I don't know if I can do this anymore

elisebutt65

Does he actually know any of the ins and outs of running a business?

Does he realise that by being a sole trader(I'm assuming he hasn't gone limited) he is putting everything material at tisk - i.e. if he runs up debts then all the assets - marital home, car etc are at risk????

You need to start behaving like a bank if he is going to dip into the family accounts and he needs to produce a business plan and explain why he needs the money properly. It sounds like he's had a pipe dream and forged ahead without thinking anything though first.

I know this sounds a bit harsh but if he is going to do this then I would take him off the joint bank account and ask him to set up a business bank account, or at least a single account that he uses for his business only - It's just not on spending your hard earned money and WTC for his business!

He also needs to pull his finger out and help around the house - I find it exhausting being a single mum and you seem to be doing the same job but with the added stress of cleaning up after him as well! At least my BF does my ironing for me when he pops round to visit.

neneromanova

beasygirl wrote: »

DH is a web developer, he is part of an online forum and says he needs to be at the computer 24/7 to try to drum up business and answer any questions.

Wow, what forum does he go on? I'm only a designer, but run my own business, have set up my own site and got it high in google and get some busines like that. Other times I post on a reptile forum, check it every day to see if I have any replies. I don't need to spend 24/7 on there. I think he is deluded a little....

There are freelance website that he could go on to get some work, You kind of bid on jobs and the customer decides who they want for the job, again he needs to spend max 2hrs on the site choosing jobs and the customer will email him if he likes the look of him. You need to have a serious talk with him. Or failing that, check his internet history to check what he is doing.

beasygirl

Hi all, thank you again for taking the time to reply.

I should DH the SOA, he glanced at it and then said "And... what would you like me do about it" I highlighted the partners income section and explained again with his monthly contribution of £400 we can just about manage to survive. He then went on to explain that with his new venture £400 a month maybe asking too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I then suggested if this was the case then maybe he should think about getting a part time job to make up the £400, and leave the business now as a hobby. That didn't go down too lightly.... I explained then as calmy as I could (but by this time I was starting to lose my cool) that his £400 does not even cover half of our household bills, let alone the amount I'm paying back for his debts that automatically come out as soon as I've been paid.

We then had a massive argument which lead to him saying I didn't love the children, all I care about is money and that I'm a crap mum as I never had any time for them, by this time I was crying and shouted back at him if he helped with the chores I would have more time for the children, and that I'm automatically expected to clear up as soon as I get in 5. His response was maybe you should do it faster then!!!!!!!!!!

I have never felt anger like this, and in all my honesty I wanted to hit him. Instead I slammed the door several times and banged it with my fists - gosh I can't beleive I'm writing all of this - I feel so pathetic looking back.

We havent spoken since, he was glued to the computer yesterday eveneing and didn't come to bed.

I've checked my bank account and he has transfered the tax credit money to his account and it has gone, which means I need to rely on him bringing in some money in order to eat this week, Which he will then use against me to say he is contributing.

If anything things have got worse, I'm in the process of getting my online banking details changed so he cannot transfer money when he wants - but he is my husband, and if I'm having to do this what the hell does it say for our relationship???!!!!

neneromanova

I think it might be time to call it a day. If he speaks to you like that then he's not worth being around. You yourself know you love the kids. The fact you are the breadwinner and the homemaker and he is just the lazy little so and so just shows you.

I would tell him to get out, go pack a bag for him, and tell him to take the computer and go stay with a friend as you've had enough.

And if he doesn't, take the fuse from the fusebox to turn his computer off

beasygirl

neneromanova wrote: »

I think it might be time to call it a day. If he speaks to you like that then he's not worth being around. You yourself know you love the kids. The fact you are the breadwinner and the homemaker and he is just the lazy little so and so just shows you.

I would tell him to get out, go pack a bag for him, and tell him to take the computer and go stay with a friend as you've had enough.

And if he doesn't, take the fuse from the fusebox to turn his computer off

Thanks for your reply, made me smile. I spoke to a work colleague and she suggested removing the computer mouse, knowing him he would just go and buy a much more expensive one anyway!!

Wow

beasygirl wrote: »

Thanks for your reply, made me smile. I spoke to a work colleague and she suggested removing the computer mouse, knowing him he would just go and buy a much more expensive one anyway!!

I think you should just kick him out. He is probably spending all day on Facebook.

Boozer

When he leaves the computer to go to the toilet, change the password.

GSXRCarlos

Ok, before i jump on the band wagon with everyone else i'm going to take a step back.

Granted he shouted at you, belittled you. And i agree that you are currently providing for the children financially, and cannot and do not have enough time to spend with them.

You will have really touched a nerve with him, probably caught him off guard. i don't agree with him taking the money out of your accounts, and i agree you should get the details changed. - i suggest 2 seperate accounts, one for each of you, and a joint account for bills etc (unless you already do this)

Right now you need to protect yours and your childrens finances and assets first. if he can't be trusted to look after you all then unfortunately, you're gonna have to be the one to do it.

With that said, and done, you're now gonna have to be the mature adult.

Ask him if you can sit down with him, and try and understand what he's doing. Tell him you'll keep the family finances in order, and any money he makes he needs to declare to you and contribute when he can.

If you've sorted out your SOA is there anywhere you can cut back - internet allowance (ie unlimited as opposed to 10gb) that will force him to stop using the internet so much, and help save some pennies, electric bill, family outings - sometimes the "we can't go because daddy is working really hard to set up his business" works when said in earshot

If he realises how much you're cutting back to support his 'business venture' maybe he'll realise what he has to do?

GSXRCarlos

My comments above, obviously, are the practical response.

As for the emotional response, is there anyone you can talk to, friends/family that will help you put things into perspective?

Things will probably get a lot worse before they can get better.

If i were you i'd start preparing for the worst now, but not act on it incase things improve, there's nothing wrong with being prepared

Oh, and Good Luck

Zazen999

I think your mistake is doing the SOA and showing him...you need to do this together which means turning the computer off; getting the kids into bed; getting all the bills out on the table and working it through TOGETHER.