Anyone older & wiser able to help lost 21 year old

McKneff

realised wrote: »

I'm 20 (21 soon) and I'd also say for go for it! See it as not running away from it all but running towards something! It could be a great opportunity to have fun, meet loads of new people and most importantly it seems like it could be a well deserved break away from all the stresses that are making you unhappy. Jobs will come and go but life is for living... There's no point staying if it's making you this miserable! I totally agree with what johnswife is saying also. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Good luck!!

:T an old head on young shoulders. (thats a complinment but Im sure yu realise that, good post from someone so young.

If I was 20 again i would be off like a shot, Id do everything i have done but just 10 years later.:D

Barneysmom

Hi mrme.
You seem to have hit your brick wall. All of us hit a wall at some point in our lives and we all need help. So don't feel shy or embarrassed about it.
You've had several massive events happen virtually all in one go. So you need to really take it easy on yourself for a while.

It must be so hard for you right now, not knowing which way to go, whichever way you decide, it'll be a brave step.
I'm going to try and grade your problems and I think maybe the loss of your grandparents must have hit you hard. And the ending of your relationship must be huirting too.
The loss of your holiday in any other circumstance might not seem so imprtant but added to everything else, it's another chip at the wood.

So, maybe it's time to take stock.
You have a job, not the one you want to do but it's a job and we all need one.
Maybe it is time for a change,it'll be a brave step for you to take if you do take redundancy.
Do you want to work for the police? It's a respectable job and you can be proud of yourself if you do.
You might like to have a look at temp jobs in Europe, summer jobs will be available about now? A new start.
Not runnning away at all, but carrying on with your life the way you want to.

If you have the opportunity to travel, take it with both hands.
Make yourself some memories xx

Person_one

If you went travelling on your own are you sure it would make you feel better? It seems like loneliness is as much your problem as anything else.

Why don't you try doing some stuff where you live to try and expand your social circle and meet people you can have these experiences with? Volunteer, take up a hobby or learn a skill.

You could join say, a climbing club, take some lessons, meet some people and that will lead to trips out climbing within the UK, then further afield and you could be on top of Everest within 5 years! Travel travelled, routine shaken up, friends made.

Climbing is just one example, is there anything you fancy doing? Snowboarding? Open water swimming? Canoeing? It doesn't even have to be outdoorsy if thats not you!

mrme

Thanks to each and everyone of you who have replied. Already feeling a bit better and think I might go have a bit of toast now as haven't eaten since yesterday morning!! Think it's time I threw his toothbrush head away and stupid things like that too.

I have fully accepted that I am gay, I wouldn't say I'm pleased about it but it's who I am and if you don't like it, lump it. Everyone that matters knows, so my immediate family, the few real friends I do have and everyone at work. My Facebook says I'm interested in men too so I don't hide it, just don't let it define who I am.
My problem is I live in a very small 'city' that has no gay bars or anything like that. Even if I did want to go and meet new potential partners I couldn't, I have to use the internet but shock horror all most people want is nookie. I just tell them to jog right on of course!

With regards to the medication, I am no longer on it but I've not been myself since taking it. I so wish I had taken more notice of the warnings. I don't really want to take anti depressants, I guess because of the stigma. It won't help me finding a new job this time off work.

Katy1987, you haven't hijacked at all. You have actually really helped me. I don't think the timing is right to go for the police specials interview. I'll see what the future holds I think and if I can re-apply when I have sorted myself out.

Think tonight will be spent looking at travel options, I wouldn't want to go off on my own but sure there will be some organised options available to me... I can always go my own separate way in time. Love the idea of charity work, will also look into that. Will also pack my bags and drive home tomorrow... take the dog for a long walk and sit down with my parents. Might even print off my post and show it to them.


Thanks again,
mrme

Patrick20

I feel for you mate. I had the intention to just have a read and not post but your situation tugged on my heart strings. Regarding the acne meds nothing is worth screwing with your mental health so go see your doctor immediately. As for being gay, i have a friend who is gay and i know how hard it can be sometimes. I also wouldnt go traveling until you get the depression thing sorted out. Traveling when your head isnt in the right place is a bad idea.

Spirit_2

As a mum to a 22 year old who 'should have it all' but actually has to battle depression (she also took roaccutane at 17) - my heart goes out to you......and to your mum and dad who probably believe you are very happy. We were in the dark about how poorly our daughter was, and although some of our hopes and dreams for her took a knock the most important thing was that we love her unconditionally.

You plainly have an underlying drive and a capability that has enabled you to set yourself goals and go for them....that this well has run dry for a while does not mean that it has gone altogether,forever. Give your self a break, do not take any life changing decisons whilst very low, but talk through (with those that love you and know you) what your options are.

If you have always wanted a gap year great....but they are not for everyone.

If your job is 'dead end' would the redundancy lump sum be a good starting point to fund a degree or further education?

Breaking up is hard whatever your sexual preferences, there are plenty of threads where posters describe their sense of loss. You described your 2nd main issue as being gay - which sounds as if you have concerns about that too - can you talk to gay friends or helpline/dedicated resources to help you through what is causing the you to feel it is an 'issue'.

Keep posting ... we want to hear how you are doing, ups and downs.

Love
Spirit

Odette

Hi, Im 24, so not much older but Ive been there. Go travelling if you have the money, several of my friends who have done so much, its a whole way of live, infact two of my friends, from different social circles, now live on a tiny tropical island in thailand and all they do is scubadive and have a great time!
If you stay here then maybe its time to reassess whats going on in your life. Take some time and write a 'shopping list' of what you would like in the future, try and be specific. e.g. I want a career...with children, or I want to travel...I want to see a new country this year... Make them achievable and then DO IT.

We all have these moments, it comes with responsibilties and growing up I guess. Youre not alone.

Barneysmom

Being gay is no big deal you know so don't think you're anything special because of it. xxx

Now you make a good life for yourself, never mind anybody else, you only get one shot so go for it!

angelfairy

hi mrme,

not sure i can add anything productive to the great advice that you have already been given, but i just wanted to say a few things.

i can relate to a few things that you mention. one thing, you said you need to chat with your parents about where you are at. of course, if you can sit down and open up to them brilliant, but if not, and you are wondering how to go about it, what about printing out your post (even the replies) and take it from there.

i also agree with seeing your GP about your depression before going off on your travels. i understand not wanting to take anti depressents, i felt the same, but if they help you, isn't that worth it? you dont have to be on them forever, but if it is helping you through at this present time, then perhaps its worth a chat with your GP?

in terms of not wanting to go travelling alone, is volunteering with a charity organisation something that appeals to you? i am not sure how it all works, but it would be a great way to meet people, get some great experience (that would look super on a future CV) and add to your self worth.

take care

vixarooni

I feel for you, i thought being a teenager was hard but actually early 20's is hard too in a different way. Perhaps you have grown up too quickly and you need to let yourself go and have freedom. Go and meet people, have fun and break your routine. Youre 21, not 41 with no commitments, live life that way while you still have the chance!