Memorygirls - Make Do and Mend

RubySewSew

Blimey o'flipping riley. Not a lot I can add to this thread other than to say that this man's behaviour is completely unacceptable and I would be deeply concerned about what he is capable of and getting away with in private if this is how he behaves in public. I think it is a credit to you that you should rationalise and reflect on how to minimise the impact of this man's behaviour when it was his choice to behave in this way and clearly of no regard to him. I would also argue that it isn't your responsibility to protect anyone other than yourself. I'm sure you know that when men hit women it is never an isolated incident.

What a horrible position for you to be put in, I'm so sorry for you. And apologies if I come across as a little abrupt but I am genuinely shocked and appalled by this man! I wonder if you would tolerate it if you didn't live in such a small community? I'm playing devil's advocate slightly but I wonder if you would feel the same if there was more distance between you and the perpetrator?

I hope the universe has something good in store for you after this!

MrsMoo2U

Memory_Girl wrote: »

Righto - i'm back

Long story short. HTH will not be actively involved in the school from the beginning of term. We both agreed that he needs to take some time out and go and sort out his anger issues. TBH she is mortified at what has happened, but is grateful that I didn't look at it as a single issue but instead as a symptom of something bigger brewing - tbh, another few months and I think he'd be looking at breakdown or worse. Well done on being able to look at the bigger picture and realising that life is not so black and white. I think you may well just have saved this man from himself, and helped to set him on the right course. Thank you for being so understanding.

I feel happy that the immediate issue of his contact with the kids is resolved -but even happier if this is the catlyst for him getting the professional help we feel he now needs. Again I believe this is why you were the one that got in his way at that particular moment. Without your "understanding" he may not have be able to get this help.

Thanks for all of your support over the last couple of days - I think you realise how much of a curve ball this has thrown me. You are so worthy of the support. Thanks to you many of us are finding new paths and new found confidence. I dont mean that to sound in any way condescending as I am very appreciative of you starting this thread and waking me up to my old positivity.

Off to put DS2 to bed - because he hasn't had a nap and is "Sponge bob, grumpy pants" at the moment.

TTFN

Memorygirl

Have a lovely evening with the boys and take a well earned deep breath.
TTFN too.

boredofbeingathome

ClootiesMum wrote: »

Best outcome you coulfd have asked for under the circumstances.....

And can I ask - did she already know, or even suspect something had happened?

Totally agree with this- hope you are ok MG. It must have been difficult.

Memory_Girl

ClootiesMum wrote: »

Best outcome you coulfd have asked for under the circumstances.....

And can I ask - did she already know, or even suspect something had happened?

I think she realised that he is completely stressed out- he has blown his stack verbally a few times this summer, but obvioulsy the physical stuff is the absolute deal-breaker.

i have a feeling this has just forced her to take action rather than wait for something more drastic to happen, for that I am gratefull.

Memorygirl

Memory_Girl

RubySewSew wrote: »

Blimey o'flipping riley. Not a lot I can add to this thread other than to say that this man's behaviour is completely unacceptable and I would be deeply concerned about what he is capable of and getting away with in private if this is how he behaves in public. I think it is a credit to you that you should rationalise and reflect on how to minimise the impact of this man's behaviour when it was his choice to behave in this way and clearly of no regard to him. I would also argue that it isn't your responsibility to protect anyone other than yourself. I'm sure you know that when men hit women it is never an isolated incident.

Yup!!!Had a Dad who wasthe classic pattern - hence the reason i have chosen a different path for my two boys. He has never seen them btw - not a huge falling out cos I've haven't seen him since he was 12, I justhave never contacted him to say he has grandchildren.

What a horrible position for you to be put in, I'm so sorry for you. And apologies if I come across as a little abrupt but I am genuinely shocked and appalled by this man! I wonder if you would tolerate it if you didn't live in such a small community? I'm playing devil's advocate slightly but I wonder if you would feel the same if there was more distance between you and the perpetrator?

I think i would have called the police and be damned - but since i am working to only find the positive's in everything (even violence which is such a biggie for me)i knew there had to a bigger lesson (for me). I could have chosen to get traumatised and angry, and then carried that around with me for along time. This has shown me that I am a survivor and not a victim, now the biggie is how to find it in my heart to truly forgive my father and let that one go. To look back with hinsight and to say that although his violence can never be excused i forgive him for the fact that he was immature, unable to deal with his emotions, spoiled (by his parents)not equipped to be a grown-up and definietely should never have been a father.

I hope the universe has something good in store for you after this!

It has

"£160 thousand pounds, thousand pounds, thousand pounds
£160 thousand pounds - all day long":D:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Memorygirl

PS sorry guys that will bein your head again all day

Memory_Girl

Another 2 pounds closer to my target - now only 84% of my goal left to achieve.:j:j

Looking around the house there is lots that I could do - but im thinking that what would be best is to spend the day concentrating on the boys. This is DS1's last week of holidays,so would be nice to spend some time because this weekis likely to get pretty busy.

Off to fin dout if there's anything in particular he would like to do.

Memorygirl

RubySewSew

I think understanding is halfway to forgiveness. Letting go is another part. Sounds like you're nearly there!

boredofbeingathome

Memory_Girl wrote: »

Another 2 pounds closer to my target - now only 84% of my goal left to achieve.:j:j

Looking around the house there is lots that I could do - but im thinking that what would be best is to spend the day concentrating on the boys. This is DS1's last week of holidays,so would be nice to spend some time because this week is likely to get pretty busy.

Off to find out if there's anything in particular he would like to do.

Memorygirl

Those are the days which count- enjoy them:D Glad you found a solution.

I agree re your dad, i haven't spoken to mine for a very long time, and that's the way i want it. Forgiveness is a hard thing, understanding yes- but forgiveness..well, it takes a better person than me. Maybe in the distant future-probably on my death bed:o

MrsMoo2U

Morning,

MG. Enjoy your day today. You can never sell memories when the going gets tough which means that doing things together rather than showering kids with material things will always mean much more to them. My best memories of my parents are the simple times when we just had really nice days. We never had a lot of money growing up but we had lots of love. Although it took me a long time to realise that.

Memory_Girl

Went out with DS1 on his bike and DS2 in his buggy. Packed us all a lunch and picked up Grandma and Grandad at theirs.

We walked / biked for about 3 hours along a cycle path and through the town park, stopping to play in the parks, paddle in the streams and throw balls for the dog.

DS2 walked so much he must have done the baby equivalent of a 10k today. He has just finished eating some pasta salad and nodding into his plate during "Sean the sheep" - so in a couple of minutes it will definitely be sleepie byes.

DS1 has stayed over at grandmas - grandad is going to take him to a golf range tomorrow and then someof his pals are taking him for his first 9-holes on a Golf course. Bless him, DS1 is so excited that he has labelled today "one of his very best top ten"

............... and you know - apart from some petrol, today cost us absolutely nothing!!!

Did stop off at lidls on the way home (because i had the car) and have stocked up on bread flour so that i don't have to carry it every week. Sheer laziness really - lol

off to put baby to bed and look at what needs to be achieved next week to create a beautiful school for a week monday.

see you later

Memorygirl