On Local Rent Allowance - can't afford house and can't afford to move!! HELP PLEASE!

starbella2004

Crumbs. You say you're not an expert but as far as I can see you've grasped and my entire situation perfectly well. You're absolutely right Jowo. One of the reasons he has a turbulent relationship with his mother is because he knows how close her and I are and that I confide in her about most things. If I've ever mentioned anything to his father in the past he tries to talk to my ex and is then sent to coventry by my ex as well.

I'm definitely going to speak to Womens Aid on Monday.

starbella2004

Yes, good idea I'll have a look at the forum. And I'll call them later tonight then.

Jowo_2

starbella2004 wrote: »

It's so helpful to see all this in black and white. I really could write a book about it all but I've managed to block out loads of it over the years so actually can't remember all of it.

You ain't seen nothing yet...

I've a friend who works professionally in a domestic abuse advisory setting which naturally accepts men and women in straight and gay relationships as their clients. It is not uncommon at all for a man to present himself as a domestic abuse survivor but upon investigation (apparently there is a set process to screen all applicants) it is discovered that they are the perpetrator.

In other words, some abusers are so manipulative, devious, controlling and confident that they try to hurt their partners and conceal their behaviour by pretending to be a victim....

missmontana

Big Up to Jowo for all the fab advice :T

And all the others for their support :A

We'll get you thru this Starbella xxx

starbella2004

I know Miss Montana - Jowo is quite amazing. Everyone has been so unbelievably helpful and I can't tell you how grateful I am. You're so sweet saying you're going to help me through this. I just wish I could help you guys in some way.

Once again Jowo you're so right, often my ex displays all the signs of being the victim and I truly believe he tells anyone who cares to listen that he's been and continues to be so very badly treated by me. That's so interesting what you said.

daska

Well it looks as if I wasn't so far off the mark with the abuse. Starbella I'm glad you're talking about it now and recognising it for what it is, that's the first step in taking back control. I think your next post should be telling us about the conversation you're just about to have with WomensAid.

starbella2004

Thank you Daska. I'll do that shortly.

johnwayne

Crikey! Loads has happened since I last managed to look in.

I am so glad you are getting some great advice.

Women's Aid are excellent and helped my hubbie's cousin a couple of years to ago.

The support worker she had liased with the council and even though she owed rent arrears she was given a property by them as the arrears were mostly due to her violent ex and her situation which was not one she willingly created. I am not sure if all councils take this viewpoint.

By what I have read I have agree that your ex is definitely an abuser!
He sounds an awful lot like my ex who was completely controlling, mentally abusive & also violent.
He could also turn it all around to make people think that I was a terrible person and had the whole village believing that I was a !!!!! going around sleeping with loads of men! What was really the truth was that I finally had a moment where I thought that this was all I was going to take & I left him & took my daughter with me!

Getting rid of him & taking back control was the best thing I ever did as I am now happily married with 3 kids.

Good luck

(I know my username is misleading but I am a she)

starbella2004

Well I've tried Womens Aid on several occasions this evening but they're obviously very busy and it ends up going to voicemail - I guess it's Saturday night!!! Doesn't bear thinking about why they're so busy.

I will 100% call them tomorrow - I'm assuming sunday late mornings may be a little better, and if all else fails they message recommended calling back around 7pm so I'll do that tomorrow night if I can't get through during the day tomorrow.

starbella2004

I'm so sorry I haven't actually acknowledged Savvy who said she's having a pretty *&^^% time at the moment. I'm so sorry to hear that. You've clearly been fighting for years to sort things out. Does sound like you're in a slightly better place right now as you're helping your friend as well, so I'm pleased about that. I hope I've got that right???

And John Wayne - I know and I know I keep saying it, but I NEVER thought I'd get this kind of response from my post on Friday. I've never had experience of this forum before and I honestly thought I'd get maybe one or two replies over the next few weeks. I simply cannot believe the response I've had from you all - and as you say, it's moved on somewhat from when you last looked only yesterday!!

I'm so glad you got out with your daughter and that your story is now a very happy one. I kind of thought once my ex left our house that would be the end of the abuse. It's almost been the end of the violence, although he's spat at me on several occasions since and kicked and dented my old car (which was a stunning car that I think he was jealous of - he kicked it after an argument and his response was, I had money so I wouldn't have thought twice about getting the dent sorted out. I knew my money was running out at that point so didn't get the dent fixed. He had to look at it then every time he came to the house!!). But as you'll see from my previous posts, it's definitely not been the end of the emotional or financial abuse.

Thank you for your support JW.