Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

greenbee

Butti wrote: »

I ditto Date Night FW, at least once a month, preferably once a fortnight. Don't lose sight of what is important and what needs nuturing.

...free relationship advice from a woman who has only ever got one relationship past 6 months!!!

B

I don't exactly have a great track record myself, but I do take note of what works for those of my friends who have made a success of things, in case I do ever get the opportunity to out the ideas into practice!

savingwannabe

Steve and Andy have just left and Firewalker is back. You have just made me cry and smile at the same time. Nothing can beat you as you are good, honest, strong and open. Do you realise how much everyone loves and values you now? They do at home they were being naughty and taking it for granted. I have lost count of the times you have cheered me up when i needed it. So glad it looks as though things are gonna change.

Parts of this are not all relevant but play it to stay positive and sing this song in your head ok. Can't find the Mr Dylan one but I like Peter, Paul and Mary too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oU7M4OeSRM

Think positive thoughts Firewalker. You have come so far, this is a hurdle you can jump. Your frog for tomorrow my friend is as all the good people have said to put yourself and your feelings first. Rest and do something you want to do for YOU.

All my love, kit.

ani_26

I'm glad you're back, Firewalker, the great. xx


I guess, is'nt the whole of life a journey? Is there ever a destination? Will there ever be a destination? Of course, the final destination of life, will ultimately be death?


I will now skulk back to lurking, as i have no value, as a human being.

Karmacat

Hello FW - glad you got yourself a bit tipsy with some friends - and I'm glad you told the one AO (adult offspring!) that this is a six months trial, and he's the one on trial!

gilligansyle

Marru wrote: »

William put it so well FW - Don't go and do things that you have asked them to do. Go to strike if needs be. But mostly talk to them.

I would definitely second this one, if you've asked for something to be done, reminded them, then just leave it.

ani_26 wrote: »

I will now skulk back to lurking, as i have no value, as a human being.

Was there meant to be some kind of smiley there, or is that really how you feel about yourself?

I haven't been around much, but have read the updates and for what it's worth the important thing is that you and OH don't fall out about it all.

I'm also going to put forward a slightly different viewpoint to the 'they must clean up' one.

With regards to the older sons, some basic ground rules are called for. But please, don't expect things to be done to your standards; for example listing things that must be done on certain days or each week etc. That way lies trouble.
I haven't cleaned my sons room for over 10 years now; there are times when it gets me down, but he tidies it (after a fashion) , puts clothes in a bin bag and takes them to the launderette, and both of us can accept that. Sometimes he decides to *really* tidy it, and then I will help him, but no way will I do it. Same goes for the slobbing round. I once went on strike, refused to pick up crisp packets etc. he soon got the message He just doesn't see what needs doing and I was much happier when I accepted that fact.

He is currently unemployed too, and looking for work. He can't contribute, because he has no JSA, but he does the *big* things like clear the yard. He does odd jobs round the house, makes cups of tea and toast when requested, and while Mum has been ill, he's gone round there every day and made sure she was Ok. To me, that is far more important than being tidy.


***I'll get me coat****

Cheery_Daff

gilligansyle's right - figure out what you can live with and don't set standards above that.

FW, glad you're feeling a little better today I second (third?) date night - we have 'sleepover night' once a week where we turn computers etc off, don't answer the phone, light candles, pour a glass of something (or a cuppa), and get curled up on the sofa and chat about stuff, important and not important. Has done no end of good for us

Butti

I ditto Gilligansyle too.

My house is okay. It's not particularly tidy. The bathroom is always clean, kitchen gets cleaned (like this afternoon) but my bedroom. :eek:

I can hardly criticise others. It's full of coursework and stuff that used to be in another house and I 'haven't got round to sorting'. It's a bit of a disaster. That will have to be my frog for this afternoon!

The point is I could invite people round and provided they didn't want to go in my bedroom the house would be tidyish and clean. They could use the loo without losing the contents of their stomach, infact hopefully they would like my tiling.

One problem with having things messy and particularly on the floor is how it affects your feng shui. I find stuff on the floor particularly depressing - it literally drags your energy down. So for unemployed son it would do him good to try and get stuff off the floor and at least away in cupboards. Is there also any possibility of him getting work experience in the area he wants to work in. My recommendation would be to arrange it around his signing in day and don't tell the Benefits Office because they are a complete pain about these things and ultimately it is just about trying to get yourself off the dole!

B

MrsMoo2U

Wise words Gill. As I said when we were kids we did have deadlines to our communal jobs but it was up to us to work out when to do them by and to learn to fit them around our other things such as homework and enjoyment. I never saw it as being taught how to get on in life but I do see that now. Not sure if that was what was intended but it worked. As for the cleaning of room and washing of clothes, our parents never entered our room (it was seen as a respect for privacy thing that none of us went into each others rooms without knocking or being invited) and so they said if we wanted to live in a mess that was our decision but they would not clean up for us. I soon learned that if my clothes were not in the washing basket I would be going out dirty!!! Oh and I did my own ironing if not my own washing.

FW I would agree that you also should think about accepting their standards rather than expecting everything to your standards as you will find yourself redoing the jobs and resenting them for that which will end up in more upset.

Karmacat

Oh my word, yes, the standards thing that Gill has written of is *so* true - between partners, as well as parents/offspring.

Triciaxx

Karmacat wrote: »

Oh my word, yes, the standards thing that Gill has written of is *so* true - between partners, as well as parents/offspring.

I've had to learn that the hard way

In the end it is 'our' home, not just 'mine' and I'm sure I drive him as scatty as he does me! We've agreed a 'clutter free' (my description) or 'useful things I've saved, free' (DH description) zone in the sitting room. We've deliberately removed the bookcase from there and there is just a shelf under the coffee table. Anything left lying around ends up in the offenders study! It does make a relaxing room which is important to me.

The main thing is to be consistent and carry through with what you have agreed.