Am I being cruel?

climbgirl

I agree with every single other poster, you're absolutely doing the right thing!

I can barely remember toys I had as a child - the things that stand out are things that we used to do as a family. I used to love the holidays we had as a kid - they were always camping holidays, done totally on the cheap. One year we even just camped in a paddock of a farmer friend of my dads, next to a creek! I loved that holiday, it wasn't until years later as an adult I realised that we went there because mum and dad probably couldn't afford anywhere else. Still doesn't change the fact that I remember it as an amazing time we spent together. We all love that holiday.

We never really had new clothes, certainly no labels. We had some family friends who had two girls a few years older than my sister and I, and at the end of every season we'd get a HUGE bag of hand-me-downs. We thought it was Christmas!

You are absolutely doing the right thing - it's not the toys and the money that kids will remember. It's the time you spent with them and the values you taught them.

Irishorangutan

When I was a kid, I have to say I didn't even expect to get the small toys, and it was a bonus if I got something! I loved 99p cars and the like - never had a remote control one, and if i ever got a biggie, it was xmas or birthday! You were spot on!

i_wanna_save_money!

my little girl who is four is a regular saver - I used to spoil her and realised it would do either of us any good. Now I give her £1 per week ( in 5p's and penny's as it looks like loads! ) and she saves for what she wants. Everytime she finds a penny on the floor outside it is straight in her money box and when she has got a half full piggy bank we count it and change it at the bank and she then spends it in town. At the moment she is saving for gardening stuff and I think she does understand the value of money. Unfortunately, she has also just had her step - sister steal all her savings even though she knew it was hers and that she was saving hard and she doesn't understand why she would do that to her. It was only £4.20 but the amount is not the point.

Everest

I've just read through all these messages. Take what you want from each, but not one said anything negative about what your husband did. They all agreed with you and him. Sounds like you're both excellent parents. Nuff said!

milliejon

Thank you so much everyone! I didn't expect to generate such feeling when I posted this. I think perhaps, that the other parents could have been looking on in wonder, but I very much doubt it. When I go shopping I hardly ever see people handing cash over - it's nearly always a credit card, so not really a limit for the kids.

I grew up in a very poor household in the 70s, the kind where porridge was eaten at every meal for a while, and a can of beans went between 4 of us (with the help of a drop of water). I think the fact that we were so skint didn't help me manage money very well. I got a really well paid job as soon as I left college, and got credit as soon as I could - I went mad. Looking back, I think if my mum had explained why we didn't have money, and what we had to do with what was left, I may have not gone so mad and ended up in this terrible state. Not that I'm blaming her, she's just a less open person than I am, and keeps a lot to herself.

Anyway, I really think it's true that we should be honest with our kids and let them know why we can't afford something. We have to keep a balance between not giving them problems that only adults should cope with, and understanding the value of money.

Thanks again. Now I'm off to find the thanks buttons.

Dr.Shoe_2

You are probably doing your daughter the biggest kindness you can!

lyric_grace

I agree with everyone else on here.......no way are you being cruel. Just remember those people in the shop have prob got massive debts themselves. This is what I alwasy think when I see people in the street with hundreds of shopping bags. It helps me to feel better that I am on the way to being debt free whilst those people are prob no where near their lightbulb moment. I think that it is never too early to teach children about the value of money and that they can't just have everything, then you can feel better hoping that they will grow up without the debts that their parents have had to spend so long paying back. Hope that helps you feel better!

llh189

My ex spends a huge amount on his son ( guilt!), he is 8 and has no idea that playstation games are nearly £40, we used to talk all the time about introducing a pocket money scheme but he always resisted he found it too hard to say NO! I don't ever think that his son will understand the value of money.

Whilst I don't think that kids should be worried about money and how much things cost, they do need to know about the value of things, little, quite cheap treats are perfect, and knowing that expensive presents are for very specials occassions or if they save their pocket money is by fair the better way to be. Maybe this way our little ones won't end up on forums like this, because I don't mind confessing most of my debt has been spent on "stuff" for me or "stuff" to keep my loved ones happy.

Ignore the looks and carry on as you are, you sound like your doing all the right things.

benbenandme

Maybe the other people in the shop were just surprised to hear someone actually saying no to a child - I work in a shop selling toys and its pretty rare these days to come across someone like your husband!!

I must admit when I take my son shopping he always wants to go in the toy shop and then the "I'd like ..." starts! I tell him that if we bought the toys he wanted every time then there would be no toys left in the shop next time we went shopping He seems to accept that toyshops are a bit like the park - somewhere we can go and enjoy but we cant take it home as other children like to go there too!!:o

Seems to work at the moment, but he is only 3 !!

lil'H

No way were you cruel! My son is 4 and I have always only brought him treats with a strict budget and he fully understands that. Recently we went to a theme park for the day his friend. Friends mother let him loose in the shop and he chose a £20 digger, could ahve got same type of thing for fiver max elsewhere. Unfortunately I was in the loo when this was going on a DS was with them. Other mother told DS that I would buy him one too! Not impressed, but then to my great pride DS listened when I said it was a lot of money and he had lots of diggers at home, he turned around and said "OK Mummy then we have more money for treats another day right?" I said yes and he turned to his friend and said "I have lots of toys at home, we have money now for my dinosaur" (dino is his money box) I was so proud. You teach children about money not growing on trees and they quickly learn.

lil'H