On Local Rent Allowance - can't afford house and can't afford to move!! HELP PLEASE!

savvy

starbella2004 wrote: »

Is anyone else having such a nightmare and such a !!!! life???

Yep, am in a similar situation actually.

starbella2004 wrote: »

I suppose I could speak to a solicitor but we never got married so I don't suppose that will work which is annoying as when I had money I supported him on many occasion by paying some of his debts, the whole rent and bills etc etc. Now the tables have turned he's got very protective of his £40,000 payoff! As you can probably tell, things are not great between us which is why I know he wouldn't have the kids more to let me work more. He's incredibly unreliable.

You should be able to see a solicitor under legal aid although most do the first hour free anyway, and it's absolutely fine that you weren't married as is the case with me.

starbella2004

Yes Savvy, that's true. I'd be worried though because when I recently went to the CSA to try to get him to increase his maintenance payments inline with what they recommend, he claims he was SO upset that he'd heard from the CSA that he started 4 days worth of hate campaign against me - sending threatening and nasty emails. He sent me the automated responses of many organisations such as the benefit department saying I was a benefit cheat (which I am most certainly not) and I know he sent them as like I say, he forwarded me these organisations automated email responses. When I contacted the police to see if it was harassment, they wanted to arrest him for it. I stopped them fearing a further backlash so they just phoned him and cautioned him instead. He's not a horrible or bad person but he's very capable of doing serious damage either physically or emotionally to someone who he loves who he feels let him down. It's a VERY complicated one!

Hence the reason why I don't really want to go to a solicitor to start another battle!! Thank you for the thought though.

savvy

I have to say I was in fear of my ex but for other reasons, 13 years later in this lengthy battle I view him in a completely different light and wish I hadn't been so scared and sorted this mess out a LOT sooner.

My friend is going through a similar thing to what you describe there with her ex husband, 18 months later I'm just about getting her to realise that it's a control mechanism for a very immature little boy and nothing more! Look at your children, THEY are what you need to focus on and not what he may make you feel by his pathetic attempts to control you, if you allow it to affect you sort it by getting counselling. Your children need food and a home and if it means upsetting the childish brat to get that then so be it, he's showing himself up not you at the end of the day, it IS harrassment and he should be made to realise that he needs to grow a pair and start becoming a real man in life!

Jowo_2

starbella2004 wrote: »

Thank you Chesky369. I've had a number of sessions with the Consumer Credit Counselling service and they conclusion was I go bankrupt. Doesn't sit well with me though - I'd rather try to honour my debts at some point - although certainly cannot at this point in time.

Assuming that CCC are experts at giving advice for free to those with credit issues, why on earth would you reject their advice?

Jowo_2

starbella2004 wrote: »

... he started 4 days worth of hate campaign against me - sending threatening and nasty emails. ... When I contacted the police to see if it was harassment, they wanted to arrest him for it. I stopped them fearing a further backlash.... he's very capable of doing serious damage either physically or emotionally to someone who he loves who he feels let him down. It's a VERY complicated one!

Hence the reason why I don't really want to go to a solicitor to start another battle!! Thank you for the thought though.

So like with the CCC and applying for a council house, you are once again rejecting advice of expert/specialist organisations and authorities that want to protect your best interests, including the Police and a solicitor?

This seems to be due out of either pride or fear of your ex who is sitting on a 40k nest egg while you struggle to feed and house your kids?

I don't doubt that he is intimidating but his manipulation is proving to be very successful strategy for him as its paralysing you and forcing you to be unecessarily disadvantaged.

Please do not let pride or fear stop you from calling Womens Aid who can also support and assist you - domestic abuse isn't about being physically attacked but involves psychological, emotional and financial abuse, too, including the non-violent pressure tactics, controlling behaviour and harassment of the type you've described.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

They will advise you of your rights and may be able to find you emergency/temporary housing, stay in your own home or get a civil court order to stop the harassment you've suffered.

chesky369

......why on earth would you reject their advice......

