Marriage - do I stay or do I go..?

newstart2010_2

Oh, and we're going away for the weekend next week - can't wait!!

JoW123

Really pleased for you. Hope it continues to go well, as believe me, ending a relationship and starting again on your own is heart-breaking. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Having said that a couple of weeks ago and after being on my own for 6 months I did discover that I was still 'alive' with the help of a very good friend....;)

roger196

Make a list of the five things you really like about him and the five things you hate. Get him to do the same and swop lists. Try to agree on an item for improvement, how that improvement will be measured and the time frame for that improvement to be achieved. Rank the items in order of priority and mutually decide which should be tackled first. Schedule a day and time for review at monthly intervals.

Pixiechic

Hi newstart2010,

I am pleased to read your update. Good luck!

rosered1963

Newstart - you have had some really thoughtful comments on here - so pleased to hear things are improving.

I was just thinking - exercise is a great stress reliever - if your OH is a little overweight and you are under stress from your demanding job, could you maybe take up some physical activity together, like badminton, running or hillwalking? It's quite bonding as well. My husband is young, fit and athletic, and I am middle aged and overweight, but we do exercise type things together and it always makes us relaxed and happy and able to talk etc. Good luck in the future.

epsilondraconis

Great news NewStart2010.

Perhaps we should each be taking on board some of the wonderful advice in this thread.

Great work MSErs - another satisfied customer (well, certainly in the bedroom department anyway).:grouphug:

74jax

epsilondraconis wrote: »

Great work MSErs - another satisfied customer (well, certainly in the bedroom department anyway).:grouphug:

Made me laugh

Well done and good luck, but don't just fall back now into thinking it's ok as you'v had a good week. Please please see that if this week is good then next week can be and so can next month.

Don't also put the pressure on HIM to make YOU happy. What you doing to make YOU happy and also to make HIM happy. He could get fed up and walk away and none of us want to see that happen.

Keep us posted!

jakem_2

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Your man sounds incredibly selfish. Goodness only knows what he was like before you gave him a kick up the wotsit and threatened to leave him a couple of years ago.

He has a less stressful job than yours and works less hours. Nevertheless, he goes off most weekends to indulge his hobby - how nice for him!

The most telling information is about his attitude to sex, where he expects you to do all the work - he doesn't do any 'giving' and he gives little thought to satisfying your needs, just his own. I can understand why you find him a big turn-off - it's hardly making love, is it?

He may have mended some of his selfish ways but it sounds like he's still got a long way to go.

I think I'd move into a spare room and start thinking of myself as 'separated' and independent of him.

The next thing I'd do would be to work on gaining more leisure time. This might mean that hubby will have to give up at least one of his weekends, so that I could go out. I'd make plans to get away from it all - go away with my daughter somewhere, taste a new hobby, join a walking group, meet friends for lunch and go the cinema or the theatre - whatever, it doesn't matter. It doesn't sound like you have much of a life beyond work and home and it's a shame that you haven't got more time to exercise other parts of your character, interests, intellect and personality.

You can make these small steps NOW, without having to leave him immediately. Start thinking of yourself as a free, independent woman with a child who comes first and who does not have to answer to or look after anyone else.

Your husband can take care of himself - he's used to putting himself first and he has a lot more time to do it in.

Good luck with it! :beer:

I love reading your replies, you always hit the nail on the head. :T

gratefulforhelp_2

OP if you leave him, whats to say that somewhere down the line you don't feel the same about the new man you meet?

Pigpen is right, marriage is peaks and troughs. Are there never, ever, any peaks?

charlea

i would agree with this but i would also add that if you are not happy yourself first and how your life is going ect then how can you expect someone else to make you happy

you have to be happy first and foremost withyourself and your life and be contented
once you are happy everthing else will probably fall into place with very little effort

Errata wrote: »

I don't want to suggest anyone hangs onto a nice guy, regardless, but I do think that women need to understand what
leaving a marriage can mean for many of them.
There are nice blokes around, but the pool gets smaller and smaller as time goes by. It's important to realise that the nice blokes that are left may not be attracted to a woman who may be looking for one.