I don't know if I can do this anymore

floss2

lizzielondon wrote: »

although this seems fair i believe there is a clause in the housing act which says you cannot refuse access to a property (if rented) to a spouse who has previously lived there on the same tenancy agreement, even if their name is not on the lease- i think i read of it being used a while back but don't think it's something CAB or your lettings agency may be overly familiar with? again someone please correct me if i'm wrong

i am not 100% so if you were to go down this route please check on the landlordzone website to check, just wanted to give you a heads up in case

good luck x

Check with Shelter, the housing charity. They have a helpline as well as that website.

beasygirl

Thank you for the replies.

Firstly DH is not playing online poker with real money, he gambled for a bit about 2 years ago, got onto a winning streak got cocky and lost over £500. I hit the roof and vowed that if he ever did it again we would be over. He still loves me I know he isn't that stupid.

Things I'm happy to say have improved somewhat, :j(I don't know if he has read this thread or if my parents have spoken to him) but I am a lot happier.

The last few days when I have come in from work the house has been tidy, he has hovered put the girls toys away and made sure dinner was on the table.

He has also been food shopping paid for out of his business and has even transferred some money he has earnt into my account to pay the bills.

We still haven’t really talked about things, he is trying to make conversation with me and has made the effort. But I do not want to give in just yet.

I'm going out after work tonight with friends and he seemed really disappointed, but gave me some money to go with and said he would pick me up whenever I wanted so I can see that he really is trying.

Things still aren't 100% but we have made progress, I do plan to have a proper chat with him when I get in as I feel we can now discuss things.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice, it has been a true blessing to be able to vent on here and get the support I very much needed. I will let everyone know how we get on.

mistrihelen

It's really good to hear that he appears to have woken up somewhat - long may it continue! I hope from here you can begin to sort things out properly. Good luck

surreybased

Hi,

Please don't leave your girls, your current way of life - working full time is making you feel like the 'bad' parent. Being in a negative relationship has chipped away at your self esteem. It is more sensible for him to move out - to accomodation that he can afford and you keep up with the costs of the girls house.

I was in a very similar situation some years ago, dd had great relationship with her dad but he wasn't responsible and guess what..that never changed! DD is now a teen, doing brilliantly and her dad is still not responsible. Sadly my dd has recognised it (i've never had to say anything) and is just so glad we're not together.

If you split and have the girls you'll cope. Your ex will have to learn to grown up, he will hopefully share childcare and you have your parents support. My guess is that you'll actually be happier than you are now.

old_motters

beasygirl wrote: »

Thank you for the replies.

Firstly DH is not playing online poker with real money, he gambled for a bit about 2 years ago, got onto a winning streak got cocky and lost over £500. I hit the roof and vowed that if he ever did it again we would be over. He still loves me I know he isn't that stupid.

Things I'm happy to say have improved somewhat, :j(I don't know if he has read this thread or if my parents have spoken to him) but I am a lot happier.

The last few days when I have come in from work the house has been tidy, he has hovered put the girls toys away and made sure dinner was on the table.

He has also been food shopping paid for out of his business and has even transferred some money he has earnt into my account to pay the bills.

We still haven’t really talked about things, he is trying to make conversation with me and has made the effort. But I do not want to give in just yet.

I'm going out after work tonight with friends and he seemed really disappointed, but gave me some money to go with and said he would pick me up whenever I wanted so I can see that he really is trying.

Things still aren't 100% but we have made progress, I do plan to have a proper chat with him when I get in as I feel we can now discuss things.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice, it has been a true blessing to be able to vent on here and get the support I very much needed. I will let everyone know how we get on.

Good, it's good to see that things are a little better, he is clearly capable of it. For things to get better he must recognise why things are where they are and want to put more effort in. And sustainable effort.

I would suggest he will not do this alone, behavioural change requires more than just goodwill, it requires changes in thinking. Relate would be a great place to start, if he's willing. I know of a couple that have been and said it's a very non-threatening, non-judgemental and supportive environment to focus the individuals on the change needed.

As with all things relationship, while he is making a genuine effort to improve AND willing to contribute AND get help then you could maybe hold off from pulling the trigger. If he stops or regresses back to type, you have to be strong and make the decision to go. This should be laid out to him.

Steel_2

beasygirl wrote: »

Thank you for the replies.

Firstly DH is not playing online poker with real money, he gambled for a bit about 2 years ago, got onto a winning streak got cocky and lost over £500. I hit the roof and vowed that if he ever did it again we would be over. He still loves me I know he isn't that stupid.

Things I'm happy to say have improved somewhat, :j(I don't know if he has read this thread or if my parents have spoken to him) but I am a lot happier.

The last few days when I have come in from work the house has been tidy, he has hovered put the girls toys away and made sure dinner was on the table.

He has also been food shopping paid for out of his business and has even transferred some money he has earnt into my account to pay the bills.

We still haven’t really talked about things, he is trying to make conversation with me and has made the effort. But I do not want to give in just yet.

I'm going out after work tonight with friends and he seemed really disappointed, but gave me some money to go with and said he would pick me up whenever I wanted so I can see that he really is trying.

Things still aren't 100% but we have made progress, I do plan to have a proper chat with him when I get in as I feel we can now discuss things.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice, it has been a true blessing to be able to vent on here and get the support I very much needed. I will let everyone know how we get on.

:T:T

Don't forget to thank hubby too!!

He's trying and, like everyone, he needs appreciation to sustain him.

And a great big sloppy kiss.

GSXRCarlos

That's great news.

A word of advice though, if i was your OH, you'd have to have that chat with me fairly soon, i tend to get bored of doing things without a response from those i'm trying to impress.

I'm not saying this is right, or justifiable, but worth considering if you're going to play the waiting game for too long

But, that being said, you know your husband better than any of us - the best i can offer is Good Luck