help!! dont want children there on the big day

shellsuit

We're not having children in the day apart from one exception, my cousin and her husband are travelling up to us for the wedding and will be bringing their new baby daughter, who will be 7 months come the wedding ~ we can't expect them to travel and not bring her, plus I think it will be the first time they will get to show her off to the family, so I'm really looking forward to her coming!

My kids will be there too, (they will be 14, 12 and 17 months), but that's it.

All children will be welcome to come in the evening though incase people can't get babysitters.

The people who are coming to the day all have grown up children anyway, (apart from 1), so they won't be bothered!

missjennipenni

talulahbeige wrote: »

I would suggest that you are a troll and you're proving it.

I would also suggest that you don't have a clue about where my guests are coming from and don't have the right to comment in a negative manor when you don't know the facts.

It also suggests alot about your freinds and the quality of your relationships if they get upset at the bride and grooms requests for their day!

Enough said.

I have to say, that even though most posts by that poster are inflammatory, I agree with them on this occasion a nd dont think they have been out of line in their first post on this thread.

frannyann

blissfull-bride wrote: »

hi guys, gosh this forum is a lifesaver!! im getting married 2nd sept 2011 venue is all booked so this is my major worry out the way. i having some issues with telling guests that there is a no children policy at our wedding haha! i work with children all day and absolutely love it, but i want my day to be child free.
problem is one of my bridesmaids has just given birth and the other is due in June, both were asked to be bridesmaids before i knew they were pregnant haha! im just stuck with how to tell them we are not having children at the wedding with out offending the, we cant have one rule for one and one for another, we have told my other half's side of the family who are travelling down from up north that its adults only.

need some advice guys? has anyone else had this problem?

thanks

Hi
Is it just that you don't want any children there for the actual service and meal part, or is it the whole day? A good compromise maybe to ask there be no children for the service and meal, but arrange a 'sitting service'. When I got married, we had a few small children coming but the reg office was tiny (couldn't get married anywhere then!!) and even one whispering child would have been really noticable, so we arranged for a room in the hotel to be available and hired two nursery nurses to look after the children and give them lunch. The parents relaxed and enjoyed themselves and the children joined us after the food and speechs!

talulahbeige_2

missjennipenni wrote: »

I have to say, that even though most posts by that poster are inflammatory, I agree with them on this occasion a nd dont think they have been out of line in their first post on this thread.

So you thik it's ok for them to make negative assumptions about my wedding when they have no idea about who my guests are and where they are coming from?

I would totally agree with you if they had my guest list and knew the people who had children and where they are coming from but she doesn't!

Edit - this wasnt meant to come across as negative, I'm just interested in why Jenni has that opinion

jackieglasgow

Come on girls, play nice. Jennipenni said the first post by that particular poster. You do realise you are all playing her game?

dizziblonde

Ignore the horrible bully crew who'll try to railroad you into doing what THEY think you should do.

You are going to have to brace yourself, be strong and very polite about it - there MAY be fallout, there MAY be tears and ructions but if it's something you want - go with it. I didn't want kids at my wedding (it's been well discussed on here before why - it's to do with how I'm struggling to deal with my own infertility - by avoiding babies and the potential discussions they provoke completely and it was to avoid me suffering further emotional upset), I made my wishes clear, made it clear on invites - but one of my relatives decided to present me with the nice fait accompli anyway (I actually have a horrible feeling they were egged along in this by my mother to be honest - but it's a battle I can't face having to get to the truth - you pick your fights carefully with my mum) and show up with baby in tow on the day.

It wasn't ever going to ruin things, but it did stick a knife through my heart about 20 minutes before I was due to say my vows on the happiest day of my life. It also allowed me to be boxed into a nice corner with my mother (who knows full-well what we're going through) announcing that "the baby's so cute, I've decided it's time you should make me a grandmother"... all the stuff I wanted to avoid and horrifically painful to me emotionally.

While I doubt you have guests and bridesmaids as horrible as my family can be at times - it is something that I think you have to be firm on (and be aware of the potential consequences) and consistent to the point of stubborness on - because once you start making exceptions for one person - then it looks like playing favourites and that's when the fireworks start.

For those who think I overreact in my aversion to babies - I'm assuming you have or can have children of your own and don't know the horrible pain inside when you desperately want to - but can't. The way I deal with it is to desperately avoid scans, baby bumps, cooing over small new arrivals - because, to be frank it's the only way I stay sane and deal with it. For ANYONE to railroad over people's wishes in the way people think they can over the children at weddings debate is completely unacceptable - you wouldn't bring a boyfriend you've been expressly requested not to along to a friend's housewarming they're paying for - yet it's deemed completely acceptable to do so for weddings. I'll never get that.

If your friends don't want to / can't come - then you've got to be prepared for that, no hard feelings, no grudges, no bridezilla moments - that's the only thing I think you have to do if you're going down that line... and don't let the screeching hysterical "WEDDINGS ARE ABOUT CHILDREEEEENNNNNNNNN!"s get to you.

jackieglasgow

Dizzi, I know your story, but didn't pick up on the issue with your mother. I don't mean to be rude as she is your mother, but !!!!!!!! I wouldn't have had her at my wedding, she sounds awful. I symapthise, mine is so awful I can't even speak to her anymore!

Alyssa_C_2

You'll be fine, the newly pregnant may not even be able to think about leaving baby at the moment but they'll be fine in a years time We're only having about 5 kids at the wedding.

talulahbeige_2

dizziblonde wrote: »

and don't let the screeching hysterical "WEDDINGS ARE ABOUT CHILDREEEEENNNNNNNNN!"s get to you.

This always makes me laugh, what would the wedding be without the bride & groom? Answer - not a wedding!
Children don't make a wedding, to some people they may enhance it and it may not be what they were brought up to expect at a wedding but it certainly doesn't make the wedding.

Dizzi -My feelings on children at wedddings (especially mine) are well documented on here and its not for anything like the painful reasons that you have so I can completley understand where you are coming from. However i do hope that yuo are getting some sort of counselling for the pain your in as you do sound like your in a lot of pain and very upset and angry about it.

frannyann

How about going for something gentle??

'Any children attending will be sold as slaves'