JC's kick up the butt diary!

savingwannabe

You dont ever need to be told off sweetheart. You need kindness. Have you seen 3Dogs's thread, debt free diaries, the future is bright for 3 dogs? If you ever want to chill and forget. We go there to relax and forget bad things. Everyone on there is nice. I want to do some cooking too but house will be full of decorators again!!! I will try. Hugs, sw.

jasperconran

hi all,


well my life feels as if its falling apart. I feel like all the bills/debts are getting on top of me, OH is doing my head in :mad: and I feel like I am bloody suffocating.

To top it all, one of my parents has been rushed to hospital with suspected pneumonia:(

Why cant something good happen for me?

Hope you guys are all fairing better. JC xx

savingwannabe

Oh poor JC. Things are piling up.

You need to focus on the urgent ones and ignore the others. deal with it one at a time. I panic too and i cant cope then i realise i must prioritise.

Can you visit your parents in hospital? being with them helps. 3Dogs is visiting her mum tomorrow and is travelling such a long way as she has been taken into hospital too.

Can anyone suggest something that can help with the finances? I dont know much about this. Things may be no different to yesterday but it feels like it is getting out of control probably because of the shock of your parents.

OH is mean. Ignore him any hassles he gives are the last thing you need at the moment. Treat him like a naughty kid. He deserves it.
Love you lots. swX

Marru

HI,

I hope you won't mind me busting in.

Firstly - go and see your parents if you can
Secondly - talk to OH and explain your situation you need your OH to work with you and not against you
Thirdly - it is all good and well to have an organised house, meal plan and all the paper work up to date but unfortuately life gets in the way. Get yourself a notebook and write on first page 3 most important things that you should do that would make the biggest difference in your life. These can't be things that would take you hours or days to do or things that are depending on somebody else to do something first. Chunk down. And then go and do those 3 things. Every evening open new fresh page for next 3 things that you will do first opportunity the next day. After you feel you have acheved something it is time for rest and fun and me time.

Good luck.

3Dogs

Hi again JC - calm down hun - step back from the problem and take deep breathes. I see that everything is getting on top of you and that your OH is not only not helping but is actually the root of the problem

It is time for you to start again with your debts petal - get all your paperwork together and post a new SOA using this calculator then we can advise you as to whether you are still on the right track - remember to put everything down as they are, not as you would like them to be - be honest. And if you don't know where the money is going, start a spending diary and write down EVERY penny you and your OH spend

Then post it on here and we'll have another look for you OK? Do try to talk to OH about what this all means and that once the debt is sorted out, then, and only then, you should have spare money for his indulgences

I have already filled you in by PM on how I made extra money for the £10 a day challenge, but did miss out that doing car boots in a useful way of earning cash. Whatever you decide, discuss it on here - never feel that you are alone - as you know there are many people on here that have been or are going through the same as you and have come out the other side on top

Talk ..... Talk ....... Talk ........ I can't stress that enough - talk on here to get support and advice - and talk to your OH to try to make him toe the line. Start again - a fresh look at the problem can often lead to different possible solutions

Use this resource to it's fullest - pour out your feelings if that makes you feel better - rant and rave - shout and cry - we don't care - just listen to what people say to you - don't dismiss anything - this forum is here to advise and support so make full use of it - people do want to help you hun - let them

PM me again if you want, anytime, or SW - do not feel that you are dealing with this alone - we are all there with you

beanielou

I can only echo what everyone else has said.
Keep communicating if you can & take care.

jasperconran

hi guys,

thanks for your kind replies. Right, I have now decided what to do with everything. I went out in the cold tonight for a long walk with my dogs as I do an awful lot of thinking when I am out with them. And I have decided the following (and you need you guys to help me stick to it!!)

1. I have been self managing our own dmp and we currently pay out £780 per month:eek: I have been doing some number crunching and this is far too much as I have been trying to pay things off quickly. I have decided to re-negotiate with our creditors so that we are only paying a total of £500 per month. Yes the debts will take longer to pay off but, at least I will have some financial breathing space.

2. I am not going to be bullied/scared/intimidated anymore by the default notices/threats that flaming scalifax have been sending out even though we have stuck to the agreement. Scalifax and Barclaycard have both gone against their word and are charging interest etc even though I have letters stating they wouldnt! So, by golly are they gonna get some snotty letters from me and if that doesnt work, I am going to complain to the FOS. Cos I have had enough of being bullied and being made to feel like a low life!!!!!!

3. I dont flaming well care what OH says anymore, I am getting on with my life and if he doesnt like it, well then he can clear off! I am going to get my backside in gear and become a regular on the flylady thread, I am going to meal plan like crazy and make sure I am more disciplined and stick to it. I have been having great success with the bank account I am glad to say and I have now opened up my own little savings account as I promised my parents that I would save up enough money for myself and DD to be able to leave and be happy and secure on our own.

4. I have been very laspse with my surveys/daily clicks which I am not proud of as I was starting to build up quite a nice little sum, so as of next week, it starts again!!!!

I would like to thank you all for the support and wishes so far, I want you all to know its really appreciated. I also want to say, thank god that you came back Savingwannabe, my wonderful friend. Your support and kind words have also made such a big difference to me, it feels great knowing that you are there. It works both ways and I am here for you also.:)

If I hadnt found this thread and you guys, I dont know what I would have done. I know that probably sounds a bit mushy lol but I mean it. thank you all. speak soon

JC xxxxx

3Dogs

Go Girl Go - that's the way to do it !!! :j :j :j :j

Marru

jasperconran wrote: »

1. I have been self managing our own dmp and we currently pay out £780 per month:eek: I have been doing some number crunching and this is far too much as I have been trying to pay things off quickly. I have decided to re-negotiate with our creditors so that we are only paying a total of £500 per month. Yes the debts will take longer to pay off but, at least I will have some financial breathing space.

Well done! If it all gets too much perhaps call one of the non profit organisations to do this for you.

jasperconran wrote: »

2. I am not going to be bullied/scared/intimidated anymore by the default notices/threats that flaming scalifax have been sending out even though we have stuck to the agreement. Scalifax and Barclaycard have both gone against their word and are charging interest etc even though I have letters stating they wouldnt! So, by golly are they gonna get some snotty letters from me and if that doesnt work, I am going to complain to the FOS. Cos I have had enough of being bullied and being made to feel like a low life!!!!!!

They are automated letters so they mean absolutely nothing. Just keep chipping away and shoot a letter back every time you get one from them or if you choose to let someone else to deal with this on your behalf (e.g. payplan) then you can forward the letters to them. I did my DMP myself and as a afterthought I really shouldn't have.

I hope you have set up a spreadsheet with the amounts you debts were when you started you DMP and how much you have paid off. Then you won't get too despondent with the added interest as you can at least see one balance going down. (I have now paid 5 out of six loans with !!!!!! and none of them have been more than 50% of the balance of the loan)

jasperconran wrote: »

3. I dont flaming well care what OH says anymore, I am getting on with my life and if he doesnt like it, well then he can clear off! I am going to get my backside in gear and become a regular on the flylady thread, I am going to meal plan like crazy and make sure I am more disciplined and stick to it. I have been having great success with the bank account I am glad to say and I have now opened up my own little savings account as I promised my parents that I would save up enough money for myself and DD to be able to leave and be happy and secure on our own.

Sympathise you with this. When I still lived with ex I used my 17% CC to pay for our food until I put my foot down. He was very good at sending me down to the guilt trip when it came to money. Stick to your guns and keep explaining what the situation is and how it affects you. If he really cares about you he needs to get his act together.

jasperconran wrote: »

4. I have been very laspse with my surveys/daily clicks which I am not proud of as I was starting to build up quite a nice little sum, so as of next week, it starts again!!!!

This is all fine if you have the time but sit down and think carefully if there are better ways to utilise your time. My experience is that only couple of survey companies pay enough for me to bother.

jasperconran

wow cant believe how long its been since ive been on here! bad girl lol

Well, time for an update methinks. I am finally going on a dmp with OH with CCCS dont care what he thinks I cant cope anymore and thats that. Hopefully should all be sorted out soon and start on 1st Jan.

Me and OH arnt getting on too well anyway (no surprises there then!!) I am always feeling like I am bloody losing control of everything like all the time. the job I spent loads of time training for, turned out to be bloody awful so I am now out of work and having to start all over again. I sooo need to turn my life around and get out of the rut that I have been sinking into ever since I started this diary.

2011 has got to be a better year for me.......I need to declutter this house and ebay like mad. I give up so easily with ebay and I shouldnt. I want to try and set up a little ebay business if I can so that I can have a little bit of money to call my own or better still up my payments to CCCS! that would be nice

And I need OH to stop moaning at me all the time. I try soo hard to please everybody and its just not working. He doesnt realise that everytime he moans at me, he is mentally chipping away at me and I am sinking lower and lower.

My parents have told me that he does love me and would do anything for me hahahahahaha!!!! yeah right, thats not the man I see everyday. I so despise him now its awful.

I can see that once the debt is gone, I will be gone!!!!

hope you are all ok and fairing better than me:)