A few times lately I've had to deal with people - sometimes older people, admittedly - who have started off dealing with CCC. Although the personal finance sheets are similar, I;ve been very surprised at some of the figures they've used. So it's come as no surprise to me that their offers to pay have been rejected. So my colleagues and I have had to start again at stage one and go through the whole process again. Also, several people have said that they've been encouraged - even more strong than that - to declare bankruptcy when they've been very reluctant to do that, and in my opinion, unnecessarily.

I think other people do a better job than them, not just my colleagues but people like the Mary Ward debt advice service in central London.

starbella2004

God Jowo - when you put it like that I'm a stubborn woman aren't I! I do try to hang on in there hoping everything will resolve itself by me getting more work or whatever. I think I'm just so in the thick of it all it's hard to really see clearly and act accordingly. I'm going to read over all your responses tonight when the children are in bed and have a long hard think about what it is I need to do. When you've been so independent all your life it's difficult to kind of give in and ask for help I suppose - when all I want is a nice house for my children, a nice life for them and plenty of food for them - that's it!

Thank you all, once again. You're definitely making me think outside my little box!!

Jowo_2

chesky369 wrote: »

......why on earth would you reject their advice......
....

I think other people do a better job than them, not just my colleagues but people like the Mary Ward debt advice service in central London.

Thanks for the feedback, good info there.

Though I'm not familiar with the practices of CCC and alternative sources of free expert advice for debts, I am worried that a mix of stress, personal pride and intimidation is making the OP take the wrong decisions, or reject a course of action in her favour, that can bring her closer to preventing homelessness, resolving her debts and protecting her and her childrens safety. That's my main point.

She seems to be rejecting many suggestions by a whole spectrum of organisations would have been helpful to her, though its not surprising her decision making skills are scrambled at the moment, particularly as she feels threatened.

I am concerned that she will come up with an excuse why she doesn't think Womens Aid is appropriate for her circumstances, or reject the support they offer her. They can help with money, housing and safety issues so span the entire spectrum of her issues.

Here is a short selection of the many indicators of domestic abuse that is listed on the following page that may help the OP understand why I strongly advise that they give her a call as they will understand the complexity of the situation, the pressure she is under and her reluctance to confront the problems she has. Armed with the full facts, they will certainly be much more sympathetic to the OP than the local council who won't bother to see past the arrears and the context that has led to them.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310004

Recognising domestic abuse

"Does your partner constantly belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or insult you in front of other people?

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?

Has your partner ever kept you short of money so you are unable to buy food and other necessary items for yourself and your children?

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, this indicates that you may be experiencing domestic violence"


http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310006

"No one deserves to be abused, and you don't have to put up with it. There are a number of things you can do if you are experiencing violence and abuse from a partner or ex-partner. However, none of these will be easy and none will provide a complete or immediate end to the abuse.

Getting free from abuse is a long process: most women seek help from a number of sources.."

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320005

"If you are thinking about leaving your abusive partner, or have recently separated, you may be worried about how you can support yourself, and your children if you have any with you.

Many women find that their abusive partners have left them with debts."

EDIT: My post crossed with the OPs earlier response above which was unread by myself.

Jowo_2

Is the tenancy in your sole name or in joint names?

Are the debts in your sole name?

By the way, according to Womens Aid link I posted earlier and repost below, there is an opt out option for child maintenance which they detail and an informative section on other benefits, too.

" If you had a joint tenancy with your abusive partner, both of you are legally liable for the arrears"


http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100320005

starbella2004

Well, I'm not 100% sure about the tenancy. He wrote a letter to the managing agents when he moved out two years ago and got me to sign it saying he was taking his name off the tenancy. I have never received a new contract from the agents, although they spoke about doing so 2 years ago - nothing materialised. A solicitor I spoke to a while ago said that meant my ex would still legally be on the contract. I still get letters through from the agents addressed to us both! I gather I'm on a rolling contract or something so either party can give 1 months notice I think.

The debts are all in my name, despite one large one being or a deposit I took out for me and my ex to buy a flat in London. He had bad credit at the time and said he'd pay me every month - he did for a year or so, then it stopped!

Thank you for the link - I'm going to have a look at that now. I really do appreciate your help you know.