Love but not in Love

seven-day-weekend

Sorry, posted before I sawe the bit about the job.

gibboking

I am married to a man who loves me in his own way but it isnt enough for me, we have these chats and he tells me what i want to hear and then everything goes back to the way it was.
I look at my mum and dads marriage and that is how i want to be, they have both got their own lives but they have lots of interests together too. they have come through some tough times and love each other very much.
But i can see us ending up like his parents, always in debt, never ever go out unless a family party is on they even holiday seperatley, we are practically there already apart from the holiday thing.
I have told my husband this (manytimes) but he seems happy the way things are.

mrcow

beverleyhills wrote:

If not, you could seek counselloring from Relate on your own and talk to someone who can be objective about your feelings.

Absoluely.

Relate are there for all they types of problems. Take a look at their web site for offices in your area.

Ups and downs are part of any relationship. No one has a "perfect" time of it, life is often hard and we forget what it is that we want to be doing and concentrate on what we feel we should be doing.

If you are unhappy with your weight, then lose that three stone. It's not hard if you are determined and it will help with your confidence.

I also think that your husband spends too much time away from you. Where is your time spent together? Without children/ other people/ the house etc? You need to make time foreach other. It's what best friends do

Changing his job is a drastic measure, but if it's going to save the relationship and keep your family together, then it's what needs to be done.

Can you get some time away together (just the three of you?) and share some quality time together?

You also need to be rebuilding the bridges with your old friends. You never really lose real friends, they'll still be thre for you. What things interest you? As I think also that some time away from the home would help? Maybe a part time college course?

Emmzi

do what you want to. dance if you want to. get fit again. see friends. have fun.

become the sparkly you that you know you can be; he'll change, or he'll lose you. Make sure he knows exactly what he'll be losing.

rchddap1

It takes 2 people to make a relationship a good one. If one of you isn't happy then no matter how much he tries to ignore it things will collapse eventually.

Breaking up isn't necessarily a bad thing for a child. So don't worry yourself about that. My partner split from his ex when his daughter was 6 ish. She still remembers the arguements that her parents use to have. Now she sees them both as happy people who are both enjoying their lives. Her mum and Dad are both happy. They laugh, smile and generally enjoy life. This gives her the confidence to be herself and to enjoy her life. The fact that she's got 2 sets of family now (ie two sets of b'day and xmas pressies) may help also.

Sounds to me as if you have already made your decision, but just don't know how to go about it....or are scared to take things further. If things always stay the same after your chats then you need to start to take action and to put a plan together. Start to sort yourself out, and tell him the plan and the dates involved. If nothing else this will make him realise that if he really does love you that he has to do something about it.

Only you know what you want. However, the longer you sit on your hands and wait for things to happen to you the harder it is going to get. You have a right to be happy and to love and be loved.

You already know what it is you want, but simply need to find the courage and determination to see things through.

You can do it.

Good luck

gibboking

I would go to relate or the like but there is no way oh would.
I dont want to give up on my marriage but i am also really tired of trying and nothing changing.
my friend offered us the chance to go to liverpool over the bank holiday as it is her birthday and her mum can get half price rooms. My friends family will be going and some of her friends but she said that we can come along have the cheap room and do as we please, go with them if we want or spend some time together on our own (my sister said she would have little one) but he doesnt want to go, it is fishing season and he doesnt want to miss a competition. So iam thinking about going on my own but i am worried that it will make me want the single life too as my friend and her friends are all single and will be going on the pull. I wouldnt cheat on my husband, but it may influence my choices about my marriage.

lisa_75

I have to say that the early years when my kids were young were the toughest ever in our relationship. Marriage is not easy and there are always problems. If it is not money, it is drink or other women, or family problems. There is always something. The trick is to count your blessings. If a man is not violent or sleeping around try and make it work. To find a man who is prepared to work hard to keep his family is a blessing. Do you really think you would be better off alone? You would still be skint but would have to deal with a 2 year old who has just had their world blown apart by their parents spiltting.

Look to the future. In a few years your little one will be grown and things get much easier. Money problems can ruin a marriage. I know, we are going through it at the moment and sometimes I just want to run away. My kids stop me though as my husband would have to do something pretty serious for me to take away their stable life with 2 parents. I know it is old fashioned but I made those vows. For better or worse.

You sound unhappy with your whole life and you are blaming it on marriage. Try to work on yourself. Get a hobby, go back to college, do volunteer work. Only you can make yourself happy, not a marriage or children.

lisa_75

gibboking wrote:

I would go to relate or the like but there is no way oh would.
I dont want to give up on my marriage but i am also really tired of trying and nothing changing.
my friend offered us the chance to go to liverpool over the bank holiday as it is her birthday and her mum can get half price rooms. My friends family will be going and some of her friends but she said that we can come along have the cheap room and do as we please, go with them if we want or spend some time together on our own (my sister said she would have little one) but he doesnt want to go, it is fishing season and he doesnt want to miss a competition. So iam thinking about going on my own but i am worried that it will make me want the single life too as my friend and her friends are all single and will be going on the pull. I wouldnt cheat on my husband, but it may influence my choices about my marriage.

I would say go. Spending time with my single friends and seeing what the single life is really life makes me value my marriage even more. Getting chatted up by drunken prats all night really makes me appreciate being married.

rchddap1

Missed that bit.....definately go. Enjoy yourself. Relax. Some time away may help to clear your mind.

gibboking

I have a job, I am currently doing a course in playwork, i sell avon, I deliver takeawys some evenings and i also give my elderly neighbours and grandparents lifts to hospital appointments, shopping etc.
I go to the gym 3 times a week (more if i can), walk the dogs everyday, sometimes clean my mums house as a thankyou for looking after me and my son.
I start a fulltime job in september so i will have to reorganise myself as i enjoy doing all of the above.
I just feel like Iam on my own in this relationship and dont know how else to encourage hubby to see things my way or even make some suggestions.
He has to work away as we need the money and there are no local jobs that pay as well (i do look in the local paper every week).
I look forward to him coming home mainly so that my son can spend sometime with his dad and i can get some peace!