Further financial faux pas and even more disasterous decisions

moo2moo

Saw the very mediocre Astroboy at the flicks and then shopped until we dropped but have spent surprisingly little but came home with new school shoes, bags, pencil cases, a couple of tracksuits for DD1, several books and a new smart t-shirt for me. I fear purple may feature heavily in this capsule wardrobe malarky. Treated the DDs to lunch in McDonalds thus ensuring they behaved impeccably whilst we were out. I'm now completely cream crackered.

OH was left at home to do whatever he fancied and has used the garden to shotblast bits of landie. Am rather glad he didn't get round to hanging the washing out. Better still a few more bits have been attached to the landie chassis so theres every hope of a teeny weeny bit of space being generated and yet more parts arriving for the next phase, whatever that may be.

moo2moo

OH threw another of his middle of the night wobblies. The subject of choice being the FlyLady list on the fridge. Not entirely sure why he thought it was a ridicule worthy subject but I guess thats what happens after a bottle of wine and something approaching four litres of cider. I know, I know, I've been here so many times before and I keep putting up with it. Perhaps one day I will finally see sense and do something about it, but today is not that day.

Instead today is another fabulously sunny day which will be spent washing, with a teeny bit of flylady thrown in and an awful lot of gardening. Also need to go up into the loft to get something so will see if theres anything up there that can be dropped at the tip whilst I'm at it. Fairly sure I can find enough stuff strewn about the garden to justify another trip to the tip.

E-bay auctions finish in another hour so if I'm lucky I'll be able to parcel them up and take them to the post office when I go to work later which is another couple of things out of the way. Will sort OHs tax disc at the same time. He's back to work on Wednesday which may well go some way to explaining his recent increase in drinking although I would just be looking for excuses because its been heavy all summer, its just begun to get a wee bit heavier recently. At least hes only there for a single shift run and a day of the next one before another week off. I get the impression that he'd be happier in another job elsewhere, briefly, before he got cheesed off with that as well.

Meanwhile his friend phoned. The idea of three months Landy-ing aorund africa has been shelved in favour of a European banger run... nescesssitating the need to purchase a left hand drive banger in order to participate. No prizes for guessing where that will be dumped in the meantime. Having done lots of surfing I'd far rather take part in a tuk-tuk challenge. Somehow that appeals more to my sense of fun because any one can drive from A-B in a vehicle MOT'd to UK standards on dtarmac'd roads and stand a pretty good chance of arriving without incident whilst he idea of being strapped to a glorified hairdryer dressed as Marg Simpson somehow seems a far more sensible option. Perhaps that should go on my list of 101 things to do before having a mid-life crisis although it may also be indicative of that same mid-life crisis being in full swing.

MrsMoo2U

OH MY GIDDY AUNT that sounds like so much fun. What isnt to like about that?

Sounds as if you have a very unpredictable time of it Moo. These things can take their toll and only you will know when you are strong enough to deal with the situation. Until then keep youself sane in whatever way you can. Dealing with the situation doesnt necessarily mean removing yourself from the person you love but sometimes you really have to give tough love. I would recommend reading "The Two of Us" by Sheila Hancock if you havent already. It is about her life with John Thaw and she talks about how she dealt with him drinking and when it got out of hand, how she dealt with that. They were still together and very happy by the time he died but they had some very rough times to work through. If you do love your OH as you say you do then you might need to find that strength to deal with the situation sooner rather than laterif you are going to help him (and ultimately yourself)at all. Addiction is a sickness and unfortunately the person cant always see that they are sick. Remember in all of this that you deserve to be treated with the same respect that you are giving to your other half. ALANON have a family support line who could also talk to you. They will be able to give you advice on how to approach the matter.

Good luck and big hugs.

alibob30

Oh dear, Moo.
I completely understand that you'll deal with it when you're ready and I respect that but you really do deserve much better.

moo2moo

ALANONs advice was pretty simple really. Put up and shut up... or leave. Any attempts to change things are futile and ultimately a waste of my time and effort. When hes ready to do something about it he will, until then I have to sit back and watch him destroy himself. At the mo. I've taken the attitude that if he was clinically depressed I'd stick around and pick up the pieces, this is simply a self-medicated form of depression, but one which infuriatingly is worsened by the addition of alcohol. He isn't drunk or abusive 24 hours a day and it isn't every day that he turns into a twonk.

