Anyone older & wiser able to help lost 21 year old

laurel7172

If the Accutane is making you depressed, you possibly need to be finished with it before you make any big decisions. You really need to talk to your doctor.

Frankly, you have an astonishing amount on your plate, and I'm not surprised you've started to struggle. Especially with a big breakup on top.

As far as travelling goes, people say you can't run away from problems, because you take yourself with you, and to an extent that's true. But I know I've lived life lighter when I've ditched possessions and run. Stuff accumulates, real life reappears and the freedom doesn't last forever, but it gave me the space to work out who I was. (On the other hand, I've also known miserable people who spent all their travelling time whining. Only they know why they bothered.)

All I can say is...a good friend once told me to start behaving like the person I wished I was. It was good advice. What would the person you wish you were do right now?

Take care x

lostinrates

mrme wrote: »

I have fully accepted that I am gay, I wouldn't say I'm pleased about it but it's who I am and if you don't like it, lump it. Everyone that matters knows, so my immediate family, the few real friends I do have and everyone at work. My Facebook says I'm interested in men too so I don't hide it, just don't let it define who I am.
My problem is I live in a very small 'city' that has no gay bars or anything like that. Even if I did want to go and meet new potential partners I couldn't, I have to use the internet but shock horror all most people want is nookie. I just tell them to jog right on of course!

Please don't feel like that. A couple of weekends ago my DH and I sat on the lawn in our garden chatting life, troubles, taxes, costs of wedings and about whether the two couples should consider parenthood etc with another couple. That they are gay really isn't an issue for me, nor most people. These guys happen to be very lovely, people...a committed couple who make a great pair: I am deeply fond of them, as is DH (whose friend one of them orginally was). It honestly make s no difference, and I would want any gay friend to feel able to rejoice in thir sexuality/relationships/loves as much as a straight friend.

Are you able perhaps to travel further afield to meet people? Both for friendships and relationships? wuld you feel up to it this week, when you aren't worrying abou being tired for work etc if you have a couple of late nights? Not necessarily meeting any one, just having fun, relaxing and feeling...not removed from a dating/social scene?

Another thing: this medium of communication often leads people to misunderstand people and react stringly. I would say the compassionate responses you have had, and the warmth I feel towards you from your writing is further testamony to your character.

busiscoming2

I am sending you more ((((big hugs)))). I wouldn't like to tell you whether you you quit your job and go travelling, but I do think the idea of charity work abroad sounds a good starting point if you do decide to go, at least you will have company, which I think is what may help you. I can't remember which poster said it, but you do sound very lonely.

I would go see your parents and talk to them, I am sure your mum will want to give you a hug. Perhaps you should re visit the drs about your medication.

With reagrds being gay, I noticed you put ' I have fully accepted that I am gay, I wouldn't say I'm pleased about it' this is the same thing my son of 19 has said to me, so you are not alone. He always saw himself as growing up, getting married and having kids. I know this is possible in a same sex relationship, but not what he and you maybe invisiged? Is this what you refer to as your other problem?
Just to finish, I think you have done very well for youself and should be proud of your achievements.

sophieschoice

If you're not going travelling then I'd definitely recommend going ahead with being a Special.
Apart from the variety of life you will see, police forces have active gay staff associations so it will enhance your social life too!

Savvy_Sue

If these feelings have been building up for some time, then I would strongly recommend seeing your GP and asking if it's possible to see a counsellor. Because if you quit your job and go travelling, you may still find that you've taken yourself and your 'problems' with you, and they'll come home with you too.

It can be very helpful to talk things through with someone who won't tell you what to do, but will listen and help you work out what you want.

Mind you, as a mum to lads of around your age, I'd be gutted if mine didn't come home and tell me they were not happy. Having said that, I didn't, and don't, tell my parents when things aren't going so well!

BitterAndTwisted

I'm a lot older than you but I doubt very much that I'm any wiser.

In your situation, where there have been many unwelcome life-changes piled up all at once I would advise against making any radical changes to your life right now. Try to address one thing at a time. Right now, I think the most pressing one is the depression. PLEASE DO NOT DISCOUNT THE POSSIBILITY OF TAKING ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. These could offer you some short-term respite to help you to get all of the other things in their proper perspective.

