help!! dont want children there on the big day

blue_monkey_2

blissfull-bride wrote: »

i have to be honest it is the money issues also as we are paying £35 a head,but we dont mind children in the evening its just the ceremony and breakfast.only problem with telling my bridesmaids they can bring there babies is my oh auntie has a baby and his uncle has four children including young twins,so we dont know what to do like i said you cant say yes to children for some and not for others,im in tears now im just so stressed with it all already,i just hate to upset people i really do,i dont really have any close girlfriends so having them there is important to me,my other bridesmaid ( without child)is my OH sister.

Hun, you are just going to have to bite the bullet and tell people now. Don't spend the next 3 months worrying about how you will have to tell people. However, you are going to have to be prepared for the 'babies do not have to be fed from the menu' etc... you are going to get from everyone.

At the risk of csounding like a complete cow - you cannot sit there crying over it for months as people will be expecting to being their children, and I am sorry but that is true, most - not all - people see weddings as a family occasion and those that have no sitters get to have a night out as they can take their kids with them. So, you need to stop procrastinating you need to tell them now and be honest with them.

The more people you tell now (have you set the invitations?) the less people you will have to explain it to if there are more pregnancies.

I know this sounds harsh but if you want to make this descision then you need to deal with the fall out that comes with it - you already know there will be - and while it is your choice and right, you need to deal with it rather than putting it off and crying over it.

hayleythedaisy

Aww hon - don't get yourself upset about it. You have made your decision about your day and that should be the end of it.

You could invite your BM's babies and say it will only be them. If you are going to do that then you need to stick to that as your definitative answer. And if anyone questions it say you want to have your niece/nephew in your wedding photos but you that's it.

I have learn that you won't please everyone so just please yourself and your OH. Make the day how you want it. And don't be afraid to say no when you need to!!!

serenawell

beks wrote: »

The main thing is to be honest and tell them sooner rather than later. Personally, I would not like the thought of a child free wedding (because I have children) but before I had children, I may have thought differently.
If we were invited to a wedding with no children, we would not be able to go. Simply because we have no family to help with childcare and no friends who my child feels happy enough to stay with (I would not enjoy myself as I would be worrying).
Of course, it is individual choice and fair enough if you don't want children there but I would inform guests sooner rather than later.

I have children and have "requested" (obviously ) apart from mine a child free wedding. My oldest is 19 and youngest is 8. Theres nothing I hate more than watching a wedding video and all you can hear is a small child talking loudly while your trying to say your vows.

Skint_Catt

I had a recent friends wedding ruined by crying children in the church so none of the guests heard the couple exchange vows.
If I'd invited children to my wedding there would be 60 adults and 30 children - all at £52 per head - no chance!
My Mum has spoken to all her family (where most of the children are) & explained and all are fine and understand completely and there may be one couple on my OH's side that may not be able to make it due to having 2 small children plus a 400 mile journey but other than that I am definate on the no children.

My day, my decision.

Jo_R_2

I wouldn't be offended if I was invited to a wedding but not the kids. I respect the fact it's up to whosever (is that a word?!) wedding it is and how they want their day to be, the costs involved etc.

Advance notice of course is appreciated to arrange babysitters/overnight stay with grandma/etc so as a potential guest ideally I'd like to know that when the invite arrives so I can make arrangements in advance.

I would say that personally as a potential guest I would turn down an invite if someone invited "just" me and I was a very new mum with babe under six months. As I breastfeed I don't feel comfortable being away from baby, or giving them bottles so I stick with baby when they're that age.

As an aside, my sis got married last year and she had a "no kids" policy, with the exception of my kids and her DH's nephews. Partly because they're close family but also DS was not quite six months and as I was chief bridesmaid and needed to be there all day, so did DS. Her decision was due to costs with there being a large number of children "attached" (LOL) to various guests.

I'd say in her case most people were fine, some even commented on how they liked having grown up time. It did however cause a massive rift with the best man who had an older baby and near enough insisted baby should be invited (which I thought was really rude - he was telling them what they "should" be doing.) They thought logically they should be strict and be clear that it would only be children of their very close family, which they were, but he really took offence to it and they ended up with him sacking it off and having to get a new best man (who incidentally did the best speech I've heard!)

My advice would be stick to your decision and be 'authoritative', firm but clear that is your decision and you are happy with it.

beks

serenawell wrote: »

I have children and have "requested" (obviously ) apart from mine a child free wedding. My oldest is 19 and youngest is 8. Theres nothing I hate more than watching a wedding video and all you can hear is a small child talking loudly while your trying to say your vows.

Each to their own, I can understand why people do and don't want children at weddings. But my point is that being a mum, with no family help, cuts you off from social events when children are not welcome. It can make people feel very excluded and perhaps even more isolated than they already do. I don't want others to feel like that at my wedding. When our time comes, we will be requesting that as many people leave their children at home as possible (for the ceremony and wedding breakfast particularly to keep numbers/cost down) but will not be excluding people if they are unable to make alternative arrangments.

Oh and on the child talking/crying issue, I hope our guests would take their child outside (of course nothing guarenteed).

anderson8

my cousin is getting married in june and she is having no kids at her wedding, not the best mans or bridesmaids, no kids full stop.
my sister is a bit upset as she has a 2 year old and a 3month old who is breast fed.
she lives in england so would be coming up specifically for the wedding, as all the family will be at the wedding there would be no-one to babysit and she needs to be near her baby for feeding reasons. because of this she cant go to the wedding.
i understand why people have childfree weddings but i think you have to consider that many people wont go if their kids arent invited too

kr15snw

We've said no kids because we can't fit them in. It would add about 15 to the list and then we would have to drop people as our venue doesn't hold that many people. And as they are all cousins kids I hate to say but the cousins would be the first off the list so they wouldn't come anyway!

We are however having our 4 neices (2, 4, 10 and 11).

We explained it to all hose concerned and explained all children are welcome in the evening but they've all said it's fine the kids can stay with relations all day most are planning on staying in the hotel and have expressed how great a kid free weekend would be

Just be honest and talk to those concerned in person asap

gandy

we're still trying to figure out if we're having no kids at the wedding .... well when i say no kids we're just having immediate family (my 3 nephews and OH 2 nieces)

i just don't know what we should do ... if we allow kids to the wedding we get an additional 10 added to the wedding list. for us it's difficult because some of our guests are coming from Scotland so if they're leaving their kids then it's going to be for the weekend but most of the kids are older and any of the guests that i've asked so far who have kids are saying it would be great to have a weekend away with out them.

i will have one friend however who's baby will be just nearly a year old so i think i'll just have to keep mulling it over.

it's a puzzler!

mrstrw

We only had 24 at our wedding, we didn't invite my husband's cousins who were about 7 and 9 as we didn't invite any other cousins. We did invite their parents though. I felt very guilty beforehand but I have never seen my aunt in law and her husband so relaxed and they really enjoyed themselves (the uncle did an off the cuff speech expressing his gratitude) The children are quite busy so get bored and it's not fun for anyone. The children stayed with their granny on the other side of the family and I think they would have been a lot happier.