On Local Rent Allowance - can't afford house and can't afford to move!! HELP PLEASE!

Jowo_2

By the sounds of it, your solictor is correct - by not signing a new contract in your sole name in the way your devious ex hoped you would to absolve him of any legal responsibility to pay the rent, your joint tenancy continued. The letter to the agent is irrelevant if you did not sign a contract. You appear to be a periodic tenant which means the tenancy continues under the original terms and conditions. What this means is that you can give 1 months notice to end the tenancy or the landlord can serve you two months notice (notice timed to expire with the rental period). The Shelter website gives excellent info on how a periodic tenancy operates.

Get a copy of the tenancy agreement from the agent if you don't have the original one.

So do you still own a property and is it in joint names? Can you move into it or does your ex live there after stiffing you for the deposit and leaving you struggling to house and feed your children? Is it rented out? If so, who receives the rental income? property ownership makes benefit claims much harder, impacting the means tested ones.

How much does your ex owe you and do you have in writing any of the promises to pay you back?

chesky369

Jowo - I agree with many of the points you make. I think that starbella has probably got herself into a state where she can't see what to do and where to go. She has multiple issues - child support, debt, housing, etc. so that's why I suggested her local CAB - they will have specialist debt advisers, they will also probably have regular visits from solicitors dealing with family issues and others dealing with housing problems. Their local knowledge - like womens' refuges would be helpful.

But mostly, it's because she will be able to sit down with a general adviser and TALK. It strikes me that she hasn't a family close by to help her and she doesn't mention friends.

One thing I would like to know - what is her relationship with her ex's family - i.e. her children's grandparents?

starbella2004

I've just had a look at the womens aid website. It's very interesting and I suppose I don't want to admit it, but it is very relevant to me in many areas. So thank you. I'll read more later.

I do have a copy of the original tenancy agreement - I'll fish it out and take a look.

No, we sold the property off about 5 years ago. I put up all the money for the renovation and my ex was insistent we split the profit we made on selling right down the middle. I argued that this didn't seem fair as surely you get your capital back and then split the proceeds. However, it's very difficult when you're in a relationship to do too much about that kind of thing as you don't want to rock the boat and you think you're going to stay together so in a way, what difference does it make if it's his or yours!

The above, plus me paying off a number of his debts over the years, plus me paying for all our holidays plus him not paying any rent and bills for a good year or more before we finally split makes it extremely difficult to judge how much you could say he owes me. Nor do I currently have the strength to be honest to fight it either at the moment. I know he'd get incredibly nasty if I got a solicitor involved - but I guess this is something I can talk to Womens aid about too. I'm definitely going to phone them on Monday.

starbella2004

Chesky369 - I have a tiny family left sadly. My Mum and Dad both died a long time ago now. My brother with whom I have a great relationship is over in the US with his family and I have a large network of friends around me who are all local. They all help with with lots of issues like car problems and when things go wrong in my house like my TV recently - but none of them knows the extent of my problems. I just can't bring myself to tell anyone which is why I thought I'd post on here so I could remain anonymous. Cowardly probably but I cannot let my friends or little family I have know how bad things have become as it's basically all my own doing and it's hard to admit this. I'm very close to my ex's Mother and Father (they're not together though). His mother often disowns my ex because of the way he treats me then he'll send her texts saying he wishes she was dead and all sorts. It's quite unbelievable. Sometimes he'll apologise to her later sometimes time just passes and they get in contact again. His father disagrees with the way he treats me too but my ex seems to win everyone round after a while. He can be very charming!!

Jowo_2

Blimey - you have been subject to a lot of controlling and manipulative behaviour by a totally stingy demon.

Your ex didn't contribute to the property investment but was rewarded with the return.

Despite this property windfall, you still had to pick up the tab for him on his debts.

Despite working, he did not contribute to the household.

Despite recently getting a significant windfall of 40k, he is happy to see his kids become homeless and hungry.

The only thing I'm surprised about is that he's still not bleeding you dry since he sounds very mercenary and exploitative. Did he find another source of largesse to keep him in the style to which he became accustomed?

chesky369

Your relationship with his parents is very interesting. Can you borrow money from them? I suppose you haven't told them the extent of your financial problems but if they are comfortably off, I think you should at least warn them that their grandchildren stand a good chance of being homeless, if you can't raise some money somewhere. They would be in a good position to exert pressure on your ex to give you some money, if not, they could lend you some.

starbella2004

It's so helpful to see all this in black and white. I really could write a book about it all but I've managed to block out loads of it over the years so actually can't remember all of it.

It does astound me that when I asked if he could pay something towards the children this month he simply said no, he'd lost his job and wasn't earning. He knows exactly how bad my situation is and as you say, it's astonishing that a father can leave his children to potentially become homeless and hungry!

Your last comment made me laugh. As far as I know he's not found another source of largesse - other than the 40k he's just received. He's currently sitting at home building a website that he thinks will make him a millionaire. He's a great dreamer!!

starbella2004

Chesky369, you're right, I could go to his parents for help. His mum always does a sainsburys shop for me and the kids when she comes down to stay but she works full time so she's not able to get down very often. She also doesn't have much money herself, but I think you're right - I should approach his father to at least help with moving costs which I could pay back when I get some of this deposit back from this house. Ok - I think that's probably got to be done.....

Jowo_2

chesky369 wrote: »

Your relationship with his parents is very interesting. Can you borrow money from them? I suppose you haven't told them the extent of your financial problems but if they are comfortably off, I think you should at least warn them that their grandchildren stand a good chance of being homeless, if you can't raise some money somewhere. They would be in a good position to exert pressure on your ex to give you some money, if not, they could lend you some.

I'm assuming that the ex will flip once the extent of his selfishness is revealed - after all, he completely sabotaged the CSA route by harassing and humiliating her and that's a fairly anonymous private process just between parents and the CSA itself. He's confident enough to think he'll be able to influence the outcome there, too.

After all, the OP is so cowed that even with considerable evidence that she's been harassed, she rejected the advice of the Police and accepted his demands that she drops her pursuit of child maintenance and legal advice. I'm surprised that the police did not offer information or guidance on the support services available for domestic abuse - its a shame if they could not persuade her then to contact Womens Aid. I thought the Police were supposed to be trained in this area and not just shrug off incidents when a woman doesn't want to press charges. I even thought that in some counties, the police will charge the perpetrator even when the complainant withdraws from it.

The OP could inform them, and I'm sure the In laws would be supportive and helpful, but the OP needs to protect herself from potential violence and minimise any unintended provocation.

I am not an expert in any of these areas but I just think she needs to be protected and safe, away from his negative influence, first before she does something that the OP will also regard as a challenge to his authority.

I think her best strategy would be to contact Womens Aid or confide in a friend with no links to her ex who can keep her confidence so it can't get back to him. But as I've said, I'm not qualified to give advice in this area, just expressing a hunch - the guy lashes out when his comfortzone is challenged and is also abusive to his parents.

Jowo_2

To the OP, womens aid has a forum for those who have experienced domestic abuse. You might benefit from discussing your experiences there with women who have gone through the same problems. This is not a replacement though for the helpline which you should phone. Don't wait until Monday - its a 24/7 line so its currently staffed.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080021&sectionTitle=Survivors+Forum