JC's kick up the butt diary!

moo2moo

Jeez JC. I thought things here were bad at times but they're nothing in comparison to what you're going through.

You're not going to want to hear this but I'm left wondering why OHs friend couldn't pay his hotel room in cash in the first place.

Next I'm wondering why you think medicating yourself is the answer. The past 48 hours have shown us you're not depressed. Really peed off yes but not depressed. You've been a different person once the strain of wondering what stunt your OH is going to pull next was alleviated.

You can stand on your own two feet. You really don't need him. He doesn't give a stuff if hes over his limit and up to his eyeballs in debt because you'll always be there to bail him out. Please please please go and stay somewhere else tonight and every night. He really isn't worth making yourself miserable over.

You have not made a mess of your life, the fact you're still fighting to make things work out whilst your OH does everything he can to make sure it doesn't is proof of that. Take your DD and start over. Walking away will be the hardest thing you ever do but it will all get easier from then on.

If you don't feel you're ready to do that then we'll completley understand and be there for you but you shouldn't be crying because OH is coming home. Thats simply not right.

I don't know where you are but if you're anywhere near me you're more than welcome to come and stay to give yourself time away from it all to think.

savingwannabe

My heart really goes out to you. I am crying too. Ringing the doctor's is a fantastic step. Take someone with you. I am hoping that they will refer you to a counsellor to cope with mental and physical abuse too.

Do not beat yourself up. Why? you are the one that has been trying to hold things together. OH cannot take your daughter. She loves you. Can you tell your mum/friend everything? or something to ease the strain on you? This is so much to cope with for one person.

You are so brave. Well done, i am so proud of you. Dry your tears my friend. Make yourself a nice cup of tea (always works for me), hug dear daughter and watch a video or ring your mum for a chat about anything. See if she can come with you to the doctors.

Huge hugs, this is such a step forward. Well done.

:j

savingwannabe

I live in portsmouth. It is very basic. House is being rebuilt and decorated in summer hols. But this is an emergency if you need to come here.

jasperconran

hiya moo2moo, I dont know if Im completely ready to clear off just yet, however, my mum did say to me a couple of weeks ago that I can stay with her and my dad anytime I want. Thank you so much for your kind offer, its truly appreciated.

Hi savingwannabe, I am just about to have a nice cuppa actually, god im craving chocolate now:) I think I will ask my mum to come with me just in case I get a bit emotional and cant say what I need to say.

Phew, I feel quite drained now and tired. It is strange isnt moo2moo why his buddy didnt just pay his own flipping bill and be done with it, I must admit I didnt quite understand that one. I have also just found out that OH has not been taking his flaming medication whilst he has been away, I think I have been worrying about that as well. jesus, I sometimes feel like his flaming mother!

love and hugs to you all xx

savingwannabe

Take your mum she will know what to say. I will pray for you.

Recently i was bullied at work. I grew up being bullied at home and didn't know any better. My friend dragged me to the doctors and finally at the age of 39 i am having counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy. I didn't even know what was going on. My friend explained to the dr about my childhood as i didn't know what to say. We were there for two hours!!!! I have never heard a doctor swear before he went bonkers. He was great.

You will not look back. Well done.

:j

Herewego

Just remember you deserve to be happy everybody does.
I have a friend who was in a similar position although her son was 15 she just packed up and moved out signed all debt over to him and walked away with nothing. Not a great thought at 47 years old but she just loves it she obviously has no house but she is happy.
Only you can make that choice but we are all here for you. If i were in you position I would be overpaying my cc in case I needed them, is there any equity in your house would you be losing much if you walked away.
Im here if you need me for a virtual shoulder to cry on or a virtual coffee :beer: or beer.

savingwannabe

Go and get some chocolate !!!! you have earned it.

moo2moo

So don't clear off completely but do go and stay with your mum and dad for a week or even a long weekend. It'll give you a break from all the stress and the phone calls from the bank. Perhaps if OH has to fend for himself for a bit he'll rethink his attitude. Plus a week not walking on eggshells and wondering if the things you do or don't do are going to cause unforseen hassle will make life far easier for you and DD.

chrispop

Hi JC,

I just want to repeat what moo2moo said, that as long as you're here and trying everyday, then there is no way you have made a mess of anything!

Keep your head up. We're here for you. X

jasperconran

savingwannabe wrote: »

I live in portsmouth. It is very basic. House is being rebuilt and decorated in summer hols. But this is an emergency if you need to come here.

sorry savingwannabe, I meant to mention this in my last post. Thank you so much for your kind offer. its appreciated.

I will let you know how I get on. I am feeling very drained now, so I think its an early night for me!

take care, speak soon x