MIL cant afford to eat bit of a rant...

Primrose

My first reaction on reading your post was "What on earth is your husband doing in all this?" He owes a duty to look after his mother better than this and to sit down with him and give him a good talking to.
Unfortunately your m-i-l sounds as if she's spent her life living in "victim mode" after being let down by her husband. Until she toughens up and starts reading the riot act to her son, there is very little that will change. She should bear in mind that he's now legally an adult and she no longer has a duty to feel, clothe and house him. It's time he grew up. In a way, although it sounds harsh, by giving your m-i-l money and other support, you are merely condoning the current environment.
And where does the third child stand in this situation? Is he/she providing any moral support to your mother in law?
Time to give your OH a kick up the backside and get him acting like a man? If he can't do better than this looking after his mother's interests, how on earth is he going to protect you, if ever a situation arises.
You sound very honourable and kind hearted. Maybe you have to toughen up with your OH, and encourage your m-i-l to toughen up too. And yes, why not persuade her to sell the house and come and live closer to you. But tell her to leave the son behind!

ailuro2

What will happen when she gets caught nicking food at work, as she surely will, is that what it will take for her to get some help? By then her work reputation will be in tatters so she will be stuck at home with an abusive son with no money to pay for his addiction...

Poor woman, would women's aid be able to help her at all, after all she is suffering domestic abuse, albeit from a son instead of a partner.

The people closer to her should be ganging up on the brother and forcing him to get help / leave / help their mother throw him out and force him to get help, even if it means then staying there for a few days till he leaves.

Well done you for caring enough to rant, it does come down to her blood relatives to step in though, preferable the American Football player sized ones.;)

Amber07

Ahh the stories I have heard about WOW

Some addicts don't eat, don't go to work and don't sleep until they are exhausted.

My sister's fiance was addicted, he nearly lost his job beacuse he was up all night playing WOW. She eventually had to give him an ultimatum that he cancelled his subscription or she was leaving him. (luckily he cancelled!)

OP, you sound like such a concerned DIL, and it is nice of you to do a shop for your MIL (can you buy stuff that horrid son doesn't like??)

I can only echo what others have said about her changing to a key meter, and getting a lock for her own door and keeping some food there. Has she tried asking for a contribution from him? It sounds like a daft Q, I know, but some mothers just don't ask for 'digs' money from their grown up kids. She should present him with a list of costs and say she wants X amount from him.

Obviously she will need some back up for that last part...and your OH needs to step up to the mark here and fight his mum's corner (with you supporting him) Can you perhaps stay with her for a few days and help sort things out?

Also...I think her son needs some professional help

MrsTinks

WoW or other online games are nothing but a tool... those addicted to gaming more than likely are actually lucky... because if gaming hadn't been there it could easily be gambling...
WoW and loads of other online game (or in fact forums...) provide a social interaction for a lot of people, for some too much... same as some people drink too much, spend too much or gamble too much...

The problem is that your MIL HAS failed as a parent... the problem was not addressed when it was a minor issue... it's escalated and escalated and now the problem is a huge hormone filled 19 year old boy with anger issues and poor social skills.

The bad news is that until your MIL and OH are willing to address the situation as a united front... chances are nothing you do or say will do anything but antagonise the situation sadly...

babyshoes

As others have said, this is really your OH's issue to deal with, you need to stay one step removed if at all possible, otherwise if anything goes wrong the blame will fall squarely on you, as a non-blood relative. What you can do, is make your OH see how important this is to you and persuade him to take some action!

daska

Perhaps you could start by printing out this thread and giving it to your OH?

Both your MIL and BIL need help, this is domestic abuse.

lorietta

Wow is SO adictive. I had a friend who played on it really heavily, messing up his first year of sixthform. Luckily he no longer plays, but these games are an outlet for boys (and it is mostly boys/men) who feel socially isolated. They are so expensive to run, and it's really unfair on your MIL she has to deal with this. Short term, I would say the solution would just be to cut him off "cold turkey".

Long term, you need to find a way to challenge his social phobias to get him out of the house and into work or education

cheepskate_2

From what you have wrote, your MIL doesnt seem to want to change the sit too much.

Im confused "he eats all her food while she is out" I dont understand this if he eats all the food then why would MIL not buy in daily/ every few days , but would rather thieve food from her work.

I would confirm what others have said and stay well out of this , sometimes people moan so much about a sit. but in reality they dont really want to change things

I dont understand this bit.

but because her son is such a complete loser she doesnt get a reduction in CT

Im assuming it is council tax?? He doenst work so should be a reduction.

South_2

Have you tough about yourself, your OH and his sister and MIL confronting the problem with a family conference to point out the position to him It seems that everyone sees the problem, and is scared to tackle the situation alone

Tackling the issue on a united front might have more effect than everyone tip toeing around the situation. It's not going to get better by adjusting your MILs circumstances by her going on holiday, or staying at your house. The problem will still be there when she gets back

I don't think cutting of the electric and food supply will help, at least, not without potential consequences for your MIL.

Not sure what the situation would be about him being over 18 and not moving out of the house, but surely as a 'responsible' adult, he can only stay at the house with your MILs consent?

SUESMITH_2

i really feel for you - the guy that used to be my boss got addicted to wow and wings of valour - a ww1 flying game, he even went to america to meet the friends he played with online - trouble is a;; the battles were played during the night. in the end he got demoted because he never came to work - with me promoted to being in charge of him and then he got sacked because of it and other issues, he also stopped washing and being in a small room on a hot day with him required lots of breath holding.

after he was sacked all he did was sit at home and play - he didnt even eat.

horrible things these games, reminds me of better than life that was a fictional game on red dwarf