JC's kick up the butt diary!

LittleMoog

Hi JC,
sorry to hear things are so bad for you again

Absolutely DO NOT get a loan to get him a motorbike. TBH I'd be surprised if you could get one anyway, since you're in a DMP - isn't one of the conditions that the creditors accept your payments on that you don't take out any new credit?

I think you do need to ask him for a separation, or for him to leave. Do you have anywhere you can stay in the short term, while you sort out a home for you and DD. There's no shame in claiming benefits when you need the support, I'm sure you'll soon be standing on your own 2 feet again.

I'd suggest getting all your own finances in the best order you can, don't worry about IVA/bankruptcy for now, just keep paying your DMP amounts while you get yourself sorted out. If you and OH sold the house, would the equity cover the secured loan and clear the mortgage? If so that might be the best solution - you can make a clean break with OH and only have to deal with your debts which sound a lot more managable. an IVA is a form of bankruptcy, and I think only works if you have equity to release at the end of the IVA term, so not sure it's the right solution for you. I don't know much about them though.

peaceandfreedom

I'm not an expert and LittleMoog has answered a lot of questions for you. Just wanted to say that I think you should indeed draw a line under things and ask him to leave - you shouldn't leave, you are the primary carer for your DD. If he won't go, then you'll have to have another think and see where you and DD can go.

It might be worth asking directly for financial advice on the DFW board or the Moneysaving in Marriages, Relationships and Families board.

Also, this whole business about the motorbike - I mean, has he competely taken leave of his sense. :eek: It is clear from this and from everything you've said before that he is not comitted at all to improving your financial situation and he's a nasty bully to boot.

Jasper, I think you and DD will be so much happier if you go ahead and make this break for freedom. I think that your OH might annoy you for a while but in the long run, it'll be so much nicer for you both.

jasperconran

well time to update! first of all, I got a letter today from Metropolitan who have taken over my personal loan from hsbc. They have accepted my monthly payment proposal:j:j didnt even query my I & E!!! whoop whoop! sooooo happy about that:D


Right, second update. OH is still here! I stressed and stressed all day waiting for him to be around, it was awful. And the evening before he went to work was terrible. such an atmosphere.

He tried to have a go at me and front me out, but I stood my ground. He looked at me with a dead sinister look on his face and said "you will be the one who will lose out in the long run, you wait and see"

That scared me, what the hell does that mean!?:eek: and then about 2 hours later, I got a text saying well I do love you but I feel totally unappreciated by you and my child:eek: what the hell?! see what I mean??? never know where you are, right?!

He is never gonna go unless I say it. I always knew his was all mouth and no trousers! He will expect everything to go back to normal straight away, but I cant even look at him, cant bear to be in the same room even.

So, I am going to get all my financial affairs sorted out, and start doing things for me. And then it looks like me, the dog and DD will have to go.

He is such a pig! I am sure it is him, who is making me feel so ill all the time, so stressed and so tired!

turfy6

Youre sounding so much stronger now JC, I think I would try and call his bluff, say if he hasnt left by .... whenever then you will, just see what reaction you get. Good news on all the finanacil stuff too, you will get sorted and will feel so much better for it better to be on your own than live with all that stress. hugs.

peaceandfreedom

jasperconran wrote: »

So, I am going to get all my financial affairs sorted out, and start doing things for me. And then it looks like me, the dog and DD will have to go.

He is such a pig! I am sure it is him, who is making me feel so ill all the time, so stressed and so tired!

Good for you, standing your ground. :T

You are quite right - of course it is him that's making you feel down all the time - the debt doesn't help of course, but he's making everything so much worse.

And you are so right - he's all mouth and no trousers - you will have to give him a deadline and ask him to make sure he's gone by then. Don't be intimidated by his threats. Ask him if he'd like you to help him pack.

jasperconran

hi guys,

Thank you for the support, its appreciated as always:D

I have decided to get a few things sorted out this week, ie, ebay and getting all my change ive saved bagged up and banked finally. Be putting it off for months, lazy me lol.

Work wise, well, I am trying to get a direct sales/party plan biz off the ground but also I am supposed to be working for a company self employed cold calling households to complete surveys (which I hate, but money aint bad!)

