The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

SimIsOnTheUp

skintscottishgirl wrote: »

No Sim I am taking the p1ss! ( as you are?? )

And what difference would it make anyway? It's your opinion that counts. Do you think you are mentally sharp?

If so who cares what some chick in a job centre says?

Obviously my opinion counts for a lot though:p

XX

PS really

Don't give her the satisfaction of bringing it up, just repeat that you are looking to get back sooner rather than later until she gets it

Won't take long.....

And you don't want to get into a debate about your mental haziness with her.....

XX

Cheers SSG.

No, I was being straight - like I said - I have zero self - belief!

Like anyone, I have dodgy days, but on the whole, yes I do feel mentally pretty sharp :cool:

Maybe I need to Let It Go

I don't really want a debate with her.. Just wish I'd said something straight away, yesterday!

Sim x

skintscottishgirl

brokepaolo wrote: »

Cheers SSG and sorry folks for the rant, I was just feeling very irate about it all last night.

I learned long ago that my father, due to his depression, is obviously unable to consider anyone's emotions or problems other than his own. I don't mean that in a nasty way, anyone who has experience of depression or relatives with depression will confirm this, their condition leads them to be incredibly selfish and often very insensitive, not to mention forgetful, incoherent and of course generally emoionally unstable.

I'm usually very good at keeping that knowledge at the back of my mind whenever speaking to my father, biting my tongue before lashing out because I know it's his condition speaking, not him, but last night I flipped, I let my guard slip and forgot about all that and I do feel a bit bad about it today.

But on the other hand, this has gone on too long now. For the last 8 or 9 months I have had to pretend that I'm doing fine with money just so as not to upset him but the truth is the complete opposite, I'm in a mess when it comes to money. Yes, I'm doing something about it slowly but surely and I'm on the right path towards getting it sorted but it will take some more time and it's quite stressful so if I occasionally let slip what is actually happening to me, the last thing I need is for my own father to tell me he doesn;t want to talk about it, or if he does want to talk about it all he wants to say is that I shouldn't have got myself in that position in the first place. It's just no help at all.

Anyway, I'm going to let it lie for a bit, I'm going to do all that I can to ensure that this issue never need rear its ugly head again when in conversation with my father. I'm sure he wants the best for me and that he's worried about my situation but I'm going to get through this on my own and remind myself never to mention my financial difficulties to him because it upsets him.

Once I'm out of this situation, it will be amazing to tell my dad that I'm free of this almighty weight on my shoulders and I can start living a normal life and who knows, maybe even start building a relationship with my dad which so far has always had the barrier of his condition combined with my money trobules standing between it.

Sadly, he will always have his condition but hopefully, I won't always have money troubles and that's the best I can do towards breaking down the barrier.

Good plan BP,

I always never tell my Dad any problems, unless i have solved them myself and want to talk about it that way, as he will probably never lose the notion that i will always be his little girl ( evn though i'm 39, and my colleague is 54 and her dad is the same so it's never ending! ) and he wants to solve my problems, or shout at me by nature. It's likely similar for you although you are a guy, you're still his child at the end of the day....

So the best is sometimes just to keep schtum.

I just feel he's spent enough time worrying about me and my shenanigans and needs a break! And i need a break from his response.

miss_saveapenny

Been reading this for ages and finally realised enough is enough. Sick of feeling out of control, crap in the morning, being embarrasing and talking s--t. Waking up and trying to piece together the night before. Used to hate drink as my father was a very nasty drunk and made my childhood crap. But as I got older used to have the odd one which made me feel confident and happy, now I can't stop till I have drunk all the beers in the house.
Desperate for tea time to come so I can have one. Always knew I had that addictive gene!!!! used to tell hubby I was frightened of it and he used to say just drink in moderation....he didn't understand. But last week he called me a p***head and said he is worried now. argued it away..... Then out at bbq on sunday and could not wait to start drinking even though I was rough from night before, anyway got half drunk but had the most horrendus nights sleep, panicky, wired you know how it is. Next day thought this is beyond a joke sort yourself out and so I have decided sobriety for me it,s the only way!!!!
Not had a drink since sunday and feel bloody fantastic, sleeping better, not munchin when I've been drinking on an evening, forgot how long the days were feel in control it's great.
Tried before obviously, but this time I feel different! managed to quit the ciggies about 6 years a go and I don't crave them anymore so lets hope I can beat this.
I've got a big bbq on sunday and they will all be wondering why I am not drinkin as I am usually the entertainment, but I'm adamant NO WAY x
Good luck everyone keep strong x

skintscottishgirl

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Cheers SSG.

No, I was being straight - like I said - I have zero self - belief!

Like anyone, I have dodgy days, but on the whole, yes I do feel mentally pretty sharp :cool:

Maybe I need to Let It Go

I don't really want a debate with her.. Just wish I'd said something straight away, yesterday!

