JC's kick up the butt diary!

savingwannabe

How lovely. What a cheerful start to the day. I hope you have a great time at your mum's.

Ps am also rather happy that you had some 'me' time last night. After all your hard work you deserve it!

:j

jasperconran

hiya savingwannabe, hope your ok.

well all jobs are finished:j and the ironing as well! yay. just gonna have a bit of a sit down and a nice cuppa before DD and I go off to my mums.

I have just checked OH's virgin cc statement online cos yesterday he had £270 left on his credit limit and I wanted to check that he hadnt been using it whilst he has been away and I am happy to say he hasnt!!. But he's now got his new statement and cos of virgins flaming interest charges of £169:eek: hes now only got £88 left:eek: . Im not really angry at OH in a way, its the credit card companies awful flaming interest charges, they are shameful! OH reckons he should be coming home with some money left from his trip, so once I change it back up, I will use whatever is left and pay extra off of the card. I have decided (although some of you will probably be shouting no no no at your screens!!) that all the loose pennies that I have got/find, I will use to try and reduce his cc as quick as physically possible.

enjoy the rest of your sunday peeps! speak later x

moo2moo

Its not up to us to tell you what to do or what not to do. Only you can decide that. If its important to you that you are reducing OHs CC balance then its something that you need to do. Whether its the right thing to do is largely irrelevant. You have to do whatever allows you to sleep at night without worrying and if paying your loose change to it means that the next set of interest charges don't take him over limit then thats what you need to do.

I on the other hand would be taking a pair of scissors to the card in question choppety chop because £170 in interest charges is a fifth of my monthly income. After that I'd be working out what I could do about it but whilst its in his pocket and linked to his paypal account its likely to go over the limit in the very near future and rack up some horrendous charges.

ps. Your lack of trust in him speaks volumes. You really need to sit down and talk this through with him.

savingwannabe

JC i really admire you. I hope he realises how fantastic you are. Well done. You can only do your best and you always do.

Woowoo

I can't believe you found 80p on the floor, who throws 80p away!

Thankfully for us though people do!

Choc-addict

You should be so proud of yourself JC - you are doing fab and as others have said you have to do what makes you feel happy and best.

I really hope that your OH can see things from your view soon and perhaps see how much better off you guys will be if he actually stops using the cards.

Enjoy the rest of your dayxx

jasperconran

hi all, thank you for your thoughts and support.

well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I have just counted the pennies in my ickle pad jar as I call it. And I have now got £18.07:j which I will pay in this week and use towards the dreaded virgin cc. OH also rang me and said I will actually be bringing money home with me, I hope you are proud of me cos you know what Im like. and I thought yeah I am actually. And then he said, "I want to save my money for coming home but I need to pay my hotel bill and my mate has asked me to pay his, and I aint got enough cash to cover mine" (you know whats coming right). I said you cant, he said oh dont worry my mate is gonna give me the cash tonight, I aint leaving without it!!. So I asked what the problem was, he told me that he had tried to use his cc and it had been declined! no surprise to me obviously. He then used his switch card (not good), but then he said I will be bringing the cash home to cover it. ok i thought. Now, we have got savings to cover this so I dont go over our overdraft and yes, he is bringing monies home so that everything is covered. BUT, I now realise that he has never listened to me in the past and present about money and cc's. It has now dawned on me that he doesnt realise that he is dangerously close to his limit all the time cos of the interest charges etc.

Now, I know you are all probably gonna say, well, tell him then! whats the problem!? But as some of you may, or may not know, my OH does not take well to hearing things like that. I may have mentioned that the last time I tried to tell him that we had no money as such, he threatened me with violence, said it was my fault, and he would kick me out and I would never see our DD again. (not sure if Ive said that before or not). I hate to admit it, but I am soooo scared of him, and thats one of the main reasons why I want to concentrate on getting HIS cc down as fast as physically possible cos I know that worrying about it all the time, is gonna make me a) ill and b) a nervous wreck.

flipping eck, if its not one thing, its another isn't it????? I just start to get on a high, and then wham!!! im back down again. I am now going to make myself a promise and all you lovely peeps are my witnesses ok! I swear, that once our debt mess is sorted out, I will NEVER, EVER, get a cc again. I WILL NEVER, EVER, get any sort of credit again. I WILL be firmer with my OH and tell him that if he wants something, SAVE FOR IT. Dont get stupid loans or use a cc!! I swear to you all, this has been and will be a very hard lesson learnt. I am also going to make sure that I teach my DD the value of money, I never want to see her make the same mistakes that we, her parents, have made.

I am not a stupid person, although I am told quite often that I am. I just need to braver and firmer when it comes to my so called husband.

I hope that you have all had a smashing day, and that you are all well.

ps. me and DD had a lovely time at my mums btw. x

BLT_2

Damn this sort of post annoys me, not due to the poster but due to the deadbeat she is living with, and I make no apologies for that comment. To actually have someone totally screwing up your finances and live in fear of him as well is absolutely appalling.

As for the kicking out bit and never seeing the daughter again, he needs a reality check. I believe he will find that it is the man who has to leave the house in situations like this. I suspect with his financial abilities he would find it impossible to survive without you.

Glad you had a good day with the relatives in any case

savingwannabe

Oh JC i don't know what to say. You are doing so well. There is no way on earth he can force your daughter to stay with him if you move out. She love's you and is probably scared of him.

Please, please, please do you have access to a printer? I want you to print out all of your emails on this website and take them to CAB. Don't talk to the OH about the debts. CAB will help you.

I lived in a really abusive home. I was threatened and beaten every day and much worse. I wasn't allowed to do anything, talk, sleep, read. The bully (not my dad!) made my life hell. My doctor told me to move away. I would not have done it as i kept forgiving the bully and thinking it would get better. It gave me permission to move on and it is the best thing i ever did. I look over my shoulder sometimes and i get scared but the bad person will never find me and i am finally feeling safe now. Life will get so much better. You are amazing. You and your daughter deserve so much.

Can you move in with your mum? A friend? these are things to think about way into the future but for now please go to the Dr or CAB. This is serious.

Love you and big hugs,

:j

jasperconran

thank you BLT and savingwannabe for your replies. BLT you are right of course, but OH can be a dark and complex person sometimes, and I mean nasty. Dunno if I would actually get him out of this house.

To you savingwannabe, I think you are a truly lovely brave person. To have the strength to move on and even move away I think is amazing. The funny thing is, I know deep down I am strong. These few days I have had on my own, has made me realise that the only person I truly need is my DD. She has not missed her dad at all and hasnt even wanted to talk to him on the telephone. I have really enjoyed the peace and quiet that I have had, and I am now feeling sad as I dont really want tommorow night to come.

I am sitting here now crying, not because of what any of you have written as such, but because, I am gutted at the mess that I have made of my life. I know that you shouldnt dwell on the past as that will not help matters. but i do often sit here and think if only, if only I had been stronger, if only I had put my foot down, then maybe we wouldnt be in this mess and I could walk away with a clear conscience. I have been married now for almost 17 years, and I have one other small confession that I would like to make to you all. no one knows this, not even my parents. But 2 weeks before I got married, I had serious doubts and I didnt want to go thru with it. I had seen the other side of OH even then,but I was to scared to back out. because of all the effort that people had made and the money that had been spent.

Dont worry savingwannabe, I have decided that first thing tommorow I am going to ring the doctors and make an appointment. Even if I can get something for the depression, its a start and it might help a bit.

Its funny, I have never meet any of you and yet it feels good to know that we have each other and are all here supporting each other. You are all truly lovely wonderful people.

take care all of you, speak soon. xx