Hes woken up in a v. cheerful frame of mind and has been dispatched with DD1 to collect the paint he requires to continue project Landie. Hes given up on the idea of having his axles professionally shotblasted and is having uch fun doing this in the garden. At least the wind is keeping the mess our side of the fence.

Am already on my fourth load of laundry of the day, another three loads and all the soft furnishings from the lounge will have been done. Tis v. windy out so things are drying rapidly, hoping I'll get it all dry before OH decides to jet high pressure sand randomly across the garden.

Sold the first lot of E-bay tat for a smidgen under £40, half of it didn't sell, which isn't that surprising really.

chevalier

Well at least he is actually doing something on the landie, even if it isn't the least messy of job! lol. Sorry to hear about his drinking. I think that is very defeatist talk from Alanon. Maybe a local group would be more helpful. Does his GP know that he drinks heavily? It may effect medication he is given, so perhaps a quiet word might be useful. What the gp does with the information is up to him.......

Glad that you had some luck with ebay, has OH noticed how much stuff went to the tip. If he didn't it just goes to show, how little he really needed that 'stuff':D
chev

moo2moo

Can't go behind his back to the GP that would destroy what little trust he has left in me. Should he choose to bring it up thats up to him. I don't want to force this to go to a predictably explosive outcome, its slowly getting there on its own. I need OH to decide that hes either staying or going in his own good time and start contributing to things rather than sucking the life out of the rest of us but I am not going to be pushed out of my own home.

No one has noticed anything more than I've dusted which makes me think they're just oblivious to things, in OHs case I can quite see why. Imagine a woman who keeps her vases on top of the bookcases and the sideboards and the dresser and every spare shelf she can find and who has more in boxes and cupboards and you see precisely what I'm up against. Why have just one vase when you can have one in every colour and shape combination imaginable and even buy two or three of one design because you've forgotten what you already have.

Am already halfway through Mondays list which is just as well considering its rapidly approaching lunchtime. Have reached the obvious conclusion that the original Flylady does not have a job because I'm going to spend longer cleaning the house than I will at work this week assuming I manage to get it all done. Off to soap down the dead cow sofa having already vac'd the other one this morning.

chevalier

Fair enough then. Ref flylady maybe she was on happy pills, or speed or something. I can't imagine being that manic about cleaning. There is ALWAYS something I would rather do than cleaning!

I nodded in agreement ref your comment about purple in the capsule wardrobe. It would be my first choice to.

I understand what you mean about your OH. I am guessing he is untalkable to on the subject. Which is sad really as it drives the ones you love away. My brother was like this with gambling, so I empathise. I have no idea where he is now, and if he, by some miracle turned up on my doorstep, I wouldn't let him in. I couldn't trust him not to nick something precious to us.

chev

moo2moo

Leather sofa now gleaming. Sadly this now means I need to polish the wooden bits because they look truly horrific where before they were just a bit on the dusty side. It really is never ending. Half wishing I'd never started especially since the instant we light the coal fires everything will be covered in dust again. Perhaps with hindsight it would have been wiser to have done this safter the chimneys had been swept. Bah. Puppy is now sound asleep ontop of a mound of cusions removed from the sofa for the purposes of cleaning it. Guess I'll be washing those too once shes finished drooling on them.

MrsMoo2U

HA, she sounds just like mine. He keeps sneaking over to the table where I am sitting. Fresh gingham table cloth on this afternoon and, he being a typical dane, placed his chops slap bang in the middle of the table because his head is just too heavy for him to hold upv:rotfl:

What a load of tosh from Alanon. You dont have to put up and shut up at all. Although they may have been trying to tell you in a rather ham fisted way that it may take you removing yourself from the situation to wake him up. You are probably right about him suffering from depression. If that is the case then perhaps you could get help in how to deal with these episodes in a way that helps both of you from one of the mental health charities like MIND
This link might help. I read it a few months ago when I was dealing with a very difficult situation. I was amazed by the things that it was advising but they really made sense.
http://www.stress-counselling.co.uk/counselling/depression7.htm

If nothing else Moo, keep posting and sharing and I will always listen. I will try to support as best I can. Just sharing this will make it a little easier for you to build up any strength that is being zapped.