Anyway, I have done absolutely nothing for weeks:( I think you can all guess why! I was supposed to start my cold calling job back on January 10th, but never really started:eek: due to feel depressed, problems ive had etc. I am surprised I can still log into the system! However, that will be changing from Monday as I really need a good kick up the backside. I need to stop wallowing in self pity and do something with my life.

I NEED MONEY so desperately, something of my own. And I have got to stop sitting at this pc all day, feeling sorry for myself!

I know my situation wont improve unless I get off my lazy butt and do something.......so anyone who wants to give me a virtual kick up the butt, feel free!:rotfl::rotfl:

Its great having the support from you all......wouldnt be able to cope without you guys, thanks:D

Have a lovely day:)

jasperconran

well we are still together sort of!. Had loads of snow so got to actually use the 4x4 on the truck. trouble is, where it doesnt get used that often, its now sick:( and making some weird noises! a friend is gonna look at it and I hope and pray its something simple, got no money for things like this!!!!

Got OH at home, hopefully not for much longer (just waiting for some work). being his usual rude self, he is such a pig!!!!!! I try to help and be nice (although I dont want to) and it gets thrown back in my face. hate the way he talks to me and DD. I thought things might settle down for a while, but hahahahaha, not on your life!!!!

So whilst OH is away, I will a) enjoy some quality time with DD:) b) declutter this house once and for all! and c) seek some legal advice, it saddens me, but needs to be done!

Sooooooo cold here, I hate it! roll on spring! hope you are all well

peaceandfreedom

jasperconran wrote: »

So whilst OH is away, I will a) enjoy some quality time with DD:) b) declutter this house once and for all! and c) seek some legal advice, it saddens me, but needs to be done!

Sooooooo cold here, I hate it! roll on spring! hope you are all well

Will OH be away for a fair amount of time. Hope so. This will give you time to take stock and realise how nice it is without him. Then when he comes back, you can tell him this and call it a day. You shouldn't have to put up with this abuse and neither should your DD.

And I too am so looking forward to the spring. Yesterday, I ordered some raspberry canes, some seed potatoes and lots of tomato seeds and I just can't wait to get started. I have visions of myself out in the greenhouse, sun shining, radio on, cup of coffee, sowing seeds, potting up, chatting to my seedlings (yes, I really do this - and I have entire conversations with my tomato plants ) - it's heaven and I can't wait!!!

jasperconran

hiya peaceandfreedom,

yes he will be away all week, home at weekends.

I was feeling very :j today, but now feeling I will explain.

I have got £884 saved up thats why I was :j but.....as Mr Lewis always says, you havent really got savings when you've got debts. So I decided to pay off one of my smaller debts in full which leaves me with £599 which still isnt bad. However, I will have to bail OH out with the overdraft again by £300:eek: which leaves me with just £299:( now I know what you will say, dont do it!!! but if I dont, I get screaming, shouting, tantrum throwing, you name it!!!

So this weekend, with no insertion fees, Im gonna have to ebay like mad!!!! still got loads to shift, so not too bad. I just get so disheartened cos I only seem to get like £4 for stuff which are good clothes and worth alot more!!!! aint worth it, but gotta do it!

some people have so much more luck than me lol. might try facebay too etc.

sun is shining and we have had no more snow! thank goodness!!!!

hope you are all well

peaceandfreedom

jasperconran wrote: »

However, I will have to bail OH out with the overdraft again by £300:eek: which leaves me with just £299:( now I know what you will say, dont do it!!! but if I dont, I get screaming, shouting, tantrum throwing, you name it!!!

Well, I would say DON'T DO IT but you've gotta do what you think will make life easier for now. But when are you going to give this man the heave-ho?

jasperconran wrote: »

So this weekend, with no insertion fees, Im gonna have to ebay like mad!!!! still got loads to shift, so not too bad. I just get so disheartened cos I only seem to get like £4 for stuff which are good clothes and worth alot more!!!! aint worth it, but gotta do it!

What I do on ebay is I set the starting price to the minimum I will accept. I never start something at 99p because I don't want the bother of selling something for 99p - I'd rather give it away.

With clothes, I find it is more profitable to sell in bundles, particularly children's clothes. And what I do is either Buy-It-Now with a fixed price that I am happy with, or I'll auction them but at a starting price I'm happy with. I photograph all the clothes in little groups of 4 or 5 items, and make them look as good as possible.

If you are selling nice clothes, make sure you are doing them justice in your photos and make sure your description is well-written.

Good luck. :beer: