Hypno's "just for today" diary of rediscovery.

Souk08

Hypno, what would you like to change/do differently. If you think about that then maybe you can think if it's achievable and over what time scale...on the other hand if it's not achievable then maybe it's time to let it go? Just an idea.

Mine is I would like to fit into Cheryl Cole's jeans...that will never happen so I just need to get on with it!!!!

hypno06

Its' just not as easy as deciding what I want - I have said all of that in the past, I want a tidy house, I want to be back in my size 12 jeans, I want a holiday in the sun.........but right now I would just like to know where I am heading. Since OH left, I have felt completely lost at times, as a person. The change has to be huge, you can't just slip into the same life but on your own, and on the basis that there was obviously something *wrong* about the last few years, I shouldn't expect to want the same. Trying to always keep a brave face on it when the children are about, trying to ensure that everything remains as stable as possible so as not to create undue pressure in the middle of GCSEs, and at the same time, trying to discover who I really am, not who I have been for the last 20 years.

I know I've done well as far as the debt goes, I know that I am incredibly lucky to at least have the chance to keep a decent roof over our heads, by having a good job, etc. I know I am blessed to be healthy, and with healthy children. But I just feel so up in the air, it somehow feels like it undoes all of that, when I know, logically, that is not the case at all.

It is difficult to explain, but that'll have to do!!

Nargleblast

Well done on the weight loss and the debt loss, Hypno, from over 100 grand to under ten grand in about 3-4 years is not bad going. You are on the home straight now, so keep plodding on and everyone will administer the odd virtual bar of chocolate/kick up the Khyber where needed! It won't be long now till you find yourself posting on the Debt Free Roll of Honour.

taxi73

Where do you want to head?...that is the main point when you wrote that post YOU WROTE YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU'RE HEADING....you can mould your life into virtually anything you want.....what can you picture for yourself as your ideal happy self...

tenmah

I get what you are saying Hypno about not knowing who you are after a breakup of a relationship. I had being seeing my ex for 4 and a half years when he finished with me saying he couldn't give emotionally to a relationship anymore. A few months down the line he is seeing someone else!

I am left feeling what is it that is so wrong about me, what did I do, what didn't I do but I also know that really he was the one with the problem not me - still hurts though!!

Buffythedebtslayer

hypno06 wrote: »

Its' just not as easy as deciding what I want - I have said all of that in the past, I want a tidy house, I want to be back in my size 12 jeans, I want a holiday in the sun.........but right now I would just like to know where I am heading. Since OH left, I have felt completely lost at times, as a person. The change has to be huge, you can't just slip into the same life but on your own, and on the basis that there was obviously something *wrong* about the last few years, I shouldn't expect to want the same. Trying to always keep a brave face on it when the children are about, trying to ensure that everything remains as stable as possible so as not to create undue pressure in the middle of GCSEs, and at the same time, trying to discover who I really am, not who I have been for the last 20 years.

I know I've done well as far as the debt goes, I know that I am incredibly lucky to at least have the chance to keep a decent roof over our heads, by having a good job, etc. I know I am blessed to be healthy, and with healthy children. But I just feel so up in the air, it somehow feels like it undoes all of that, when I know, logically, that is not the case at all.

It is difficult to explain, but that'll have to do!!

I was just saying to my friend on the phone that sometimes all these changes happen and yet you carry on doing the same stuff, you know logically you have to, it does after all keep food on the table bills paid etc but it doesn't actually feel like you. The "why and what" is all practical and responsible and done out of love. Working out who you are gets sidelined and is difficult to do when you are caught up in the every day life stuff. It is important though, for sanity for understanding and progress, but how many of us have time for such self reflection? plus which when generally things are going so well (debts down, house kids etc) you feel like a right prat for even thinking like that.

ho hum.

congrats on being sub by the way and I am glad I am not the only one who goes in to depression after a big pay out/milestone. makes no sense!

xxx

beanielou

Mini rant frae beanie.
Why do Santander take so so long to update CRA files.
DOnt they realise that I paid off the bleeping card last month & they have still not updated for two months ago far less last month.Gaaaahhhhh.

tenmah

Sorry I am not so good with words as every one else on here - what I was trying to say is that it knocks your confidence when something like that happens especially without a good and tangible explanation so it is understandable that we look within ourselves and worry about what we have done and also what our future is going to be like. It is scary but with the support of people on here, which is just great, I think you can do anything you want to once you put your mind to it, but you have to allow yourself time to reflect and grieve for what was and what might have been!!

hypno06

I'll bet they are quick enough to update anything negative, beanie! I hope that it gets updated for you soon.

In_my_dreams

Wow sub £10k, that's amazing! Hugs for all the other stuff x