MIL cant afford to eat bit of a rant...

lolababy

Hi It sounds as if he has mental health problems and maybe the gp could refer him to the mental health team. As for your mother in law she really needs to be taught how to be assertive.
Your brother in law needs a man to talk to him, ie, your o/h and to lay a few ground rules down.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I would notify adult social services. You don't have to leave your name, just let them know exactly how she is living in fear of violence, not allowed to eat, etc, etc and nobody in family will help her as they protect him instead.

Even get her to come to you and then apply to your local council as homeless as a domestic violence escapee. It's not as if the fat **** could run after her demanding more food, internet and attention now, is it?

If a husband is violent, a wife is not expected to stay there and fight it out for the house, so I can't see that the council will say they don't have to help - and I'm sure you'll be there to help her out in any case to ensure they don't deem her to be intentionally homeless.

Other than that, I would suggest cutting the power one dark night and waiting outside his pit with a length of 2 by 4, but I suspect reality makes this somewhat unlikely.

BTW, are we absolutely sure that he's only on WoW and not an altogether more inappropriate type of website here? It is reasonable to mention your discomfort here to SS as well.

But keep anonymous with SS - don't even tell your OH, so when the stuff hits the fan, 'well I never, who would have thought they would notice the problems? That GP must be very smart'.

Emmzi

you don't need to cut all the power. you just have to stop paying for internet. and then go on holiday for a fortnight.

Bufger

get her to give me her address and i'll go round and give the big geek a kick up the backside!

World Of Warcraft is one of those games that has literally ruined peoples lives. If this dude cant see that its not only his life he's wasting then he's not worth having around. Get her to up and move and force him to move out and get a job (not you personally but do it as a whole family).

I would talk to your OH and suggest a family meeting about it. Dont get yourself involved visually (ie dont be seen to be the one instigating the whole thing as you're not blood related and there will be resentment towards you for it). All meet without the larda$$ and discuss the mothers situation/lifestyle etc, all agree a plan of action and most importantly - ALL IMPLEMENT THAT TOGETHER. If you're all united the lazy one wont have much of a say in it at all.

pukkamum

This sounds a little like my mil and her youngest son, BUT the fact is she doesn't want him to work, she wants him at home with her keeping him as her 'baby' dependant on her for everything.
He too is massively overweight with no friends etc all, i feel as a result of my mil skewed parenting.
Could it be the case with your mil?
After all with you 100 miles away no husband etc is she not scared of being alone and sees allowing her son to do what he wants a way of keeping him?
I know this is certainly the case with my mil.

tesuhoha

One small point that strikes me - what food is he eating? Is he cooking the raw ingredients and eating them i.e. if she bought raw stewing steak would he eat that or is she buying ready cooked stuff? If that is the case perhaps she should buy liver or rabbit or something that would not appeal to him. If he is eating cooked stuff then she should buy raw ingredients and cook them when she comes home from work.

Bufger

tesuhoha wrote: »

One small point that strikes me - what food is he eating? Is he cooking the raw ingredients and eating them i.e. if she bought raw stewing steak would he eat that or is she buying ready cooked stuff? If that is the case perhaps she should buy liver or rabbit or something that would not appeal to him. If he is eating cooked stuff then she should buy raw ingredients and cook them when she comes home from work.

This is a very good point. If she's just buying a weeks worth of poptarts im not suprised he's eating her out of house and home.

I started to eat all of my OH's nice chocolate when we moved in together, she solved that by buying orange and mint chocolate as her treat :mad:

margaretclare

The explanation finally came - Bufger above - as to what WOW means. I didn't know. Thank you.

Just a warning. Stealing food from work is theft and is a sackable offence. Instant dismissal. I knew of a nurse who was sacked for this, taking an uneaten sausage off a patient's plate when the plates were collected in. Draconian, maybe, but your MIL is running a terrible risk.

bargainbetty

Before you do anything, you have to speak to your MIL. You cannot help someone unless they want to be helped. Calling the police about his violence will do nothing if she refuses to press charges - unless an officer witnesses the act they cannot take action without her consent. If you call the GP, they will not talk to you anyway - it would have to be her as his next of kin, and again, she may refuse to back it up.

My mother made it very clear to me that I had three choices - I got a job and paid house-keeping or I handed over every penny of benefits I received should I not have a job or I could go someplace else and try my luck. I paid house-keeping and told her about every pay raise so she could work out how much extra I owed her each time.

However, not everyone is like my mum. If your MIL isn't, then your actions might cause more problems than just p*ssing off your BIL.

Good luck x

paulwf

OP I don't think my previous replies are so useful with the extra info given. Do you think the brother is actually capable of going out to work? If not what do you think would be the best way forward?