When should children start pre-school?

purplepatch

stardoman wrote:

"Also thanks for the vote of confidence that she will be ok whenever she goes to pre-school. Like you say, even a year and a term is sufficient time to prepare for school. We go to weekly music classes and see friends with kids, go swimming regularly, do drawing/painting/reading etc etc etc so I don't think she's missing out on too much."


She's not missing out on anything. My second child was 4 in October and starts reception next September. I felt under a lot of pressure from friends to sent him to nursery. This pressure started when he was just 9 months old. I got told he was missing out because their children did lots of activities at nursery - well we do lots of activities together too. The pressure became stronger as he got older. I was told that I'd have terrible problems in getting him to nursery because he had rarely been separated from me. TBH, all these comments did make me worry. This was partly due to the frequency of the comments and partly due to the number of people who made them to me. As a SAHP, I didn't have the money to send my child to nursery and on top of that, I was SAHP because I wanted to be with my child. I feel as though I missed out on a lot with my first child as I worked long, full time hours from when he was 8 months until he was 2 years 8 months. I didn't want to miss out on my second child too.

The week of As 3rd birthday, I started to send him to the school nursery for just 1 afternoon a week. Everyone predicted that he would scream his head off and I was very worried. In the event, he ran in without a backward glance and I was left at the door shouting "Bye". My older child who was in nursery from 8 months cried the first few times and had a really bad spell at school in his reception year where he cried every morning when I left and then continued crying periodically throughout the day until hometime. He seems far more insecure than my younger child. So IME, just because you leave your child young does not mean there won't be problems later. And just because you keep your child with you longer doesn't mean you'll have problems in getting them to go to school. Its more complicated than that.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Do whatever feels right for you.

Mandy.

Thanks Mandy. Your reply is very reassuring.

I'm really glad I started this thread as I've had some excellent words of wisdom.

Knew I could rely on MSE people

frizz_head

My girls are June and July birthdays. My eldest went to preschool in the September after she was 3 and really loved it. Settled in well and made lots of friends. She left all her friends that I made from antenatal classes behind as they all went to different schools. At the time, the emphasis was solely on play, and as a first time mum I wasn't concerned that she wasn't interested in learning the alphabet, and didn't realise at 4 she even need to know it.

Then after Easter (before her 5th birthday) she went into reception, and that was when the thunderbolt hit. She was expected to know the alphabet, and struggled with the day to day learning, and as a result started to become quite disruptive in class. This continued all the way through year 1 and she was placed on the Early Literacy Strategy, which focused on those children who were struggling. It then started to dawn on me how hard it was for her as a child born in the summer months, missing out on not having a more gradual approach to schooling. As having only received 1 term in reception, she was placed in Year 1, with children effectively a year older than herself and who had also received 3 terms in reception from having been born in the Autumn. So in effect my daughter was constantly playing a game of catch up.

Year 2 was a turnaround year for her though, with the help of a really supportive teacher, she managed to gain mostly 3's in her SATS, which completely blew us all away, and she has settled well in Year 3 (Juniors). She does struggle with her homework at night, and finds writing and spelling difficult - but we were pleased when at the beginning of the year she was classed as a reading age of 8, so 10 months ahead basically. She has kids in her class with reading ages of 13+, but I have learned to stop comparing - each child has their own talents. She is fascinated by History and talks endlessly about what she has learned, and is a fantastic drawer. I am just so glad that things have turned out positively for her

My youngest, has also just started school full-time, and thankfully the school have since changed their policy and dropped their Easter intake, having realised that 1 term in reception is not enough. So although she is only 4½ and at full-time school she is really enjoying it. She is also very keen to sit down and learn - I think thats what happens with younger siblings - they want to do what the older ones are doing. I also made sure that we practiced the Letterland letters and phonics regularly, having seen how disadvantaged my eldest was. She also started preschool in the September after she was 3, although I felt that she was ready for it much earlier, and became quite difficult and demanding in the time leading up to her starting.

I do feel for children - there seems to be so much emphasis on learning at such a young age. My eldest who's 7½ has 10 mins homework everynight which invariably takes a lot longer - I don't remember getting homework until I was in secondary school.

