Anyone older & wiser able to help lost 21 year old

mrme

busiscoming2 wrote: »

With reagrds being gay, I noticed you put ' I have fully accepted that I am gay, I wouldn't say I'm pleased about it' this is the same thing my son of 19 has said to me, so you are not alone. He always saw himself as growing up, getting married and having kids. I know this is possible in a same sex relationship, but not what he and you maybe invisiged? Is this what you refer to as your other problem?
Just to finish, I think you have done very well for youself and should be proud of your achievements.

You have hit the nail on the head with your last point, I would have loved to have got married & had a family. I think every gay man/woman fears getting old because who will be there for them?? I need to meet more gay people, that like myself, don't publicize they are gay to everybody they walk past. Just need to find a way to do this and thanks to the posts here I have a few options.

I hope in a few weeks, months hell even a year I can look back at this post and cringe. If I do then that will mean I'm happy and sorted again.

BitterAndTwisted

mrme wrote: »

I drive past a rowing club every day, not sure if I have the physical strength needed to join but I'm going to find out. Have always thought it would be a good way to keep fit & sure there would be a social side. Have considered gyms but the year long contract has always put me off - One thing I am happy about is the fact I can up & leave immediately there is nothing keeping me here.

I think the rowing-club is a fantastic idea! A married friend of mine joined her local rowing-club as a complete novice and 12 months later was taking part in competitions. PLUS the social life which opened up for her, living in a new town and not really knowing anybody really well, made a huge difference to her social life.

Note: as with Prozac St Johns Wort can take some time before the beneficial effects can be felt, so don't be tempted to stop taking them after only a week or two. You might want to have a look at the Simply Supplements website as that was the cheapest place I found online.

Hugs to you. Life was good before and it will be again and sooner than you think, I hope.

claireac

mrme wrote: »

You have hit the nail on the head with your last point, I would have loved to have got married & had a family.

But you can do all these things!!

I think you need to see your gp first and foremost. Your gp may be able to prescribe something for the depression - and it will help!

I'd also be off travelling if I were you. Maybe volunteering would be ideal for you, as you'll be meeting people.

You've taken on a lot of responsibility for someone your age, and I don't mean that in a derogatory way at all. My eldest son is 20 (almost 21) and lives with his gf and their baby. I love them all, and he's very happy, but I always think what if for him.

I really think that the only things we regret in life are things we didn't do.....

Person_one

mrme wrote: »

You have hit the nail on the head with your last point, I would have loved to have got married & had a family. I think every gay man/woman fears getting old because who will be there for them?? I need to meet more gay people, that like myself, don't publicize they are gay to everybody they walk past. Just need to find a way to do this and thanks to the posts here I have a few options.

I hope in a few weeks, months hell even a year I can look back at this post and cringe. If I do then that will mean I'm happy and sorted again.

You can have all this regardless of your sexuality these days, thankfully! I know lots of gay couples who are planning weddings, thinking about adoption etc.

I think it might be a good idea to get on that waiting list for counselling. If you don't need it in 3 months, just don't go. It seems like you need a bit of help and support in coming to terms with your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with people being as open and obvious as they want to be about being gay. Straight people walk round all the time acting blatantly straight! Holding hands with girls, drinking pints, talking about football, have they no shame!!

Savvy_Sue

I agree, get yourself on the waiting list for the counselling, but also consider if you can possibly afford a referral to a private counsellor. The NHS counselling is likely to be short, sweet and to the point, and if you don't get on with the counsellor that's just tough. But paying for a few sessions when you really need it can be really worthwhile.

mummy_Jay

mrme, I am a single mum with a 5 year old, I have a really close 'gay' friend who has pretty much step into the 'dad' role for my boy. Being gay doesn't mean you can't have a family, it just means it comes in a different package.

Now sign up for that rowing club.

Try and get some fresh fruit & veg maybe some fish into your diet as these are all proven to help ease depression (where as our beloved junk food, how ever wonderful it tastes, promotes it). Humor me for a few days on this, also give yourself a break from alcohol for a week (its another major depressant), see if it makes a difference.

You also need to try to get a good nights sleep (OMG I sound like my mother), try a warm bath just before bed and putting an audiobook on when your in bed or something (make sure its something you haven't heard before), it should hopefully help relax you and take your mind off the day.

Big hug, your actually already sounding more like your coping.

mrme

Well I'm packing to go home for the weekend now, going to have a chat with the parents tonight and my sister also. We have a weekend walk in the lakes planned for next weekend which I am determined to go on even though to be honest I don't feel like doing much right now. I will go for the counseling too as typing away on a forum has helped so much.

I have emailed the rowing club to see if they take on members with no experience, will have to wait and see what they say. I work for a huuuge travel company so think I might make use of my generous discount and get a holiday booked somewhere exotic, I'm thinking Cuba this time!!

Made some decisions, I am not going to attend the police specials interview in May. I have emailed to see if, instead, I can attend at a later date as it really is something I would love to do but it is not the right time. As for traveling, well I think I'm going to wait and see about that one. I could maybe apply for time off from work, I think you can take up to a years leave so I wouldn't come back jobless. As much as I want to get out of my routine I have to be sensible. Hoping to be at my desk Monday morning, I don't think loads of time off is going to help me... so to everyone at work I had a migraine.
.

RAS

Well done so far.

You may find that exercise helps because it releases endophorins which are the body's home made happy drug.

Enjoy the weekend with your family.

fantasia322

The great thing about forums is that you do get unbiased, honest comments. I could not read and disappear without a comment, so I hope thats ok. At 21, you are just a baby, barely hatched out of the egg, and what seems like the end of the world, is just a glitch. My son is gay also (sexuality isnt an issue or it should'nt be). The family, solid steady thing with kids can happen and will if and when the time is right. Don't go worrying your head about that right now. I think you should take the redundancy and go and experience the world, its out there and its at your feet. Go take it by storm. Have a gap year, learn a little bit more about you, meet some new people. When people break up with you, its a blessing in disguise (even if it doesnt feel that way) and their justifications for doing if are usually a reflection of their own inadequacies.
Get some support from your family if poss, reflect and then just go wherever the music takes you. I wish you well,
But come back in a year and post again and weight up the differences between then and now and I guarantee, it will be a whole new ball game.
I do wish you the very best, and I believe that all things happen for a reason. Go get 'em champ.
xXx

silvasava

A really big hug mrme - you sound such a lovely well banced person who is trying to deal with a huge amount of emotional stress at the moment which would be daunting for anyone regardless of their age. I was going to suggest you try St Johns Wort - but have seen you've already decided to give it a go. I must admit I have found it very beneficial in times of great stress & any exersize in the fresh air is always good. I would say back pedal for a little while until you are feeling more on top of things before you make any life changing decisions. You have a job, a home & family - give it a little while & hopefully your options will become a little clearer for you - Good Luck xx