Sim x

No I meant i hope you are taking the p1ss when you say you think i am being serious! ( When i am taking the p1ss! )

I have great belief in your capabilities Sim, and your ability to move on from things, and i am sure i am not alone, so if you start losing faith in yourself, just remember that one.

But it has to come from you.

Don't beat yoursaelf up.

Think positive.

They soud like cliches, but things become cliches as they are said so much.

Because they are true.

Keep practising and you will get there.

XX

SimIsOnTheUp

graemecarter wrote: »

Nope - just turn up and be yourself; mentally sharp.

I know I get judged on my actions, not my thinking. If I am mentally sharp, then that is more effective than me telling people I am mentally sharp.

You have no control over other people, and what they do or think about you. It has taken me years to realise this. I feel I was born with a layer of skin missing, so everything used to hurt me. Sobriety has helped me grow a thicker layer of skin, but there is still one very sensitive person inside of me. The key is that I don't drink on it today

Graeme - Thank You for helping me immensely, with this, and to see it more clearly.

I was very upset about it all yesterday, and this morning, and now I'm trying to approach it from a more positive, logical, mentally healthy angle.

Kind regards,

Sim.

skintscottishgirl

miss_saveapenny wrote: »

Been reading this for ages and finally realised enough is enough. Sick of feeling out of control, crap in the morning, being embarrasing and talking s--t. Waking up and trying to piece together the night before. Used to hate drink as my father was a very nasty drunk and made my childhood crap. But as I got older used to have the odd one which made me feel confident and happy, now I can't stop till I have drunk all the beers in the house.
Desperate for tea time to come so I can have one. Always knew I had that addictive gene!!!! used to tell hubby I was frightened of it and he used to say just drink in moderation....he didn't understand. But last week he called me a p***head and said he is worried now. argued it away..... Then out at bbq on sunday and could not wait to start drinking even though I was rough from night before, anyway got half drunk but had the most horrendus nights sleep, panicky, wired you know how it is. Next day thought this is beyond a joke sort yourself out and so I have decided sobriety for me it,s the only way!!!!
Not had a drink since sunday and feel bloody fantastic, sleeping better, not munchin when I've been drinking on an evening, forgot how long the days were feel in control it's great.
Tried before obviously, but this time I feel different! managed to quit the ciggies about 6 years a go and I don't crave them anymore so lets hope I can beat this.
I've got a big bbq on sunday and they will all be wondering why I am not drinkin as I am usually the entertainment, but I'm adamant NO WAY x
Good luck everyone keep strong x

Hi Miss S!

I can relate to so much of what you say in your post, it's so carp feeling like that all the time.

My problem is living on my own and feeling very lonely and bored at times, i hit the bottle when i left home and i went from there.

I just want to stop drinking in the flat alone and i have done this.

I still would like to think i can go out and drink socially, but i will have to plan to not overdo it.

However i will cross that bridge when i come to it, as nothing social planned at the moment! Am so boring it's all work work work!

I feel great right now ( albeit a bit knackered ) since stopping drinking in the flat, and will certainly keep it up.

Well done on kicking the cigs, i would not even think of that at this moment in time!

Good Luck and keep posting!!

XX

cardboard_chewer

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Good Morning all.

She replied "You're lying?" sort of half joking, with a raised eyebrow..

go back into part time work asap..
At this, she said "The last thing you need to do right now, is to be working in a job. Well, maybe in a year or so, but not now."

She then said "Well Sim, physically you are yes, but mentally, you're still a little bit hazy I think aren't you"

She said "I did explain this to you a few sessions back, but you might not have taken it in, as it might've gone over your head at the time" (she hadn't).. How patronising is that?!

Sounds like nothing has changed at DWP. I was signing on for a while a few years ago and each time I signed on it was a different person at the Job Centre dealing with me. I noticed Job Centre employees fall into 2 categories, one group enjoys looking down their noses at people out of work and the other group enjoys patronising people out of work. The way I used to deal with it is thinking of their emotions and attitudes just bouncing off me or flowing over me so they didn’t have any effect on me. Like graemecarter says, we have no control over these people but we do have control over areas of our life such as going for that job to prove these people wrong.

brokepaolo

Oof..

I have at last had a meeting with someone at the CAB to discuss what to do about my debts. She was very helpful and has referred me for a further appointment next friday with an advisor to discuss matters further. She suggested that perhaps a DRO would be my best option seeing as my debts aren't all that big and because bankruptcy is always a very last resort for all issues with debt.

I feel relieved because at last I got to speak to someone face to face, I've had it up to here with filling out forms, reading infinite amounts of information written in legal English on various websites and generally not knowing what I qualify for for or don't.

