The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

barshamhillbilly

jo1972 wrote: »

I love girrafes

Africa Alive ....... That's all I'm saying

Marru

Wouldn't mind giraffe either very kissable me thinks...

I have been so naughty, I ordered new shoes (ok they were half price) and then I went and ordered pizza tonight. That is sooo not MSE nor good for somebody forced being stationary and hoping not to put back on weight that one has lost. It was rather delicious too (BBQ sauce, meatballs, ground beef, pepperoni and sausages, I did change the bacon to mushrooms thou )

Oh talking about kissable animals, I just happened to have conversation with my boss this morning about the animals that I have kissed the list is: dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs and rats so you can see that I have stuck with furry mammals :rotfl:

brokepaolo

Evening.

grrr..

I've just had an infuriating and entirely futile conversation with my father. I called him myself and did my best to avoid talking about money but he kept on bringing the subject up about how he felt terrible for wasting all that money on repairing his car and then having another dent in it that needed fixing every month, and how he felt bad for being so reckless with money and giving all that money to my sister for her to buy her flat and not doing the same for me.

I reminded him that he was only feeling this way because of his current bout of depression and that of course he should limit driving in his big car when he's feeling like this because he can't drive properly. I told him that I couldn't care less about him helping my sister buy her flat and not doing the same for me because I blatantly can't afford a flat anyway, regardless of how much money he could give me, I wouldn't even be able to get a mortgage.

I tried to turn the conversation towards the football and we spoke about that for a bit but before long it was back to money and he asked me if my finances were ok. I told him quite abruptly that no, they weren't and that the only viab le option left open to me was to declare myself bankrupt. he sounded surprised and asked me why, so I knew there and then that due to his depression, he was completely unable to remember about my situation, even though he had advised me himself a couple of months ago to declare myself bankrupt because hwas reluctant to help me financially, he even offered to pay the court fees for me at the time.

Of course, he'd forgotten that as well so started asking me why on earth did I need to go bankrupt and how would I manage thereafter. I got a little frustrated and reminded him that it was his own advice that I was following and explained that I had sought advice elsewhere on how to manage it. again, he seemed surprised, I was banging my head against a brick wall basically. I told him not to worry and that I'd be fine and when it got nearer the time of actually going to court to declare myself bankrupt, I would let him know and I would greatly appreciate his offer of paying the fees if I needed help with them.

he somewhat predictably replied that he was reluctant to help me with the paying the fees, so I told him that I expected that so I would seek help elsewhere. he asked me again why had I got myself into so much debt and explained he didn't want to help me because I had to learn my lesson and at that point I lost my temper and told him that he wasn't being helpful at all and that I'd appreciate a little support or at least sensitivity over the issue rather than a castigating finger-wagging, I told him that I didn't go to prisons and tell prisoners they'd been naughty boys and were getting what they deserved and that I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

He told me to look after myself and to call me some other time because he was getting upset, so we left it at that.

I'm torn between being infuriated by the phone call and being genuinely saddened.

Infuriated because I tried to have a normal conversation without mentioning money but when asked about it, I answered honestly and now he's upset? how the hell do I feel about this? actually, scrap that, who cares how I feel about it? I got myself into this mess so it's only right that I should feel bad about it. and boy, don't I just know it? I should be grateful for being reminded by my own father how far up sh*t creek I really am, cheers dad!

but I'm also saddened because I know it's his disease making him this way and if anything I really should have tried harder not to mention my situation because he always takes it personally and creates a worry for himself out of something which is nothing to do with him. I should have lied and told him I was fine and that there was nothing to worry about.only that way would he have not been so surprised and confused by a situation which is probably dormant in the back of his mind but has now been rudely awakened by me when it should have been let lie.

then again, while I can accept my dad's entirely justified reluctance to help me out financially, it's upsetting that he seems unwilling to even hear how the situation is affecting me. sure he asked me how it was going but as soon as I started telling him how my life is being ruined by this situation, about how I get 15 phone calls a day from creditors, about how I have to keep this secret from everyone out of shame and guilt, about how I feel when I go to the flat he bought my sister when I live in cramped shared house with people I barely speak to...well, he tells me to give him a call some other time because he's too upset to talk to me about it.

