Marital/seperation advice.

TallBlondie

Jackie the problem with the money advice link is its appointment only, and i'm not actually in that area yet.

What have i forgot to change benefit wise today? anything? and who do i contact for the council tax help?

jackieglasgow

Not sure, here it's local council and you apply alongside HB if you're claiming it, I would phone whoever you normally pay the bill to and advise them you want to apply for Council Tax Benefit, can they send you the relevant forms? Try the entitled to website too, I used it the other day to see how it is and it's very good. I'm off to bed now, sleep well. You should be really proud of yourself, you sound like a fantastic girl.

JoJoB

I'm not 100% sure on this but the council may start you off in a lower band for the house bidding as most don't register you homeless until you have 28 days to leave your current property.

So first of all they may place you in Band B or C (which would mean it takes longer for you to get a place). So when you hit the 28 days to leave period get in touch with the council and see about getting put in Band A for priority housing due to your homelessness status and dependent child. Hopefully then it won't take too long for you to get something decent.

With a bit of luck you will be put in Band A straight away and you'll have a good couple of months bidding before you have to leave your current place.

jackieglasgow

TallBlondie how are you getting on? Did you get the benefit claims sorted out?
Hope you and the little one are doing OK. X

Britwife

Hi there so sorry that all this is happening to you and your child. Have you spoken to him about handling this when he gets back? I'm just wondering if you both have a good long talk and see what is really going on. If he feels you have drifted apart then see if he wants to try and rekindle what you had. He's got 3 months to see how he feels and if it doesn't work then he has a responsibility to at least let you live at the house until you find suitable housing. There is no reason he has to report being single since technically, he isn't.

I think it's not right to communicate by letter and emails and that makes me wonder if communication or lack of it is part of the reasons behind his letter.

I realize you have a child to think of but if it were me, I would want to make sure this is what we both want and see if counseling will help. Sometimes it just helps to unload on a stranger. I would cease any contact with him about your relationship while he is overseas just to give him time to think and stop using email to communicate, pick up the phone when you talk to him. My mom lives in the states and I speak to her by webcam twice a week.

I really hope you guys can work this out and if not then you know what you need to do.

Many hugs hun

TallBlondie

Quite a bit has happened since the last update...
I've sorted all the benefit side of things out, and am now waiting to be accepted on the council bidding list to find a home. I have also got my name down on many estate agents for the private rent side of things.

The relationship side of things have changed... basically i got his work involved and his boss demanded that he rang me and gave me some communication which he did. To sum what he is saying up is basically this...

lost the spark
were like best mates
if no child was involved he would of just said bye
we !!!!!
never see each other (not even lived together since 2008)
loves me as a person but not in love with me.

All of this i said i felt could be changed if we lived together again (his work can make this happen) and we build on things to make it better, start afresh if ya like. As long as nobody else is involved and he replied saying no.

Next day, he calls....saying same as above, i asked again if anybody else was involved and he said he had been on a date! (disaster time for me!) Basically met a girl in a club, a single mother and got her number. The next week he came home here for 2 weeks, then when hes gone back they have arranged to meet for a drink. He didnt say he was married and he didnt say he had a child, even though they spoke about her child!! Didn't do any sexual stuff, but they did snog!! (heartbreaking time again!)

So at the moment, i now have no contact at all for 24 days, its impossible for where he is and ive basically told him to think about whethere he wants to come home and try things or if he wants to live seperate and blow the marriage. Weve never split before, so i feel its all just a shame.

Oh balls, life is crap!

jackieglasgow

Never mind what he wants!!!! What do you want? The next 24 days will be a revelationary time for you. Rediscover yourself, do not sit around waiting for him to want you, live your life, lose weight, get your hair done, whatever will physically make you feel better, and think about what you want from life in the next two, four, six years. Do not include him or any other man in these thoughts, think only about yourself and your child and where you want to be. Do you want to work, study, retrain, start a business? Make plans for yourself, then maybe the decision about where to go with the relationship will make itself. Look for counselling, I always think it's a good idea for couples, whether splitting or not, if the relationship is in trouble as it can also ease the transition into life as a single person. Life isn't crap, it's what you make it, and this man may have just given you the biggest opportunity of your life, you owe it to yourself and your child to grab it with both hands!!

Good luck, and keep in touch, there are plenty people here rooting for you. X

Britwife

I'm confused, you're married to each other but not living together since 2008? and hardly see each other. A marriage isn't meant to work like that. I'm assuming that you guys have had troubles in the past since one of you moved out.

So thinking about the above, it seems he has moved on and I have a feeling that they slept together. Seems odd to just blurt all that out.

I'm glad you're getting your housing sorted.

TallBlondie

I understand a marriage isnt suppose to work like that, but unfortunatly due to wars in Afghan etc etc, my husband is forever away.
We have never had troubles before, never. Never split or anything in 7 years. I do believe our problems are down to not seeing each other as often as the "normal" married couple, and if they have slept together, which i don't think they have, then there is no alternative but for me to remove his testicles whilst hes sleeping.

Wol2

Very sorry to hear about your situation - you are doing wonderfully. It does concern me however that you seem to be doing a lot of this on your own. Just googled and found the following advice on Yahoo answers from a British army wife. It might be worth contacting the organistions highlighted in bold below..(or the equivalents if it's US based or another UK forces service such as RN) .. at the very least they should be providing supporting documentation to ensure you don;t fall foul of the "making yourself voluntarily homeless" rules and can also claim the appropriate benefits.....

"If the husband has informed his Command of a separation then there is a three month 'cooling off' period, during which nothing happens regarding the Quarter. If at the end of that period the Soldier informs his Command that he wants a divorce, the wife has 93 days to vacate the Quarter. if she doesn't, she is considered an 'Illegal Occupant' and is charged a standard rent, Sometimes surplus Quarters are occupied in this way for a considerable period of time.

The UWO (Unit Welfare Officer) will help the wife to find accommodation and any benefits to which she is entitled.

There are many organisations to help and people who will visit to help her feel less vulnerable. First port of call should be the AWS (The Army Welfare Service) and the AFF (The Army Families Federation) both organisations will have people who can support, guide and advise her.

With regards to the actual divorce she will need to appoint a civilian Solicitor but again, the AWS and the AFF can help her to deal with that.

I have yet to come across a divorce involving a Soldier where the wife has not been 'treated fairly'. It is understood that she is likely to have had to give up her career to follow her husband and this is reflected in settlements "

I do hope you can move on from this point to happier times. Good luck
xx