I'm still confused though because from what I've read, when applying for a DRO, I would only qualify if after my priority expenses(rent, bills, taxes, living expenses etc..) my disposable income is beneath £50. well, I really don't see how I could get to that figure judging by the guidelines I've seen on various debt advisory services' websites. It would mean that even if my rent was £500, my bills £100 and my living expenses £400 each month, I would still have upwards of £200 disposable income and therefore would not qualify.

My problem isn't about what I could afford if I don't factor in the minimum payments I owe my creditors. my problem is that even if I were to use the £200 disposable income to pay equal amounts to my creditors, it would still take me many years to clear the debt and I'm pretty certain that I would still endure the constant hassle from my creditors urging me to pay them back in full using their intimidatory tactics.

I simply cannot take it any longer, I may be living in dreamland but I just want it to stop for once and for all. I don't give a monkeys about the stigma of being bankrupt, I'll have it tattooed on my forehead if it means an end to this constant nightmare. My credit score is undoubtedly already damaged beyind repair so what difference will it make if I agree to start clearing my debts via a long drawn out process which could last up to 10 years or more?

I'm really running out of energy for this whole thing, my confidence is at an all time low and I'm finding it hard to concentrate on work. I'm tired of keeping this horrible secret, it's exhausting and emotionally draining to have to pretend to all and sundrie that nothing's wrong only to then have to steer clear of anything which involves spending money like a normal debt free person can.

'so, you going on holiday this year, Paul?'

'coming to such and such's birthday meal on friday night Paul?'

'shall we book tickets for this, Paul?'

'I've seen a really nice sofa which would be perfect for you Paul, if you get a new place soon and it's unfurnished'


these are the sort of day to day questions I fear and dread with the paranoia of being diagnosed with an incurable disease. I feel like an alien to so-called normal life and it's going to destroy me eventually.

I'm giving myself until next friday before I explode. I know that my appointment on friday won't be the end of matters, far from it, but right now I am depending on it so much to finally quieten down the war of confusion going on in my head. I'm half tempted to take next week off work just to focus entirely on obtaining letters and emails from my creditors, filling out all the forms I can find which can shed light on my situation and generally taking stock of what I need to do to make sure that i am equipped to the best of my abilities for Friday's appointment so that a solution can be found and the first steps taken towards putting it into action as soon as effing possible.

graemecarter

Someone on another thread posted this
http://www.ias.org.uk/resources/factsheets/problemdrinking.pdf

One of the passages: Criteria of Alcohol Dependence
Three or more of the following have been experienced exhibited at sometime during
the previous year:
(a) Evidence of tolerance, such that increased dosages are required in order to
achieve effects originally produced by lower dosages. Yes for me
(b) A physiological withdrawal state when substance use has ceased or been reduced
as evidenced by: characteristic substance withdrawal syndrome, or use of the
same (or a closely related) substance with the intention of relieving or avoiding
withdrawal symptoms. Well, I would get worse panic attacks when hungover....
(c) Difficulties in controlling substance-taking behaviour in terms of its onset,
termination, or levels of use Levels of use - I found it impossible to moderate when I started
(d) Progressive neglect of alternative pleasures or interests because of substance
use, increased amount of time necessary to obtain or take the substance or to
recover from its effects. Yes, other things I enjoyed fell by the wayside
(e) Persisting with substance use despite clear evidence of overtly harmful
consequences, such as harm to the liver through excessive drinking, depressive
mood states consequent to heavy substance use, or drug-related impairment of
cognitive functioning. Poor decision making, and depressed moods

I never thought I was alcohol dependent until I stopped drinking

DEBTMONKEY1A

Hi mate! Post on the http://www.debtquestions.co.uk/forum/index.php site-Simon helped me & was a lifesaver! Ask his advice if a DRO or Bankruptcy (bear in mind the fees on this are a few hundred quid...!)is best...list out your outgoings/income etc & ask him for the guideline maximum figures (some are higher I think than the link i sent!).

He is a qualified insolvency practitioner & the advice is FREE. Hope you don't mind me asking....are there any ahem....debts you've left behind?? Only reason I ask is that on a DRO any debt NOT listed is not included. On bankruptcy EVERYTHING prior to you going BR is written off-even if you've forgotten about it/not put it on the form. It's like a line in the sand. Remember that ON PAPER if you can get your income below £100 a month you pay nothing & if its over £100 you pay 1/2 of this for 3 years (best to keep it under the £100 as one you're discharged you can earn what you want!).

Did i remember you were thinking of learning to drive/ Again-ask Simon if this would be allowed. Don't forget to thank him on the site -most people don't!!!

Also worth checking with CCCS...they're free & great but check it with Simon 1st off. I was convinced I'd go to jail-no tax paid for 10 years (or ni-was depressed at time)...but bankruptcy was the best thing I ever did!!

The CAB are fab-but remember they are time limited & volunteers (usually)-not knocking them but do check out the other links...keep us posted!