Splitting up - Help

Littlemadam83

Couldnt read this and not post. You are being amazingly strong, and as hard as it is the people on here are right, you are much better than him, and in no way deserve to be near this person.

Carry on being strong, and a whole new life of happiness and certainty will come your way soon.

He on the other hand will be miserable and never happy, not knowing what he wants.

Cant wait to hear about your girly nights out with your new friends xxx

[Deleted User]

and silently say thank u lololol.

Try and remember that u have the upper hand in this, morally and financially.

HE is the one who has to behave and make it as civilised as possible to get what he thinks he wants i.e. the house sold and moving 'on'. U can be awkward and make selling the house difficult, get a lodger and still make ends meet. Use this to demand, not ask for a certain code of behaviour from him and discreteness. I agree, its hardly likely this man and his 'friend' have been platonic friends all this time. I don't envy u and think u are being wonderfully strong. Your emotions will see saw for a while but eventually u will see this man for what he is even in your heart I promise u (having been in a similiar situation). Try and think of this as not the end of something but the start of something new and rewarding even if u don't know what it is right now. It will be a lot better than u've known, given his behaviour (this kind of behaviour doesn't just jump out of nowhere, it was in him all the time and its better out now than after u've married and been with him 20 years etc).

foxy-roxy

You sound like you have your head screwed on and you are being really sensible.
I know in the past when I split with a partner I took it really bad and did some stupid things but have learnt from it and will never show a man my weaker side again. (in that situation anyway).

Good Luck hun and I hope you get a quick sale adn get out there and have fun, I bet your ex won't know whats hit him:beer:

Chinkle

I think his "friend" may have been more so, even before you knew, but moving on from that ...

He was the one who wanted out, he can't expect you to switch off your feelings like a tap after 3 years together

He is the one who wants out, so if he can't at least be civil to you in the meantime he should move out

I think you have been amazingly together and agreeable but you need to put your foot down. So he has to speak to you about things you are jointly responsible for and he should conduct his new relationship away from the house and discretely.

In this market it could be a long time before the house is sold and in the meantime he needs to show some respect for you and regard for your feelings. Find time to sit him down, put the emotional aspects to one side and work out some practicals so you can keep your sanity while this works itself out.

*Louise*

Pinkfairywings - CONGRATULATIONS.....on the lucky escape!!

You may not feel it now, and it's going to hurt like hell for a while, but one day soon you will look back on this moment and sigh with relief.

He is a creep of the highest order and you sound like a sensible, controlled woman who deserves so much better.

Good luck with getting out and about - the more you are out enjoying yourself the less you will be around the house having to put up with seeing him move on.

Also agree with the others that if he can't be civil and doesn;t stop flaunting his new piece, then he shoudl move out until the house is sold.

xxxxx

PS - I hope you have stopped doing his washing and shopping!!!

PPS - Get yourself a new best friend, he isn't worthy of the title (although I can see how maintaining a friendship would mightily pee off his new g/f *whistles*)

Gavin83

deannatrois wrote: »

Try and remember that u have the upper hand in this, morally and financially.

Not really though. The house belongs to both of them and unless one of them moves out, they'll be no room for a lodger, etc and she really gains nothing by holding out on the sale. In fact, she'll probably lose out as she can't afford anywhere else and she clearly doesn't want to continue living with him.

I got the impression from the first post that he's conducting himself away from the house with this woman so I can't really see what else he can do. I really don't think he's done anything wrong, he's ended a relationship that clearly wasn't working for him any longer and moved on. He doesn't really need to be 'in a mood' but he's not exactly going to be acting as before after a breakup.

OP, good luck with your future and I hope you are able to move on shortly.

euronorris

Pinkfairywings wrote: »

I cant really move out as I have no where to go and cant afford the rent and mortgage. I am going to try and get him to talk tonight and ask if he can move out because its just too hard seeing him moving on. No matter how hard being on my own is I know I have to move on and seeing him/being his friend doesnt seem an option

Have you explained the current situation to your work and asked if they can help out with a small loan in the short term? Just enough to get you into a rented place so you have your own space?

You may find that your work will be willing and able to help you here. And there's no harm in asking. At the very least, it will make them aware that you are under pressure at home at the moment and they should (hopefully) provide a little support and understanding.

AlwaysWorking

euronorris wrote: »

You may find that your work will be willing and able to help you here. And there's no harm in asking. At the very least, it will make them aware that you are under pressure at home at the moment and they should (hopefully) provide a little support and understanding.

I would actually think very carefully before you let your boss know. It depends of course on the type of relationship you have with them, but I am in a similar position to you OP, in that my fiance left me eight weeks ago and has been on dates with women since. I innocently told my boss when she asked about him and now she watches me like a hawk, convinced my emotional state is affecting my work (it honestly isn't). I now realise that sometimes employers should only see our professional side....:o

Perhaps I'm completely wrong and you have the type of friendly supportive work environment I dream of. I hope you do!

euronorris

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I would actually think very carefully before you let your boss know. It depends of course on the type of relationship you have with them, but I am in a similar position to you OP, in that my fiance left me eight weeks ago and has been on dates with women since. I innocently told my boss when she asked about him and now she watches me like a hawk, convinced my emotional state is affecting my work (it honestly isn't). I now realise that sometimes employers should only see our professional side....:o

Perhaps I'm completely wrong and you have the type of friendly supportive work environment I dream of. I hope you do!

That's a fair point.

I'm sorry, I hadn't thought of that as my boss isn't like that. Sorry to hear that yours isn't being so supportive. She should be. Perhaps you should talk to her about it and let her know that whilst you appreciate her concern, you're not letting it effect your work, so she doesn't need to worry about you.

OP - only you know whether speaking to your boss is a good idea or not. So have a think about it and then decide.

kazwookie

I would have packed his bags by now, and dumped them on his 'friends' door step, by now!