I don't know if I can do this anymore

beasygirl

floss2 wrote: »

I think you should give him an ultimatum - he either puts into the household pot or packs his bags, after all, he is not contributing financially to the household, and you are supporting him by paying his debts.

I also think you need to take yourself & the girls to your parents to stay for the weekend and have a good "cards on the table" talk with them. Have you spoken to a solicitor yet regarding custody, the house & maintenance?

I plan to speak to my parents tonight to make sure I can stay if needs be, once I have decided it IS over I plan to speak with the CAB and get a solictor. We rent privately from a friend of the family, I know they would rather see me and the girls there then him - especially with no job so to speak.

mistrihelen

Be careful with the mortgage - I only know what I've read on here (that's actually sunk in - so very little!) but if your name is on it you will continue to be responsible for paying, regardless of who's living there. So if you have to leave you could end up paying for two properties at once, just to keep a black mark off your name. He may not have friends etc to go to, but it doesn't mean it's fair for you to leave, when it wouldn't exactly be easy for you either.

I know you can't do everything at once so please don't think I'm nagging, because I can't imagine what I'd do in that situation. I just want you to protect yourself, so that you don't lose out even though you are more sensible than your hobbyist partner.

It would hurt me too if I spoke to my husband about leaving and he barely reacted - that's the point (if not before!) at which he should be aware of what he could lose and do whatever it takes to fix things.

Good luck with parents/solicitor etc.

myothercarisaferrari

if its your name on the lease, then you can make him leave. How do you think he will survive if you move out?

Its not your resposnsibility to support him. He can rent a romom for about £50 a week depending where you are

chesky369

HE'S PLAYING ON-LINE POKER? WITH MONEY? WHO'S PAYING?

You absolutely must see a solicitor. You must stay in the house with the girls. You pay the mortgage - he will have to go.

It's just a question of finding out the way.

Money_maker

chesky369 wrote: »

HE'S PLAYING ON-LINE POKER? WITH MONEY? WHO'S PAYING?

You absolutely must see a solicitor. You must stay in the house with the girls. You pay the mortgage - he will have to go.

It's just a question of finding out the way.

Thats what I thought!

Just as worrying as another woman except this eats money.

old_motters

The advice made that you should get legal advice is cruicial. A badly advised seperation/divorce will be more costly than a good solicitor. Do this as soon as possible and, for what it's worth, I would strongly, strongly suggest that it is the husband that leaves. You DO NOT want to be seen as the one abandoning your kids, it may make custody battles harder in future as well as give your husband the opportunity to make you out as the bad guy. Or take your kids with you.

chesky369

Old motters is absolutely right - any legal action will take into account what you have done with the children. It's incredibly important that you're not seem to abandon them.

katglasgow

If it was me, I would take the kids with me to my M+D for easter. It would be good to make it clear from the beginning that you can be their main carer (you are paying for them remember). Have you looked at alternatives for childcare to fit arround your work? Are your M+D too far away to help (even if it is just an iterim). If you dont "need" him to do this, you have a strong position to argue that you can provide better for the kids, and then obviously he can good good contact with them etc.. but you are not relying on him to do the childcare while you are working.
If you can, I would also try to let the housework go a little and just spend a bit more time enjoying the kids if you can.
Take care xxx
I take it your paypal account is now in your name too?

beasygirl

Thank you for the replies.

I have spoken to my parents and they are happy to have me over Easter if things do not improve.

I wasn't intending to take my girls with me as I didn't want to disrupt them but I can understand how it would look. I try not to think about the girls and what would happen if we did split up as this upsets me more than anything. I hope it won't come to this and that we will work things out.

I have looked at the Relate website and they have an office in our town, but part of me thinks why should I be the one taking all the steps to try and sort the relationship, when things don't seem to have changed?

DH knows I am unhappy, my face must show it! But we barely speak, the first thing he said to me when he picked me up from work was that the reason he said nothing when I told him of the possible split was that he was thinking about what I had said. That was all that was said about it, he didn't tell me what he was thinking and I didn't ask.

He's got until 2 weeks to show me he has changed which I think is long enough. Until then we're in limbo but as I said I don't want to do anything too drastic too soon.

beasygirl

chesky369 wrote: »

HE'S PLAYING ON-LINE POKER? WITH MONEY? WHO'S PAYING?

You absolutely must see a solicitor. You must stay in the house with the girls. You pay the mortgage - he will have to go.

It's just a question of finding out the way.

He doesn't play with real money, its all in $'s so I know it isn't real, this is why his online buddies are all from US and he is up half the night talking with them.

If he was gambling as well as being the way he is we would have been over a long long time ago.