advice wanted re;daughter going to see dad on weekends

bonjovibel_729

daska wrote: »

Don't base it entirely on homework, she needs the social life as well and it doesn't take many refused invitations to find that they start to dry up a bit. "oh there's no point inviting melanie cos she can never come, I'll invite tania instead". (I have that t-shirt - DSD had weekly contact at one point, she ended up with no social life at all.)

If she writes and he still won't discuss how they can compromise then take it to a solicitor. (If your ex doesn't get legal aid you may find that one letter is enough.) Personally I'd be starting the process now so that the flexibility is already in place for her to start forging the new relationships she will have to make at secondary school.

hiya thanks but not really sure how to compromise the only way i can see she can meet her friends and dad on the same weekend is if he picks her up on a sat instead of friday which he has point blank refused to do and even my solicitor wasnt keen on the idea when i mentioned it during the mediation process we had..

i do actually remember when i was in skool my mum was quite strict and wouldnt allow me out much and yes the invitations did start to dry up after a while and do no want this happening to dd ...when did parenting become this hard lol

mernieth

so, let her dad take her when she wants to do something else - he will soon learn that a sulking teen is no fun. just make sure she knows its not your fault - but his.

Oldernotwiser

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I personally think both of them should compromise. As someone else has said, it's not as though the disco has only just been known about, is it?

However, he is the adult and should be setting her an example of HOW to compromise.

This seems to me to be the crucial point,that it takes two to compromise. Most people seem to be using the word as if only one person can do it on his own.

daska

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

This seems to me to be the crucial point,that it takes two to compromise. Most people seem to be using the word as if only one person can do it on his own.

Yes it does, but there is no opportunity for the daughter to come to a compromise if she isn't even allowed to discuss a change. This isn't about him giving up all his time with her, it's about his recognising that she is growing up and responding to her changing needs.

OP, maybe she needs to visit him every weekend for a bit

littlemissmoney

Steel wrote: »

My BIL is divorced and his only daughter comes over some weekends out of the month. From the word go, she was often told she could bring a friend or two with her if she wanted, which sometimes she does, and as she's got older their time together has clashed with things like discos or meals out with her friends on their birthday. Instead of grumping, he's become part of it. He gets drinks (no not alcoholic! She's only 14) and snacks in while they run around excitedly getting ready and then takes them to where they are going and picks them back up. There then ensues a girly sleep over. Because he's a part-time photographer, they get him to take photos of them preparing for the night out so they can post on facebook and email their other mates.

I'm not sure I'd want my 14 year old daughter staying over at a blokes house where he was talking photo of her getting ready to put on facebook :eek: I'm sure it's all perfectly innocent, but this guy needs to be careful how it looks!

bonjovibel_729

thanks for all the replies and help everyone the ex has finally agreed they can go after much nagging and crying from my daughters i dont understand why he had to put them through all that but hey who am i to judge...it just reminded me of the reasons we split up in the first place.....inm going to take them (wouldnt want him to be put out too much would i ;)and then hes going to pick them up at my house after the disco....just got the next disco to contend with now lol

74jax

Once this one is out of the way and all has calmed? down, I'd maybe discuss what is going to happen in the future.

If you wait until it crops up again he may be annoyed and un-helpful. Best to point out she will be getting invites etc all the more now and how can you ALL look at this. Yes she will have to miss some but he will also have to allow her to go to some.