Letting someone down gently...

Bufger

otmp wrote: »

Hah DigitalJedi, indeed there is never a dull moment. I tend to look on with detached amusement.

Theres a certain girl in our guild who is well known on our server, she was with the GM of my old guild, broke up with him (he ended up on anti depressants), about a year later she ended up with an officer in my new guild, then broke up with him recently for one of his best friends. This happened mid raid, our officer suddenly went offline and our Shaman went AFK without warning only to return in a sulk five minutes later nursing a black eye.

There was /drama a couple of years ago when an English guy on our server moved to Denmark for a lady, they were all engaged for over a year etc and then after a guild meeting in London she basically turned round and told him not to come back as she was in love with his welsh GM.

Its all fun times :rotfl:

Perhaps thats the problem, he plays melee and melee dps mechanics send me to sleep -.-

The whole thing sends me to sleep, i just cant understand how people do it!

I think the problem with the whole guild dating thing is a large number of male geeks chasing a small number of female geeks. As soon as the females realise they have a large choice they start to 'try before they buy' as it were.

euronorris

Steel wrote: »

Also - being frank here - he thought nothing to your feelings when he asked you out knowing all the stress you went through last time with someone else. You're worried about letting him down gently. He didn't worry when he threw you into a spin doing exactly what he knows you hates male friends doing. he didn't put you first.

But then I find that is men's confidence (read arrogance) sometimes. They really don't think things apply to them.

Sort of like:

"Oh yes, she had a problem last time, but that was with him. But I'm not him. I'm me. She won't have a problem with me doing it."

I think that's a little unfair.

None of us know what he was thinking. He could've misintepereted something the OP said, or did, as something more than friendly, but still not been sure and agonised over whether to act on it or not.

Either way, if he's carrying a torch for you, he can't help it. And, for all he knew, the OP could've changed her mind about it, or him.

OP - I know you said he knows you better than that, but none of us are mind readers and things, situations, people's opinions etc change all the time. So, as far as he's concerned, if he doesn't ask, he'll never know for sure.

I know you don't like to be put in that situation, none of us do, but it's a fact of a life. And I think it's unfair of you to expect all of your male friends to never ask you out, if they happen to develop feelings for you.

You only have to say no, and how they react is up to them. You can't, nor will you ever be able to control that. It's ok/normal for them to be a little upset, or at least a little 'knocked back' at first. But, if they were a good friend beforehand, they'll get over it and still be your friend.

If, they can't deal with it, they can't deal with it. And it sucks, I know, but that's just them. I know it impacts on you because you end up losing a friend, but I honestly don't know how anyone could possibly avoid this situation happening. Other than having no friends at all, which you obviously don't want.

Anyway, I hope I haven't offended you, but I just wanted to put accross another view as he isn't here to defend his decision. I see you've already responded and hope that you two remain firm friends.

PS. Another female WoWer here, although I haven't seen all the drama your guild has! Our guild is pretty small though. The only other couple in the guild I know of is a Dutch guy and an English woman, and although they met online, they are now very established as a couple and happy. Just wanted people to know that sometimes it works out well (although I do realise that the potential for disaster is huge!).