I feel as though I've been emotionally disowned, something far worse than being told to hop it when asking for a loan, that I can take. This really hurt.

graemecarter

peedie wrote: »

More than anything else, I have found that focusing on the positives, the changes for the better rather than the negatives what I'm not doing is helping me to make this move away from my own self destruct button.

Good post.

Alcohol is a depressant - it certainly made things depressed for me.
But I kept drinking in the knowledge that it wasn't good for me, and made me depressed!!
That's the madness of addiction - we take more of the thing that is destroying us to make us better!! It's nonsense and irrational.

Glad you're feeling well. Keep it going.:T
If things are going so well, I can see no reason why would want to drink again.
Be careful though. Alcohol can creep back
There have been people on this thread who have a period of not drinking, and feel great for it. However, they start drinking again (alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful) and things get worse. It's much easier to stay on the wagon than to climb on again.

Wanna_Bee_Free

Checking in to say hello and another one for me today so that's 4 for me please Sparkes

Sim, so sorry to hear about your upsetting conversation with your dad. Don't know what to say, that sounds so painful in so many ways. Hugs, and hope you stay strong at a time when you're upset.

Marru, sorry to hear you have shin splints, I had those when I was about my current weight a few yeaSrs ago and they are more likely if you have a few extra pounds imho. Good shoes can make a big difference or at least they did to me. Plus patience and rest while they fix. Hugs and hope you find alternatives you like, maybe aquafit so you're in water?

115K I know exactly how you feel, I wasn't posting for ages last month as I didn't have any AF days until right at the end. Hope you clamber back on the (damn slippy at times) wagon soon.

I did my daily challenge and stuck to my planned foods apart from parmesan on my pasta and pringles in the evening. Given I'm still sober I am content with that. Tomorrow's daily challenge is body brushing but I don't own one so rather than buy one I will use my exfoliating mitts instead - very dfw.

Hope you all have a good nights sleep.

jo1972

115K wrote: »

I know I don't look or appear like a person that sits in the park drinking meths everyday, but drinking is a serious problem for me.

115k, only a small minority of problem drinkers sit in the park drinking meths, most of them are just like us. I remember when I first started with my last counsellor, she was very good at dragging emotions out of me which I found extremely draining and intially it was quite depressing, after a few sessions I discovered it was like a jigsaw and everything started to slot together and it was quite liberating. Let yourself free xx

barshamhillbilly wrote: »

Africa Alive ....... That's all I'm saying

Already sorted through Tesco reward points, hasn't cost me a thing

Morning all, feeling very sorry for myself today as I pulled the muscles between my ribs yesterday morning and can barely move, feel like a frail old lady (keep yer trap shut Lurky ).

On the plus side, it's my DD2's summer concert today and I am very much looking forward to it

Hope you all have a nice day, looks like we're in for rain down here in London

Oh and HB, no more than an 8 hour day today please

xx

Lurkio

jo1972 wrote: »

Already sorted through Tesco reward points, hasn't cost me a thing

Morning all, feeling very sorry for myself today as I pulled the muscles between my ribs yesterday morning and can barely move, feel like a frail old lady (keep yer trap shut Lurky ).

On the plus side, it's my DD2's summer concert today and I am very much looking forward to it

Hope you all have a nice day, looks like we're in for rain down here in London

Oh and HB, no more than an 8 hour day today please

xx

Must. Resist.


Thanks for the forecast best take me hat

:wave:

jo1972

Don't quote me on it dear Lurks, just looks a bit grim out there

fedupandskint

Keep on running!

July Summer AFD Challenge

Can I ask when you post your scores to make them large, bold and in colour to make it easier to track through the posts

Miss P 31 6
December Baby 10 1
Jo TF 1
YM TF 3
Sparkles 31 7
Marru 31 7
69chick 20 4
maman TF 1
SkintScottishGirl 20 6
NewRoadAhead 10 1
Peedie 30 6
DebtMonkey1A 15 2
Lurkio TF
WannaBeeFree 4
StressedOutSue 25 5
Honeybear TF
treepotato1 3
Budgie TF 1

Key
:starmod: daily score
:j10 days
:T 20 days
:happyhear30 days
:happylovetarget reached

The stars are playing up tonight rather than sparkling away so back to numbers it is

Must dash off to work in a bit

Feels warm today, have a good one everyone

barshamhillbilly

jo1972 wrote: »

Already sorted through Tesco reward points, hasn't cost me a thing

:T OOOOh get you, Mrs Organised! :T