In the current economic climate I think accepting a mere £3k in redundancy when jobs are so very hard to find will not last you very long when JSA is only £65 a week. I also think that when you're depressed it's best to have as much continuity and normality as possible: life-changing decisions are best made when you're in the very best frame of mind, not down in the slough of despond. A new job could be sought when you're back to feeling 100% and can give those job interviews your best shot. Perhaps your next job could be in a larger town where there might be the possibility of meeting new gay friends or even possible partners.

sindygirl58

Having read all the replies, I absolutely agree with the above from bitter and Twisted.
Being dumped for want of a better word, is the most shattering souls destroying experience, I sense this was the finl straw. It will take time to get over, and you cant run away from it, its a process and cant be like a bereavemnt. Try to tell yourself he didnt reject you, just the relationship didnt work for him. Be proud to know that you are loveable.
Talk to family.. write down your feelings, it slows down that mad whirl of thoughts which spin in your head.

mummy_Jay

Big hug .

You say your not keen on medication for what you believe is depression, with depresssion you can do alot to control/releave it just by looking at your diet and exercise levels, put it this way it wouldn't hurt to look at it. But from what you say I see someone who works really hard, has had a lot of emotional turmoil recently but has not confided in anyone close, it could be as simple as you need a mate you can talk it all through with and a physical release for your stress (at your age for me it was going moshing in a club ever week but others it was martial arts, something physical to let out the stress).

As for your dilema of travelling abroad or the police interview, how about a third option look at jobs abroad or delay the interview and look at doing something like being a counselllor at camp america over the summer? I do think the idea that you need a holiday or at least a change of scenery for a few days is good, it will give you chance to clear your head and deal with all these built up emotions. Don't feel you need to make big decisions like this straight away, give yourself time.

Pick up the phone and talk it all through with a member of your family or a close friend.

Go a choose to do something you have never done before, go to your local sport center a try a lesson in something, go for a day trip to a big city, book yourself a night at a cheap holtel and go clubbing there, or go wonder round your local museum. Just something different, that will get you out and about.

Find yourself a physical out let for all that stress at work.

mumslave

Hi there,

Dont do anything rash yet! You have had lots happen in a short time. Can I ask, were you actually unhappy with your lifestyle BEFORE your partner dumped you? Or are you wanting to become what you think he wants, someone more spontanious perhaps, more exciting? If thats the case you cant live life for other people, you live it for yourself.

It may seem boring just now, but as you say, you are doing so well. Would jacking it all in to go travelling really and truly make you happy or just be a distraction in the short term? I only wish I had had your sense at your age and I am not all that much older.

One thing is for sure, you are taking a drug with known side effect of depression, its certainly worth going to your GP about that and discussing overall how you are feeling. Take your time before you make any big decisions, there is no rush and once you make them, there is no going back!

mrme

I know I keep saying it but thanks so much for the replies, it's heartwarming to know that there are strangers out there genuinely seem to care for people like me who are in a bit of a pickle. Thanks for the hugs... They are the best things in the world

I almost feel guilty as I know that there are so many people out there much worse off than me making the best of their life whilst I'm off work feeling sorry for myself. I'm not really eating or sleeping so have very little energy right now, I think that's my number one priority - get my energy back. Just to clarify I have been to the Drs and the offer was Prozac or counseling. I would have gone for the latter but It's a 3 month wait minimum on the NHS. I have ordered some st johns wort and will give that a bash. I am also no longer on the medication, the damage has been done there.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

A new job could be sought when you're back to feeling 100% and can give those job interviews your best shot. Perhaps your next job could be in a larger town where there might be the possibility of meeting new gay friends or even possible partners.

I think that's what I need to do long term, I have just felt trapped where I am though due to current job market and the fact I don't actually have a degree. I did extremely well to get the job I have now, it's just such a shame the offices are located in Peterborough of all places. I have given it over 2 years but it's not for me & neither is the new job I have been offered.

mummy_Jay wrote: »

Big hug .
Go a choose to do something you have never done before, go to your local sport center a try a lesson in something, go for a day trip to a big city, book yourself a night at a cheap holtel and go clubbing there, or go wonder round your local museum. Just something different, that will get you out and about.

I drive past a rowing club every day, not sure if I have the physical strength needed to join but I'm going to find out. Have always thought it would be a good way to keep fit & sure there would be a social side. Have considered gyms but the year long contract has always put me off - One thing I am happy about is the fact I can up & leave immediately there is nothing keeping me here.

mumslave wrote: »

Hi there,

Dont do anything rash yet! You have had lots happen in a short time. Can I ask, were you actually unhappy with your lifestyle BEFORE your partner dumped you? Or are you wanting to become what you think he wants, someone more spontanious perhaps, more exciting? If thats the case you cant live life for other people, you live it for yourself.

Yes, I was unhappy with things before I met my ex. I'm not going to lie though I do want to be more exciting & spontaneous like I once was because I can't really see anyone wanting to be with me the way I am at the moment. I think it was a case of unrequited love with him looking back.