Anyone older & wiser able to help lost 21 year old

mrme

I hope this is the right place to post this... and that I don't go on for too long but I'm really fed up at the moment and really don't know who to talk to.

I'm 21 and should be enjoying life but I'm really not. I was sent home from work this morning to the Drs because I essentially broke down on my boss who knew I wasn't right. I have a week off from work and want to use it wisely to try and put things into perspective and see the wood through the trees, not just mope around.

I am usually a very driven person, If I want something I get it. For example I purchased a brand new car at the age of 17 (thanks to MSE forums and me undercutting the school vending machines... I was a bit of a delboy ) moved away from my home county after just turning 18 to my own rented apartment which if I do say so myself is very nice. I have a pretty respectable job I guess, we are recruiting at the moment and the amount of applications from way overqualified graduates is crazy. On paper I have a hell of a lot to be thankful for and have done well for myself.

The problem is I have been unable to deal with much stress recently, I had really bad acne throughout my teens which was absolutely awful to live with. Aged 17 I took up the offer of accutane and it has some pretty nasty side effects on some people, one of which being depression and in some cases suicide attempts. Did I think it would happen to me, no, I just wanted clear skin as I was becoming a man.
I had to have 2 courses and it has helped although I still have pretty bad skin. Today I admitted I am actually struggling. I told nobody I was on these drugs so I've been dealing with it alone for some time.

I was coping okay but haven't had a very good few months. I'm conscious this is already a long post so won't go into details but I am not at all happy where I live, my role at work has become redundant and the new one offered to me just isn't what I want but I feel stuck as jobs are so hard to come by right now and I couldn't honestly tell you what I want to do anyway. At the moment I have a 9-5:30 office job and I don't find it in the slightest rewarding. Two of my grandparents have just passed away, neither very nicely and for my 21st I was meant to be going on a holiday of a lifetime that I have been planning for over 6 months. It never happened due to the volcanic ash and I lost most of my money... not something I have much of as I don't have much disposable income.

And the thing that tipped me over the edge was getting dumped yesterday. I'm gay (I think thats the 2nd main issue here) and the guy I was dating was amazing. He was in the RAF and had the most amazing lifestyle. Okay he's off to Afgahn soon which is a bit scary but he's really made me realise how unhappy and lonely I am. I have pushed most of my friends away over time and my life has become routine. I go to work, come home, eat half a ready meal and go to bed. Basically that's why he had to end it, he didn't say it so bluntly but right now I'm boring and am just plodding on with no goals, ambition or direction in life. Absolutely gutted I won't see him again and am struggling to hold back the tears if I'm honest.

If you've not nodded off by now, I guess my question is would I be mad to just quit my job (I can take redundancy but will only be around £3000 as not been there all that long) get rid of all my furniture & possessions and just go traveling for a few months? Or would that just be running away? I would come back to nothing and have to move back in with my parents, who I need to go have a big old chat with as they don't know anything is wrong.

I have an interview for police specials at the end of may as I thought it would be a good thing to get into and would be a way to meet people, possibly an entry to a career in the police force which is something that interests me but not sure the timing is right.

I'm just lost, any words of wisdom would be appreciated. I know I have waffled but there is so much more I could say/expand believe me.

Thanks Again
mrme

Souk08

Two words - Do it. Then again do it, do it, do it, do it. Don't plod away at a life you don't enjoy. It's pointless. Get on a plane (obviously once this carry on has died down!), get out there and enjoy life. You may not like the first place you go but by getting away you will gain perspective, life experience and most importantly WILL HAVE FUN. At 21 that's all you need to worry about. Go for it XXX

jazzyjustlaw

You sound to me like an amazing sensible 21 year old. Keep plodding on!!

Apricot

Im not much older (22) and not wiser but in my opinion I would go for it Take the redundancy, sell your possessions and have some amazing life experiences. If you are not happy with your life then change it, going travelling is probably one of the most amazing things you can do with your life and you may just meet the love of your life!

