Pay off mortgage and start having fun!

Goldiegirl

newgirly wrote: »

They are shs

Its a build up of things lately, gran was moved yesterday to a rehab centre , she has a maximum of 3 weeks there and they still won't ring around care homes as they don't have an official diagnosis of dementia yet. They have both types of power of attorney, but not much is happening.

Sorry to hear this.


A similar thing happened with my mum. She spent about three months in an 'assessment ward', before it was confirmed that she had dementia. Only then could we make arrangements for a suitable care home.


It's a long drawn out process, that's for sure

greent

If DD s happy living at home whilst being at uni, then that's great - you are fortunate in how close you are to London and it fitting with the work experience (I take it it's n a similar vein to what she's been doing already?) Perhaps later down the line she may want to flatshare with other students, but I think that being at home whilst still being able to have all the fun of uni sounds the best of both worlds!


Parents are indeed funny b*ggers. My mother is moaning about her impending redundancy (although she volunteered....) - she's 65, already draws 2 pensions and currently works full time. Bearing in mind that my m-in-law died unexpectedly at 64 last month, you'd think that my mum might be jumping at the chance to be effectively given a tax free lump sum to retire (she wanted to drop her days to 3 a week for the last few years anyway) - but, no - all she can do is moan, moan, moan about the unfairness of it. What that means is she won't eb able to spend £500/ month on clothes and jewellery (avg spend) and may have to look at cutting her food bill - she spends about the same a week (sometimes more!!) for her and 2 dogs as we do (a family of 6) Plus my OH is currently without a contract, so moaning to him is insensitive on 2 counts - he's looking for work and has a family to support and he's just lost his (younger) mum. But, then again, my mum is just a bit weird at times.

AlexLK

Goldiegirl wrote: »

When you live near London, the transport links are excellent, so she's not going to miss out on any activities - she'll just get on the tube afterwards to go to her family home, rather than a room she's renting.

NG is just living in a world that most people recognise - money is not infinite and children need to learn that money needs to be earned, and not just handed to them on a plate

I can appreciate transport links being good near and in London but living with parents whilst being at uni is something I think both the student and parents would find very difficult to actually do. I know I got up to things I'd never admit to my parents whilst at university.

Not sure how NG's daughter being provided with a salary for her university years by her grandparents is 'handing it to them on a plate'? It seems entirely sensible to me (better than the student being burdened with loans and part time jobs) and allows the student to not worry about money and get on with what they are meant to be doing there; that is not working but studying. In my opinion, it'll give the student more time to put the work into their course and walk out with a good degree classification.

Bluefire wrote: »

This is a bit harsh Alex. Even in my neck of the woods (i.e. not London!) I have plenty of friends who opted to stay at home & commute to university because they recognised that spending thousands of pounds on student accomodation wasn't worth it. The financial situation of their parents had very little to do with it.

All seems a bit too sensible at 18-19 and something I wonder if they'll regret in years to come when they have more responsibilities.

greent

AlexLK wrote: »

Not sure how NG's daughter being provided with a salary for her university years by her grandparents is 'handing it to them on a plate'? It seems entirely sensible to me (better than the student being burdened with loans and part time jobs) and allows the student to not worry about money and get on with what they are meant to be doing there; that is not working but studying. In my opinion, it'll give the student more time to put the work into their course and walk out with a good degree classification.

My eldest is due to start uni next year and is currently checking out unis by open days - I've attended some with her and all talks I've been to recommend to the students that they get a job whilst at uni - they suggest a limit to the number of hours (which is still quite high, at anything up to about 25 (more often around 16 - 20hours per week) but I haven't heard one uni talk so far advise not to get a job - not just from a money point of view, but from an experience/ prospects/ checking out future career options point of view. And often employers value work undertaken whilst in uni - shows commitment, an ability to juggle life and study etc. Gives students a taste of the real world, seems to be one view.

Goldiegirl

AlexLK wrote: »

I can appreciate transport links being good near and in London but living with parents whilst being at uni is something I think both the student and parents would find very difficult to actually do. I know I got up to things I'd never admit to my parents whilst at university.

Not sure how NG's daughter being provided with a salary for her university years by her grandparents is 'handing it to them on a plate'? It seems entirely sensible to me (better than the student being burdened with loans and part time jobs) and allows the student to not worry about money and get on with what they are meant to be doing there; that is not working but studying. In my opinion, it'll give the student more time to put the work into their course and walk out with a good degree classification.



All seems a bit too sensible at 18-19 and something I wonder if they'll regret in years to come when they have more responsibilities.

I think it depends what sort of relationship you have with your parents.


If you have an easy going relationship with your parents, who have accepted that you are an adult, I think it would be very easy to live at home during the university years.


A salary is something that's earned. With the best will in the world, going to university is not a job. Getting a real job to earn money in the student years can only be a good thing, to learn how to support yourself and to get experience in the workplace. Being given money to go to university is not a salary, it's an allowance.


No doubt people have to work hard to get a good degree and hold down a job at the same time..... but life is full of hard work, so it's good to learn that early on, so it doesn't come as a shock later!

AlexLK

greent wrote: »

My eldest is due to start uni next year and is currently checking out unis by open days - I've attended some with her and all talks I've been to recommend to the students that they get a job whilst at uni - they suggest a limit to the number of hours (which is still quite high, at anything up to about 25 (more often around 16 - 20hours per week) but I haven't heard one uni talk so far advise not to get a job - not just from a money point of view, but from an experience/ prospects/ checking out future career options point of view. And often employers value work undertaken whilst in uni - shows commitment, an ability to juggle life and study etc. Gives students a taste of the real world, seems to be one view.

