MIL cant afford to eat bit of a rant...

claireac

This could so easily have been my son (apart from WoW), but I put my foot down and got him a job!!

I know you want to sort it out, but I really don't feel it's your place, and in any case anything you do will cause trouble unless it's what your mil wants. At the end of the day, it's an abusive relationship, and your mil won't/can't change it until she actually wants to.

I like the idea of her coming to stay with you. It would give her a break, feed her up and she'll see what life in a normal setting is like. Maybe this would give her the incentive to change things.

Personally if I were her I would have kicked said son out.......but it's easier said than done.

WoW is taking a bit of a slating lol. My dh plays WoW and has done for many years. It's not the be all and end all and family comes first, but he enjoys it, it's one of his hobbys.

shoppaholic_returns

You seem like such a caring girl! I feel so sorry for you and your MIL, your'e correct, OH really needs to grow a pair,if fat boy was thrown out on the street by his brother, he might have to do actually do something.

I think the whole country is suffering from the scurge of these lazy layabouts who are getting paid to do absolutely s*d all! I truly don't know how they do it or would want to do it?

If we MADE them do something in return for their dole money,they would have to get off of their fat lazy ar*es!!!!

Why should they get something for nothing, while others suffer?? Its time this country got a grip and taught these wasters some morals and values!!:mad:

MissMotivation

I'm surprised no-one has mentioned "enabling" link here.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enabling

What I'm wondering is, if the Mother didn't provide a home for him to live in, rent free! Provide electricity so he can be on-line all day, for free! Provide food so he can survive, for free! What would he do?

If he was my Son I would throw him out and let him live in the real world where he would quickly realise that you don't get anything in this world, for free!

meg72

What a lovely caring DIL you are but I would strongly advise you to stay out of this one.

You say you know MIL does not want to move and does Not want to kick him out. Your MIL is an adult and only she can change this situation if she wants to.

Seems to me that she doesn`t and I think some of the coments about your OH are very unfair. What is he expected to do. Hes clearly in a no win situation here as his Mum dosent want any action taken.

Sadly some Mums do enjoy playing the poor me , what I have to put up with role
and will strongly resist any effort to change things on her behalf. Whilst at the same time causing distress to other family members by confiding I cant afford to eat, I am having to steal food etc.This a form of emotional blackmail.

I would advise that you have a talk with your MIL , tell her that you care deeply for her and will do anything to help her if she wants it. Then leave it at that because if you take any action that she sees as coming between her and her BABY
there will be trouble and will result in distress for you and your Oh.

In the meantime I would not send food you cannot afford. Whats to stop her Son
eating that as well or her giving it to him.

Good luck and loads of hugs for you and your OH it cannot be easy.

Mupette

hmmm i think maybe he needs to be reached from the inside..

Whats his character name and what server is he on, maybe us wow players should log in and has a nice chat with him.

Although this would mean reactivating my account and spending where i really can't right now, unless someone out there has an active account?

Pee

It is up to your Mother in law where she chooses to live and how she chooses to interact with her children.

The truth is that whilst you see him doing little or nothing, to her he is probably her dear baby and she would be very sad if he moved out.

I would make an effort to take her out for meals every month - doesn't have to be expensive - when you do visit her and perhaps look at stocking the cupboards with food that he doesn't like and won't eat, maybe pasta and tinned tomatoes some garlic puree etc.

margaretclare

bargainbetty wrote: »

Before you do anything, you have to speak to your MIL. You cannot help someone unless they want to be helped. Calling the police about his violence will do nothing if she refuses to press charges - unless an officer witnesses the act they cannot take action without her consent. If you call the GP, they will not talk to you anyway - it would have to be her as his next of kin, and again, she may refuse to back it up.

My mother made it very clear to me that I had three choices - I got a job and paid house-keeping or I handed over every penny of benefits I received should I not have a job or I could go someplace else and try my luck. I paid house-keeping and told her about every pay raise so she could work out how much extra I owed her each time.

However, not everyone is like my mum. If your MIL isn't, then your actions might cause more problems than just p*ssing off your BIL.

Good luck x

There used to be more mums around like this. In fact, time was, the majority of mums were like this - and dads too. Paying all the outgoings on a house has not got any cheaper over the years, quite the reverse. So why do healthy young adults who are not in education or employment, imagine that they can live for free?

It wasn't known in my generation. You left school, you got a job.

Mupette

DS and me were chatting about what he wanted to do next summer (2011) when he finishes school, have hinted lots about staying on.

He wants to stay on in 6th form.

We also discussed that whilst he was in full time education, he will be fine, but if he left then he was then responsible for helping financially around the house, he may only be 15, but I'm making it quite clear now what it will be like. It's not too soon to tell him what you expect, DS knows and it's now down to him what he does, I can only guide him.

slightlyconfused1

I think you need to take a step back.

Your MIL is allowing her son to behave like this. There are great points above ie buying food that needs prepared and buying food on a daily basis. This is much more hassle but at least she will eat.

Perhaps you and or DH should try and speak to BIL about how ill your MIL seems to be - not blame him (or even suggest it is his fault) but look at ways of helping his mum. It will probably not change his behaviour re WOW but it might make him think a bit without risking him losing his temper and taking it out on his Mum. It might even shock him in to noticing what he is doing to her. (probably not but worth a try)

How did you find out that MIL is stealing food. Is it her way of asking for help? I think maybe suggesting a weeks break with you might be a great idea to give her a breathing space and a chance to look at her situation without living in fear.

Savvy_Sue

Action on Elder Abuse.

But it's up to MIL, does she WANT things to change, or not?