Am I being cruel?

mossstar

I find it really shocking sometimes, the amount of people I know who find it really, really difficult to say 'no' to a child! I have one friend who literally cannot say no or discipline her 5 year old boy - i feel so sad for her, it obviously comes from a lack of confidence in herself, her parenting, her own satus as a mother. Children NEED to hear 'no', they NEED boundaries to feel safe and secure.

I also think that we sometimes impose an adult's understanding on to children - i'm not sure that my children (2.5 & 5) would necessarily understand that a bag of soldiers and a remote control car are on different levels, cost wise. I think that they'd just see them as two different toys... so to explain that we can afford one and not the other would be fine - they'd just say 'well i'll have the one we can afford then'.

i ALSO think that a lump of coal has more value than a gold-plated toy if they parent takes the TIME to actually play with that lump-of-coal & their child themselves! Spending money and then expecting a child to just get on with it themselves is 'easy'... putting the time and effort in to enjoy your child and play with them yourself takes work. But everyone knows, deep down, which has the more value...

Well done - keep it up! I also agree that the 'disapproving looks' he was getting were possibly just astonishment - after all - who says 'no' to a child? (i'm sorry, but I have a real problem with this 'everything for the kids' 'the kids come first' type attitude that we seem to have slipped in to - i think kids need BALANCE. But this is because my dp is a teacher and we're constantly gobsmacked by the 'how dare you tell little johnney off for telling you to f off you bad nasty teacher, little johnney has the RIGHT to throw a chair at you it's all your fault teacher's these days don't do anything i'm going to sue you' type attitude from so many parents) [ / rant]

calleyw

:T

Well done. About time more parents where like you. No wonder society in general has turned in to a I want now, I don't want to wait for it. I can't save up for it. Plonk it on the old credit card.

It is so refreshing to hear a parent who says no. I see it everytime I go shopping. Children are telling their parents what want. And don't get me started on childrens food in the supermarket and parents falling for it. Some parents seem to forget they are the parents.

I think also a lot stems from the I work all week and don't spend time with the children and so lets buy them things. Umm no spend the time reading a story or playing with your child rather than going out shopping.

I am only 34 and we knew better then to ask for anything when we went out shopping. And for christmas we would write list of things we would like. 9 times out of 10 never got anything on the list. But we did not mind.

All the best. Hope you bring up a nice little money saver.


Yours


Calley

Let_Robinson_Sing

mossstar wrote:

Well done - keep it up! I also agree that the 'disapproving looks' he was getting were possibly just astonishment - after all - who says 'no' to a child? (i'm sorry, but I have a real problem with this 'everything for the kids' 'the kids come first' type attitude that we seem to have slipped in to - i think kids need BALANCE. But this is because my dp is a teacher and we're constantly gobsmacked by the 'how dare you tell little johnney off for telling you to f off you bad nasty teacher, little johnney has the RIGHT to throw a chair at you it's all your fault teacher's these days don't do anything i'm going to sue you' type attitude from so many parents) [ / rant]

I totally agree here, I hate the cocky little Effers in high school that made teachers lives misery. I only finished school a few years ago and children are so blooming cheeky its unbeleivable. i didnt come from a 'bad' school but there were a few close incidents were pupils nearly hit teachers. Children take the education system for granted !!!!!! THEY ARE GETTING FREE EDUCATION. THEY ARE LEARNING ICT SKILLS MATHS, ENGLISH, SCIENCE i could go on. I bet Children in under priviged countries would love to sink their teeth into a nice GCSE maths course and lets see these troublesome English kids dodge starvation and poverty in third world countries. I beleive people over here take a lot for granted (NHS, benefit system, education)
[/rant]

Let_Robinson_Sing

calleyw wrote:

I think also a lot stems from the I work all week and don't spend time with the children and so lets buy them things. Umm no spend the time reading a story or playing with your child rather than going out shopping.

a healthy board game never goes amiss. scrabble or monopoly!

calleyw

Let_Robinson_Sing wrote:

a healthy board game never goes amiss. scrabble or monopoly!

Until you fight and squabble like me and my brothers use to. One reason why my parents would never board games with us :rotfl:


Yours


Calley

Let_Robinson_Sing

calleyw wrote:

Until you fight and squabble like me and my brothers use to. One reason why my parents would never board games with us :rotfl:


Yours


Calley

i liked the scrabble scene off Little Britain 'Cupboardy' . it was great bankrupting my elder brother sometimes on monopoly. *nostalgia*

wisbech_lad

You spent five quid on toys for a three year old! Was it her birthday or something?

Crikey. No, you weren't cruel. Jeez, no wonder som many people are in debt if spending 30 quid on a three year old is seen as normal. They'll play with anything at that age... secondhand or new. As others say - time, encouragement and love are the best gifts at that age.

That and letting her make mud pies with out being scolded. Mmm, mud pies!

Snaggles

I completely agree with all of the above (thanks everyone, you've saved me an awful lot of typing!).

I've got a five year old who is starting to understand a bit about how money works - last time we went to the supermarket I asked him to choose a meal he really liked (Pizza! Obviously haven't suceeded in teaching him about nutrition lol), so together we made him a little list of ingredients - pizza base (I know, I should have made my own! Maybe next time...), tomatoes, and then told him to think of a topping - he chose pepperoni. I gave him a small amount of money and told him we had to buy everything we needed with it.

Then we looked for the ingredients together, and added up how much we were spending - he realised he couldn't get everything with the money I had given him (the pepperoni was expensive). He thought for a minute, and then decided that if he bought a small tin of asda pineapple chunks, and used some ham from the fridge, he would be able to afford it and have a bit of money left over! I was so pleased with him, I gave him the left over money to put in his piggy bank (must have been all of 30p) so he could save up for a treat for himself! The ham and pineapple pizzas were yummy too!

I think it's more important than ever to teach kids good money sense, because there's so much temptation now to get into debt. Good on you - ALL of you - for setting such a good example!

rubyrooster

good on you. totally agree that you should start them at a very early age. my mum takes my nephew to the shops on a weekend and gives him £3 to spend - he finds as many things as he can possibly squeeze into that £3 and gets really upset if he goes over. if only all kids could be like that!

Tiff_2

NO!!! I think it's crueller to have children think they can have what thry want, when they want without, knowing the whole financial process.
Once upon a time :rolleyes: (well 1994 when DS was 4 years old & we were living in US), He was asked what he wanted for his birthday & he replied "a credit card"!!!:eek:
At the age of 9 (back home in UK for 4 years), he knew I was short of money and he'd wanted something or other and he just couldn't understand why I just couldn't go to the bank and get some. It took repeated explanations of the fact that you have to put money in first, to which he followed by "Well why don't you put some in then?!:rotfl:
I think it's a great idea to teach your kids this way in a credit based world.
My DS has reached 16 (more by pure luck and the disadvantage of too many witnesses than anything else!:D ), and will hopefully be starting college on full EMA.
I'm disabled and now on benefits and I have started to have him sit with me each week for the last 3 weeks to see where exactly my money goes & what needs to be paid. Unfortunately, because he sees me managing om my benefits and as a single parent, he has now started worshipping me as a magical money tree!
When he gets his EMA, I have asked for £10 of it to go to bills to get him used to the idea and so that he knows that he's having to become responsible for a budget. I'm also showing him the posts on this site to make him a savvy 16 year old DFW!:money:
However, he still forgets to turn the shower light off, all his electrical gadgets in his room are left on, I can't get him away from his PS2 and cleaning his room is as alien to him as the idea that I was young once too! (41 now, sniff, sniff! )
Wish I'd done it all years ago with him.