I have a friend who lives in Australia, and her kids are the same age as mine. Wen I used to explain that my eldest was struggling with her reading at the age of 6, she said her son was not even expected to write his name yet - and was still playing with dinosaurs at school.

jellyhead

i have a friend is the states whose kids are 2 and 3 years older than mine and he was surprised when i said my son had just finished harry potter 3 at age 6. we got talking about what they learn and it seems to be much more relaxed over there, no dictionaries and thesouri (?) at age 5 but they seem to have learned as much as we do by the time they're teens.

like yours mine's a summer birthday and only had 1 term in reception. he struggled in reception but started to do okay in year 1, he's average now. the SENCO reckons summer born children are okay by the time they're 7. after good exam results in years 2 and 3 school now seems to prefer that he struggles and hates it in the top stream instead of doing well and being happy in the bottom stream like before - they say his exam results are too high for him to be in the bottom stream, poor kid. exams are mostly about reading and he's the best reader in his year, that's why his exam results are high, doesn't mean he can do top stream work, poor sausage. anyway, that's my rant over and it's not really on topic lol!!

but yes, they reckon summer born children are okay by the time they're 7. if school wasn't so academic they'd be fine anyhow, i still think they should start a bit later.

i wonder why after a year at preschool your daughter didn't know her alphabet? didn't pre-school teach it? the reception lesson i was in the other day was all about letter sounds, they do a letter each week. it seemed pretty basic, i was actually reassured by being in the lesson. when my son had his one term in reception starting easter everyone else had moved on to more academic work, but everyone starts in spetember now so they have enough time to learn letter sounds etc. when they start reception. i would expect a preschool to teach letter sounds though, and number shapes, counting, colours, shapes etc.

Spendless

Where i am the phrase 'pre-school' doesn't tend to be used.

To me there are Playgroups that they attend from 2 and a half onwards and then Nursery which is the year before Reception.

The playgroups are a couple of times a week, depending on what parent wants and what is available, definately not running 5 times a week. The playgroup that daughter will attend in October runs 4 times a week, but the children will oly be given 2 sessions.
The playgroups son attended definately didn't teach the alphabet.

Most people send their child to a school Nursery, so they go 5 mornings or afternoons a week the September following their 3rd birthday.

Some people send to a private nursery instead, but this tends to be because they are working and/or their school doesn't have a nursery year.

At school nursery son used to get a new letter about every week and a half. He used to fetch home a slip of paper with letter on, how it was pronounced and something to associate with the letter. I think B for example was pretending to bounce a ball.

He is now in Reception and learns his letters and how to write them and also has to practise writing words like cat.is,not etc.

I've never heard of 4 and 5 year olds being expected to use a dictionary!

jellyhead

ah, yes i meant nursery school when i said pre-school. the one they go to when they're 3. ofsted inspected ones have to teach a curriculum that includes letter sounds. some private nurseries also teach the curriculum, my nephew learned the letter sounds etc. at his.

my son's one of the youngest so when i say he was 5 i meant in year 1. he took his SATS at age 6 in year 2. he says the thesaurus was year 2, the dictionary year 1. i still think that's very young, i'm sure i didn't see a thesaurus until i was a teenager lol! in reception year they have 'word cards', a card with lots of words on, they're supposed to use it like a dictionary to help them spell - about as much use as a chocolate teapot to the kids that don't know how to begin to spell, if they don't know their full alphabet or letter sounds. my sons school report for the reception year complained that he couldn't use a word card. he'd only been in school for ten weeks and was starting to read but to be honest he didn't know the full alphabet, still struggled with the letters that are similar shapes like p, d, b etc. and was writing half of his numbers backwards. he wasn't dyslexic, just too young to cope with the bewildering array of number and letter symbols after just ten weeks in reception. he didn't manage the numbers until year 2 actually, still wrote half of them backwards.

he only had the one term in reception though, they only do one intake per year now so everyone gets a year in reception. at the time the school had 2 intakes but the nursery kept my son back a bit and had a special arrangement with the school that they would accept him at easter. i wish he could have stayed back a year, had a year in nursery and a year in reception like other children did but there was just no way he could have gone to nursery before he was 4, he wasn't toilet trained, wasn't talking, didn't listen, couldn't feed himself or drink from a cup, hit anyone who spoke to him or touched him, etc. he was having a lot of help from specialists.

ah well, by the SATS he was okay. he got A's (except for writing, that was level 1) but declined to take the level 3 papers. the kids for level 3 literacy stayed at school while the other kids went swimming, when asked which would he prefer he chose the swimming lol! i don't know if everyone got the choice or if he was asked because he was statemented for special needs (and he wouldn't have passed any of the level 3 papers). once he realised he didn't have to sit any level 3 papers he chose not to. the SATS were mental, parents got so worked up about it and horribly competitive, about 6 year olds for heavens sake. i think year 2 SATS should be abolished, but that's another rant :-)

frizz_head

jellyhead wrote:

i think year 2 SATS should be abolished, but that's another rant :-)

They have been in our school Jelly - my daughter was the last year 2 to take them. Instead the school provide their own internal 'exams' for the children to measure ability.

