Marriage - do I stay or do I go..?

sarahs999

Marriages need to be worked at. It sounds like he's doing all the work at the moment.

For better or for worse, remember. You may need a little counselling to get you to see what you have, but as far as I can see from your post you just have boredom issues. How's your career? Hobbies? Shake them up a bit. Go salsa dancing with your husband. Book a weekend away somewhere wild.

Don't walk away just because you're a bit bored. really. It's just a terrible thing to do to your daughter. Don't ruin two people's lives for no reason.

Mupette

Your hubby by your own admission is making great efforts to be a better person for you.

What are you doing to be a better person for him?

Zazen999

newstart2010 wrote: »

My OH is a lovely, kind hearted man,

Lucky you - I've got one of these and they are a rare breed. Think very carefully before you let him slip out of your hands; but if you can't work out what to do with him - let him at least go and find someone who will.

ninky_2

i think your OH sounds like a lovely person and deserves more than you seem able to give him.

by your own admission he can't do anymore, can he?

so it is all down to you.

the poor guy will be heartbroken if you leave but at least he will have a chance to meet someone who appreciates him.

i'd also say that love has different phases. it's not all pit of the stomach and butterflies. once the chemical attraction has done it's job there is a deeper emotion that comes into play. i think maybe some people aren't capable of truly loving in that way.

did you ever really love him do you think?

Proc

So you've already left him once and returned, now you're doing it again?

You say he's a great guy, done nothing wrong, making massive effort etc yet you want to leave him?

I always laugh when I see women moaning "Oh I can never find a nice guy" and rubbish like that. You've got what most people would kill for but it's still not enough for you?

I don't think that he is the problem. He deserves so much better and I hope he comes to his senses soon and goes out to get it.

confusedroast

I find my marriage goes through the rollercoster, sometimes we cant get enough of each other, sometimes we cant stop kisses and cuddles, sometimes I dont want him touching me, sometimes he gets right on my nerves and I feel like I hate him and everything he does gets my goat, I ride that out and then a few days later I cant love him enough!
Its called a relationship....no relationship is easy, whether it be family, a best friend or a partner, the most important part is to realise that its all part of life

That is unless you cant get past the hate him all the time bit and then I would suggest relate....

sarahs999

BTW, I do understand how losing respect/resenting your partner for something can cause a slowburn effect that makes yuo unhappy. I've experienced it wiht my DH. But like your DH, he's a good, kind, wonderful man, and he made the changes that were causing us problems. He's a rock for me and those feelings I had only a few months ago? Melted away.

Do you fancy him? If it's not too personal, what's the sex life been like? Would it help if that had a shake up?

newstart2010_2

Thank you all for your replies, I very much appreciate it.

A general observation seems to be that he has made great efforts to change (which he has), but I don't seem to have done - and there is some truth in that. For the first few weeks, we were both making huge efforts, going out on dates etc, but that has subsided a bit.

We also scheduled in time for sex, as it was very sporadic before, but to be honest I'm beginning to dread it, and I feel terrible for feeling that way. Part of the resentment issue is that he is rather rotund man, and therefore not able to participate much, if you see what I mean, therefore leaving all the 'work' to me. Years of that has left me feeling very dissatisfied.

Another point to make is that I am generally quite unhappy - but am I unhappy because of my marriage, or is my unhappiness affecting my marriage? My job has become very stressful over the last 6 months or so, I have no hobbies as by the time I get home I'm so tired I just put my PJs on, and I'm in bed by 930-10pm.

He, on the other hand, has a cushy job which gets him home anytime between 2-4pm and goes away on average 3 weekends our of 4 to indulge his hobby (which also has a money making aspect) - to be frank, I'm jealous of his life, and wish mine was like it, but it isn't, and isn't likely to be.

I should add that I haven't actually left him before - I threatened to 2 1/2 years ago, but agreed to try again, and quite some time things were okay.

Thanks again for your comments, I look forward to hearing more.

Zazen999

Would changing your job help?

Mupette

Have you told him your not entirely satisfied in the bedroom department?

Time to spice it up a bit, nothing wrong with a bit of a belly, you can work around that, also remember its just to satisfy you, are you satisfying him? ask him.