reading between the lines but I read that you live in a big beautiful house (top level banding) in a nice area and I'm thinking that your parents wanted (at the time you were pregnant and asked your boyfriend to move in) you, your bf and their grandchild to have the best start in life.

Your parents might be keeping something from you, just like I am from my daughter (and I hope they are) and that is that they might be putting some of your rent money into an account to be able to give back to you when you finally do want to move out. Probably not but that is what I am doing.

My daughter is almost 22 and I always told her she could live rent free so long as she was in full time education. When she left college she got a part-time job and I started charging her £20 a month - that went into an account. She now works full-time earning about £700 a month and she now pays £100 a month - not much in the scheme of things but we live cramped in a 2 bed bungalow and outgoings are quite low in this area of the country. £60 of the £100 goes into the account and £40 goes towards bills - including our 6 cats which are all her fault we've got them!!
When she decides to move out (which we hope will be soon but only because of space) we will give her back some of the money towards rent or mortgage deposit. I will be asking her to continue to help pay for the cats.

Sorry if I have read too much into your home life and got it wrong... it's just how it reads to me.

silvercar

looby-loo wrote: »

Up to £40 a week is tax free under the governments 'rent a room' scheme.
Presumably they will be paying tax on the higher amount they want from you and will have informed their mortgage company and home insurance company about having lodgers thus paying more.

Alternatively could you sit down with them and offer to pay a little more on the understanding that you will save the rest towards your deposit thus being able to move out without renting which your father is against?

Rent a room scheme is £4250 a year or over £80 a week. There is no need to inform a mortgage company when family members (or their partners) move in. In fact the revenue is lenient on children contributing to family home costs.

diable

looby-loo wrote: »

Up to £40 a week is tax free under the governments 'rent a room' scheme.
Presumably they will be paying tax on the higher amount they want from you and will have informed their mortgage company and home insurance company about having lodgers thus paying more.

Alternatively could you sit down with them and offer to pay a little more on the understanding that you will save the rest towards your deposit thus being able to move out without renting which your father is against?

ssssshhhhhhhh you don't want to the the Gov everything............... ;p

schueys_girl

So...you are living there, in this one room, the two of you...
And that is it?

Aside from food, do you not?

- Wash, shower, bath, brush teeth? This is part of a water bill, with having your boyfriend there this is extra water.

Have a hot bath or shower? This is part of the gas or electricity bill, with having your boyfriend there this is extra HOT water.

- Watch TV? This is paid for with a TV license, and uses electricity, also if there is SKY or whatever then this is an extra bill.

- Use a computer? This is also electricity and if internet this is also a bill.

These are basic bills which you would be paying much more between you if you and your fella lived alone.

Then add in council tax, house insurance etc and your getting closer to what you would be spending.

Your parents are struggling, and need help with money, and you post on the internet about it?! I would be handing over the cash, sorting out a cooking rota to give my mom and break and always cleaning up after myself without prompting.

None of this is supposed to sound rude - but it sounds like your parents are treating you as 5 year olds for a reason! When me and my fiance lived with my parents my fiance used to get indegestion because he HATED the thought of sitting there with my moms plate and cutlery dirty and her thinking she ahd to clear up after him - so as soon as he had finished his food within a second he was on his feet washing up!!

This is someone elses house, and more importantly, your parents house. They have invested money in the house, and in you, since you were born.

£200 a month each...is nothing....good luck finding that in the real world!

You are in a lucky position - i take it you are both earning full time wages? You can sit on stacks of money and save for a deposit easily for your own place, its much harder to do when you aer renting and have all the other bills to pay.

If me and fiance could of stayed at my parents we'd be saving about £2000 a month!!!! God!....Now theres an idea................MOM!!!!!! hehehe

schueys_girl

Basde on everything I have read...I think you should move out and see what its like, then you will have somethnig to compare it with

overandout_2

I think you are really lucky to have parents who would house you and your partner in their house. I'll apologise if I sound harsh - but I think you could do more for your parents.

If your parents are house-proud, you should respect it. Which means, you should clean the dishes once you are done with it immediately. You should know your parents...you know their routine - you know what they like/dislike. Do what you can to please them - once you respect their house, chances are, they will stop treating you like 5 years old. Remember, you could be an adult but you are still living at home - which means you are living under their rules.

Personally, £200 per person per month is nothing much.All utility bills + rent + the fact that they have to share their living space with your partner which sounds about right. I have been giving my parents money every month (£250) and I'm NOT living with them. I have to pay my own mortgage, utilities, food, etc....consider yourself lucky!!

Besides, they are your parents....as a child, be grateful and deal with them accordingly. If you think it is jeopardising relationships, then your best bet is to move out.