Letting someone down gently...

Bufger

Steel wrote: »

Dear XX

Listen, I'm really flattered by your last email. The problem is, after all the hassle I had last time I don't want to go down this route with one of my mates. Do you remember all the stress when it happened with XX? I'm not going there again and that's why I won't date mates.

Also (and I'd appreciate your discretion in this please) I've started seeing someone recently - not a WOWer - which I was keeping quiet about. For privacy reasons I always keep a little distance between my online persona and real self so I won't be making it public knowledge.

Can you understand where I'm coming from on this?

otmp

***

This may make him think twice. The trouble with an online persona in these games is that the other players sometimes take your persona at face value or confuse your online persona with the real life you. They think you are someone that you're not. I've found this in the past and it is useful to keep a little mystery and remind the others involved occasionally that they don't know everything about your, only what you allow them to know.

Also - being frank here - he thought nothing to your feelings when he asked you out knowing all the stress you went through last time with someone else. You're worried about letting him down gently. He didn't worry when he threw you into a spin doing exactly what he knows you hates male friends doing. he didn't put you first.

But then I find that is men's confidence (read arrogance) sometimes. They really don't think things apply to them.

Sort of like:

"Oh yes, she had a problem last time, but that was with him. But I'm not him. I'm me. She won't have a problem with me doing it."

I think its important that she doesnt lie to her friends.

Upfront and honest is the best way. If he takes it badly then it becomes his problem, at least she has done all she can to save that friendship.

otmp

Steel wrote: »

Dear XX
But then I find that is men's confidence (read arrogance) sometimes. They really don't think things apply to them.

Sort of like:

"Oh yes, she had a problem last time, but that was with him. But I'm not him. I'm me. She won't have a problem with me doing it."

This is exactly it thank you for putting it in a way thats probably easier to understand than my other post


Ok so I've had another look through all the posts, I'll be clear that I will not lie to him so I've immediately discounted all the bits people have suggested about saying I was seeing someone else. I also don't want to enter into a 'dialogue' so I want to keep this as statements rather than anything ending in ? Also I should probably point out that we talk a lot out of game so I seem him as a friend first and someone I play WoW with second.

I've come up with this final draft:

*REMOVED UPON ADVICE OF DEVARDYSSHADOW*

jackieglasgow

That should do fine, except I would put, "Thank you for your suggestion of a date, however I will have to decline as I think of you as a good friend, and not considered there to be anything more than that between us, not now or in the future."

The bit in bold I think it's important that you actually say, and not just imply. Leaves nothing open to interpretation.

otmp

Thanks :T and it is sent, so phew

DVardysShadow

otmp wrote: »

Thanks :T and it is sent, so phew

Now he can google for it and find out the full list of your assistants.

otmp

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Now he can google for it and find out the full list of your assistants.

Not sure it would even enter his head I might have asked for help, but removed it anyway, if that makes any difference.

Bufger

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Now he can google for it and find out the full list of your assistants.

LOL! that would be hilarious if he started to post on here about what he should do now he's been let down gently.

otmp

Bufger wrote: »

LOL! that would be hilarious if he started to post on here about what he should do now he's been let down gently.

Don't, I'll actually cry, thats the kind of thing that would completely happen to me!

DigitalJedi

Hope you have more luck with him than with a fellow guildie I used to have whom seemed to attach himself to any female who spoke to him. He was also dutch. I tried to explain that when approaching a woman, telling her all about how you are a warrior and how tank mechanics work is perhaps not going to impress them but he lived and breathed the game so it fell on deaf ears.

Last thing I heard was that he flew over from NL, slept with a guildies GF and then gquit when the other guildie took exception to his actions and it caused a right ruckus in /g. The story wouldn't have been so bad but the girl was living with the other guildie and had a child together. Something he knew and seemed to ignore.

And who said Warcraft was boring!

Good luck!

otmp

Hah DigitalJedi, indeed there is never a dull moment. I tend to look on with detached amusement.

Theres a certain girl in our guild who is well known on our server, she was with the GM of my old guild, broke up with him (he ended up on anti depressants), about a year later she ended up with an officer in my new guild, then broke up with him recently for one of his best friends. This happened mid raid, our officer suddenly went offline and our Shaman went AFK without warning only to return in a sulk five minutes later nursing a black eye.

There was /drama a couple of years ago when an English guy on our server moved to Denmark for a lady, they were all engaged for over a year etc and then after a guild meeting in London she basically turned round and told him not to come back as she was in love with his welsh GM.

Its all fun times :rotfl:

Perhaps thats the problem, he plays melee and melee dps mechanics send me to sleep -.-