You will come back (if you decide to) and have a whole new perspective on life and memories to last you a lifetime. If you don't do it you will always wonder "what it".

Good luck x

johnswife

I'm a mum, 55, and I just want to give you a big hug.

I think you have had a lot happen, one after the other, and you need time to sort it all out. It may help if you list them all down and see what plan of action there is:

Regarding the depression with the medication, what did the doctor say? do you want to carry on taking it, despite the side effects and can the doctor give you anything to help with that?

As you said the 2nd main issue is that you are gay, do all your family, friends and work know? One of my daughters is gay, she is 20, and I think a lot of her problems may be related.

You may still need to grieve for your grandparents and also your relationship breaking up so give yourself time.

You are young, so if you want to give up your job and travel then do it but i would get yourself well and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.

realised

I'm 20 (21 soon) and I'd also say for go for it! See it as not running away from it all but running towards something! It could be a great opportunity to have fun, meet loads of new people and most importantly it seems like it could be a well deserved break away from all the stresses that are making you unhappy. Jobs will come and go but life is for living... There's no point staying if it's making you this miserable! I totally agree with what johnswife is saying also. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Good luck!!

McKneff

Im next in the hug line


You need time to grieve for your grandparents, you need time to grieve for the end of your relationship.

Give it a month a ponder over it.

You also need some self esteem, yu had loads, get it back.
Youre a person in your own right and every single person is unique.

If youre unhappy, what would make you happy, have a think about it.
I agree totally with Princessleah. Get out and about.
Im a 60 year old nana with a grandson of your age. He was the most mixed up teenager you could meet, went bad, really really bad and we couldnt see the light, but it eventually came, slowly. He is now a gardener, he is a major grafter, he says he cant believe he's getting money for something he really loves doing.
Do what youre heart tells you, plenty of time later to do what your head tells you.
Travel, travel and more travel, meet new great friends, you may come back with your soulmate, you may come back alone, but you will have done it and have made some brilliant memories as well as a nice tan:)

Good luck sweetheart, and just as an afterthought, have you yourself accepted the fact that you are gay.

katy1987

hi, didn't want to read and run- you sound so balanced! i hope you do get to go travelling. i'd say at 21 you have a lot of time to get back to having a flat/car/job after having a break.

the idea about the police stood out to me. fwiw my best friend has mental health issues including severe recurrent depression and she used to be in the police. she started out as a special as it happens. i would not recommend this as a career whilst you are on/reacting to the accutane. the job was SO stressful to her and triggered multiple problems. and although of course it's not true of everyone in the police, i have experienced (through her) a lot of unpleasant attitudes towards those who are 'different' such as my friend. she was eventually forced out by the -for want of a better word- backstabbing nature of those people she worked with after a suicide attempt (the second in 5 months).

i hope this doesn't come across as me being patronising or suggesting you wouldn't be able to cope; it's just that i saw what it did to her (and i believe that her depression was a big factor in her response to the job) and it was very difficult to watch.

ramble! sorry for hijacking!

best of luck to you OP.

whitewing

Can you put your stuff into storage, rather than get rid of it? Then maybe take redundancy and move in with your parents, if they won't drive you nuts.

Give yourself a little time to adjust and then go abroad (some friends of mine have done it thro BUNAC and loved it). If you work abroad thro an organisation you won't have so many costs and can keep some of your redundancy money maybe for when you come back.

You have done well so stride forward with confidence.

GEEGEE8

Oh dear, things sound very tough for you right now..

I really hope you decide what you would like to do, the travelling sounds awesome, I wish I had done it, my sister did and had the time of her life in australia!

xx

lostinrates

I think you are being very brave. Even seeking help so quickly shows what a proactive person you are.

I think you need to look at life balance. Moving away from home and then becoming a little isolated from friends is no good: times like this is when you need good friends.

I'd be wary of making an huge decisions while you are in extremis.

Like others, I'd love to give you a hug.

re boyfriend, you must be pretty lovely a guy too too have been with someone you rate so well.