It infuriated me that they are only in place as a performance measure of the school. I have heard that the Year 6 SATs are often ignored by secondary schools - who prefer to do their own testing of the children.

jellyhead

i'm so glad sats have been abolished in your school :-) i wish they would in mine ... the pressure is already on our year 2 kids, extra lessons and endless practise papers to make sure they know the formula for answering the bleeding things. i remember when i was six half the class couldn't read or write yet never mind answer a 20 page exam paper. my sister didn't read until she was 8 and she was never classed as special needs, they just gave kids more time to develop back then. she reads all the time now, the slow start didn't do her any harm.

anyway, sorry for veering off topic, i was frustrated by my son not being able to do his homework this weekend and got angry at the whole system, national curriculum and all that. i like my sons school but they have so many kids who can't keep up they push those who can to the absolute limit to ensure the sats results don't pull them down the league tables ... grrr!

regarding the original post, it doesn't sound as if your daughter misses out on anything. some kids benefit from early playgroup etc. if their social skills are lacking or if they don't get the opportunity to do a variety of things at home, e.g. some kids go to our nursery never having painted a picture or seen a book. 2 sessions a week in a nursery from the age of 18 months didn't help my son academically, he still knew less than most kids by the end of reception. my nephew's been in an educational private nursery since a year old and although he's the oldest child in reception (he was five when he started) he can't recognise his name or most letter shapes. going to playgroup etc. is good fun for lots of kids though :-)

frizz_head

Thats reassuring to hear about your sister Jelly, as I do worry about my eldest who will be 8 in July. She wouldn't be able to read Harry Potter yet by herself, but I do know that she will get there in her own time, and what is important is that she is happy at school. Her strengths lie in other areas - as I know she is very creative.

I think the thing to remember here, is that they grow up so quickly. Its seems like only yesterday I was lugging my eldest around in her car seat, and now I'm worrying about her reading/writing. Only you and your daughter Purplepatch will know when the right time for preschool is. A lot of growing (mentally and physically) takes place between the age of 2 and 3. They become toilet trained, and start to develop a greater independence (hence the terrible twos) and from my experience, mine started to get bored with me, and needed the routine of preschool.

Savvy_Sue

jellyhead wrote:

i have a friend is the states whose kids are 2 and 3 years older than mine and he was surprised when i said my son had just finished harry potter 3 at age 6.

Crikey, and I thought mine were precocious! Harry Potter at age 6? ??? Mind you HP wasn't out when mine were that young ... I do think they're getting darker and darker as stories, not sure I would want a 6 year old reading the last two ...

The eldest read all the Narnia books when he was 9. Middle thought "Anything he can do, I can do", so read them at 7. Eldest went on to Lord of the Rings, middle one followed. As his teacher said when he started a new school in year 5 "I haven't had many 9 year olds say that their favourite book is Lord of the Rings ..." but at least she knew what she was up against.

Youngest has been held back by the fact that we got access to tv when he was 7: we hadn't had one before that. Reading is more like hard work compared to tv, so he isn't the avid reader his brothers are. Keeps it for when the alternative is even more boring, ie going to sleep ...

jellyhead wrote:

i wonder why after a year at preschool your daughter didn't know her alphabet? didn't pre-school teach it? the reception lesson i was in the other day was all about letter sounds, they do a letter each week. it seemed pretty basic, i was actually reassured by being in the lesson. when my son had his one term in reception starting easter everyone else had moved on to more academic work, but everyone starts in spetember now so they have enough time to learn letter sounds etc. when they start reception. i would expect a preschool to teach letter sounds though, and number shapes, counting, colours, shapes etc.

Of course, whenever they start learning, it does depend on the teacher ... I was helping with reading in a year 1 class, and did not have the poorest group of readers but an 'average' group. I did ask their teacher if I was right to be surprised that after a year in Reception they still did not know their letter sounds ...

Oh, and my middle one taught himself to read off the cereal packets on the breakfast table. When I realised what he'd done I felt a bit guilty for not having taken more interest in his development and encouraged him more, but I plead PND and a new baby ...

Tran

jellyhead wrote:

sorry, forgot to add they have to be out of nappies to go to some nurseries. some children are still in nappies at 3, again it all depends on your child :-)

i was informed by my health visitor that if the nursery insists that the child is out of nappies then this is discrimination. She told me of several cases locally where this case of discrimination was pursued.. apparently.

This was a concern of mine as my eldest was still in nappies when i wanted him to start pre-school. When i asked the pre-school about it they said it was fine for him to still be in nappies - but preferably pull-ups.