Letting someone down gently...

otmp

DigitalJedi wrote: »

Ask for a hunter pal to misdirect to the tank then bubble & hs out of there.

Either that or tell him you don't date noobs.

Sorted!

I lolled but pft give me some respect, I don't play a Paladin, its more like cast invsibility :cool:

DigitalJedi

Pfft, bloody mages. Should nerf you.

Anyway, as for your friend. He has asked you out so he is being true to his feelings. You must do the same. So just be honest and say that he is not your type but you like him as a friend. Frankly he won't even hear the latter as us men all hate the LJBF speech.

But you cannot control how he reacts and you didnt create this situation. If he values the friendship then he will eventually come back. If he cuts all ties then he was never your friend in the first place. /gkick.

As a rule, men do not want to be just friends with attractive single ladies. We always want more. If you are fat & ugly then we just want to be friends!

jillymit

otmp wrote: »

He has, original email below

Hey xxxx,

How are you doing? I am quite fine myself.
I just wanted to say that you are a great girl and was wondering of
you would like to go on a date with me some time.
How do you feel about that?

Greetings,
xxxx

Ok, you are obviously cross he's even asked you. In that case there's no way to be tough but let him down gently if he's such a close friend tell him how you actually feel.
How about...........

Hi *****
You ask how I'm doing? Well, I was fine until you asked me on a date.
I really wish you hadn't done that. It makes me feel that being a friend isn't some how good enough for you. It's not going to happen...ever!
I'd like to forget I just received your email and had to send you this one.
Greetings FRIEND,
*******

Ok, ok, a bit strong but maybe a combination of this one and my other suggestion.
I agree with those who say if he can't handle the dent in his ego and breaks ties with you all together you've lost nothing in the long run.

Strapped

Hey, why not just meet up, have a laugh, jump into bed, then ignore his calls and emails for the next 6 months?

Oh no, that's what a man would do. D'oh!

Seriously, just be straight with him. Don't be "subtle" or he may not get the message.

ailuro2

If you're angry at him,let him know...

Dear Dutch WoW.

I'm touched you asked me,but also feeling a little sad that you asked me out on a date, because I thought you know already that I have refused to date WoW friends before and they have gone off in the huff and I lost their friendship too. I don't want to lose your friendship, but I don't want to date you either. I love having you as a fiend and would never ever risk our friendship by complicating things. Besides, I'm kind of seeing someone else at the moment, it's early days so no-one else knows about it, but you know me well enough to work out I'd not see two people at the same time.



p.s. How do you know he's not got hidden talents? Maybe you're brushing off Mr Dreamboy and don't realise it, who knows, he might be a frog waiting to turn into a prince?

Sunshine12

I wouldnt get into a tizz about it. Its no big deal really is it. Just say no thanks but flattered you asked and be done with it. Am sure he will cope!!

DVardysShadow

jillymit wrote: »

How about .......

Hello, great to hear from you. I'm good thanks.
Thanks for the offer of a date. You ask me how I feel about that? well, I am flattered [STRIKE]you think I'm a great girl[/STRIKE] but [STRIKE]I think[/STRIKE] I'd prefer to stay just a great friend. Hope that's ok with you?
[STRIKE]How do you feel about that?[/STRIKE]


You don't have to give a reason and you can't be held responsible for his reaction if you let him down gently.

As a bloke, that reads about right as you wrote it, but you could be just a bit more straightforward. You know where you stand, you've taken a risk, but the lady is clear enough about not going further and keeping things as they are.

otmp wrote: »

Thank you for your advice Jackie and I'm sorry that I don't agree with most of it.

Re your comment 'how would he know how you feel without asking?'
You'll just have to take my word for it that he knows me well enough to know exactly how I would feel about being put in this situation again, which is why its gotten to me so much, it feels cruel. Having been the friend I talked to the last time this happened, because I trusted him as not being one of 'them' (friends that forget they're just friends).

But as you say, it will only be awkward if I let it, which I know, which is why I have asked for advice on how to let him down gently. The main concern I have with Jillymit's reply is that its giving multiple opportunities for 'negociation', and there isn't any to be had, I don't see how me asking how he feels about me turning him down can result in anything good.

It is a risk on his part to ask. Some women will wreak a terrible price if a man asks her for a date out of place. Some avoid that and go for letting down gently and then miss conveying their response.

As far as I can see, he is managing his request to you in a way which allows both of you to explore the possibilities or to continue as you are. If you are not interested, you can respect the way he has handled it by delivering the 'Not going there, business as usual' message as clearly as you can. I would expect he will respect that. In fact you could reply by quoting his message and putting underneath 'Not going there, business as usual'. It is a bit blunt or even brutal, but it is probably the quickest way of getting back to business as usual.

It's going to keep on happening. A female into WoW is going to be interesting to men who are also into WoW. You have no reason to be put out when it does happen, you just need to deliver the message which puts things back to where they were. The more you try letting down gently, the less clearly you deliver your message and the more you leave him wondering if you are just playing hard to get.

C_Mababejive

I dont see the problem. simply formulate your thoughts into a concise sentence and speak forth. It is up to them whether they accept it or not.

Bufger

otmp wrote: »

He has, original email below

Hey xxxx,

How are you doing? I am quite fine myself.
I just wanted to say that you are a great girl and was wondering of
you would like to go on a date with me some time.
How do you feel about that?

Greetings,
xxxx

The blunt truth is I am not attracted to him in the slightest and I have absolutely no desire to be in relationship with him.

I do however, really value the friendship and would quite like to have that intact or at least hanging by a thread by the time I've finished.

I think you came up with a perfectly good answer yourself.

I would reply with:

I feel like im put into a situation i dont feel comfortable in. I think you're a great friend but i have never considered you as more than that and never will, it would ruin our great friendship which means alot to me!

I hope this doesnt affect our friendship at all as i value it highly and i dont want this to make things weird. I'm very flattered by your comment and im willing to meet up with you again for a beer as friends if you would still like to?

Again im sorry to turn you down like this, please dont take this in a negative way. Let me know if you want that beer at some point and i'll see you in the guild next (insert day?)

With a friendly punch on the arm,

-whateveryournameis

Steel_2

Dear XX

Listen, I'm really flattered by your last email. The problem is, after all the hassle I had last time I don't want to go down this route with one of my mates. Do you remember all the stress when it happened with XX? I'm not going there again and that's why I won't date mates.

Also (and I'd appreciate your discretion in this please) I've started seeing someone recently - not a WOWer - which I was keeping quiet about. For privacy reasons I always keep a little distance between my online persona and real self so I won't be making it public knowledge.

Can you understand where I'm coming from on this?

otmp

***

This may make him think twice. The trouble with an online persona in these games is that the other players sometimes take your persona at face value or confuse your online persona with the real life you. They think you are someone that you're not. I've found this in the past and it is useful to keep a little mystery and remind the others involved occasionally that they don't know everything about your, only what you allow them to know.

Also - being frank here - he thought nothing to your feelings when he asked you out knowing all the stress you went through last time with someone else. You're worried about letting him down gently. He didn't worry when he threw you into a spin doing exactly what he knows you hates male friends doing. he didn't put you first.

But then I find that is men's confidence (read arrogance) sometimes. They really don't think things apply to them.

Sort of like:

"Oh yes, she had a problem last time, but that was with him. But I'm not him. I'm me. She won't have a problem with me doing it."