My wife had a job whilst at uni and admits some of her marks suffered for it. To be honest, my son will be given an allowance / salary (whatever you want to call it) and I won't be encouraging him to work whilst he's there. I appreciate others have differing points of view and different people place differing importance on a career.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I think it depends what sort of relationship you have with your parents.

If you have an easy going relationship with your parents, who have accepted that you are an adult, I think it would be very easy to live at home during the university years.

A salary is something that's earned. With the best will in the world, going to university is not a job. Getting a real job to earn money in the student years can only be a good thing, to learn how to support yourself and to get experience in the workplace. Being given money to go to university is not a salary, it's an allowance.

No doubt people have to work hard to get a good degree and hold down a job at the same time..... but life is full of hard work, so it's good to learn that early on, so it doesn't come as a shock later!

I suppose people do have differing relationships with their parents. I know I'm not as strict as my parents were but equally I wouldn't accept my child doing some of the things I did at uni.

To be honest, if I knew back then what I know now, the last thing I'd be doing is taking on a job at uni or considering 'the future' (mine was wanting to go into academia). I reckon I'd mess about even more, purely pick modules that sounded interesting and not ones related to the field I wished to do a PhD in (never happened), turn in mediocre essays, go out every night and walk out with a low 2:1.

newgirly

Thanks for the comments everyone, Alex I am sure you have no clue why I feel the way I do about this.

If Dd wants to go to uni she can

If she wants to go to one further away she can- but she will have to borrow more

We will not pay for tuition she would get a loan , something like 80% of people don't pay back the full amount

I don't want my parents paying for one child and not all (which could happen)

I am not against them giving us or the kids money , but in a fair way and not as a constant drip feeding that we may rely on

Dd will continue to work, college prefered students to work part time ,it shows a good work ethic, employers like to see a rounded applicant, its about hobbies, volunteering, work etc. too not just the grades.

She could live in halls, its £2200 pm incl bills , my parents are talking a couple of hundred pm

She is a bright girl and would never want to spend that to have a fun three years when home is free, even if we could afford it

She is a hard working sensible girl that knows how to have fun , but is very driven in what she wants to do

At the end of the day its all up to her , she has already been offered an apprenticeship which is where some of the degree level students will be trying to get one when they leave

Greent its the same things as she being doing before, working in theatre and events

I know london is not the centre of the world, but so far she has worked at 2x london theatres , the secret theatre (world wide, currently in hong kong) and the royal opera house, its just has endless opportunities, its not because she is still tied to my apron strings

Our kids are a part of our family financial issues as they are just that - a part of our family , not excluded from it and kept away from all problems, but hopefully part of the team that understands we live in the real world and if you want it and can't afford it you had better work very hard and earn the money for it yourself. We provide a home, food , travel , got them into good schools and college and will help with some uni costs.

Sounds a cliche but teaching them to be independant is very important to me, if dd wants to skip uni and go travelling or work in tescos I will be upset , but these are HER choices...

AlexLK

I'll admit I don't have a clue. However, I absolutely agree it wouldn't be fair for your parents to pay for one child and not all, hadn't realised that was potentially the case. Why not ask your parents if they will provide the same support to all three children?

Must admit the theatre work you've talked about your daughter being involved in does sound like fun and you're right in saying there's lots of opportunities for her in London. I suppose it concerns me that a young adult aged 18-19 ought not to be tied down by work and potentially by financial responsibility, there's enough of that later on.

Can see why you'd be upset if she wanted to skip uni and work in Tescos but why would her going travelling upset you? I personally hope my son takes a gap year when the time comes and sees a little bit of the world before going to uni. To me that's a much more worthwhile experience than having a job whilst you're a student.

newgirly

A very close friend of mine took a gap year when we were 18, she came back last year at 39 :eek: its put me off , however as with most other things, its up to DD.

The parental money situation may have changed and both boys may not end up at uni, who knows. Housing costs for the kids will way overshadow any uni debt, so in my opinion money invested for that would be better. (I want my house back at some point in the future too!)

Today went well, great uni and course although so much free time, nothing like college. Afterwards we popped to harrods to have a look round the food hall and xmas shop, was going to have lunch at the coffee shop but 1). It had a big queue and 2). Its harrods so it was too expensive. :rotfl: Compromise was a cheese sarnie and bottle of water from the food hall eaten on the pavement outside, classy ahem, six pounds each for a sarnie by the way
All trains home cancelled so a massive de tour and then we finally got a train from a different town home, hilarious though as it used to be a northern train, with all the old route maps, put dd in a panic when first stop was birmingham, didn't tell her for 10 mins

AlexLK

:rotfl: Know a few people like your friend.

I'd assumed your parents to be retired and be in a stable position. Clearly not, re. the retirement as you mentioned your father working. Sometimes I forget my parents are quite old, the other day Ed said something about his parents being about 60ish. I was only 15 when my father turned 60, these days I wish my parents were a little younger as I very much doubt father will see my son reach university age and mother will also be lucky to reach such an age.

On a different note £6.00 for a cheese sandwich :eek:, no wonder you Londoners are always complaining about being broke. Also, Birmingham is south ...